Juniper04 - Juniper #04

Intro

Hi. 

I don’t have much to introduce myself. 

You may or may not know me. Only God knows.

Sole purpose of this blog is to write and journal down my thoughts and reflections of my life. In a public blog because, i dont know maybe you guys will get something out of it. Or maybe, I can get something out of you.

Anyway, I don’t want to take too long.

See you.

It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Pompeii by Bastille is ten years old this year. It’s hard to imagine. So much has changed since then, both in music and the world at large.

…

But if you close your eyes,

from weheartit

September2018.png

But it’s October now, babey! Ha ha ha!

I’m just gonna vent here since I don’t have much engagements or views here. Or that’s what I assume. But nevertheless I just want this off my chest somewhere.

I know I could journal but my fingers can be impatient. And when it’s impatient, my handwriting can be unreadable.

And I feel like online’s better cause it does feel like someone is listening to me, here specifically, and without anyone to respond back. Sounds sad. But I just want to let this out into the world somehow. Like that scene in Tadhana where they screamed their lungs out in Sagada. Many times Iong to do that.

Anyway, this is the third week of working in the weekends. It’s my fault. I’m working two jobs. One is full time, the other is with a Youtuber. I haven’t taken a break. Although, I have been procrastinating. Yet I sleep at 5am, 6am or even 7am.

I feel like I just have no right to complain or ask for breaks. Because I may be the worse human being in a workplace. I am basically losing myself. I am losing who I used to be.

What am I even saying? I think I just need more sleep. That’s why I’m like this.

I dont know. I cant think straight. Theres just so much I want to say coming from my chest but I just can’t express it well right now.

I’m just lost. Gradually losing myself. And I feel like I can’t pick myself back up again. I feel like I let everyone down. Myself down. I just feel pathetic and have no right to exist. Many times i wish to not exist for a while.

I sometimes feel like it is better if I’m not here. I don’t think anyone will care…except for my family and some friends. I just want to just stop.

I think writing this is enough.

I’ll go lie down for a bit and then get back to work.

Im so tired.

Im so fucking tired.

I just want to be alone and away.

Just for a while.

Maybe forever.

I don’t know.

I’m just tired.