Wow
hi besties sorry this took 84 years, i’m very indecisive </3 back to working on one shots i promise <3
Part One
Warnings: Language, some last minute editing🏃🏽♀️
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made these studying cat genetics over the past 2 weeks!
i felt like there weren't enough visual guides of cat genetics so i went ahead and made some simple ones, my main references were Sparrow's Garden the website, Sparrow's Garden the blog, Messybeast, and The Little Carnivore.
rolling random characters on the wiki until i get one i want to draw
Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.
Warning: Violence, homophobia mention of attempted rape and sexist language
Hours passed, one after another as groups of 5 people entered after passing the tests, time was exhausting, hearing gunshots in the distance and watching as the greedy people got upset every time the door opened again and again
I had already gone back and forth from my mattress to the steps, I sat down and lay down bored looking around feeling the irritation on my ankle more and more, the guard had tied it so tight that a red irritation had started to appear on my skin
Ouch - I said barely touching my ankle feeling the burning that was irritated even more by the friction of the fabric
Are you okay let me see - Hyun-Ju approached slowly sitting down a couple of steps below taking my foot carefully - did you twist your foot?
No, I'm fine - I looked at her embarrassed, trying to avoid her gaze, but her firm and large hand held my foot, looking at me - it's just a scratch, I think
Let me see - her touch went from firm to soft and delicate, slowly lifting the fabric of my pants, showing the red and irritated mark on my skin - I see, your skin is very sensitive, are you weak after all?
Hey, I'm not weak - her laugh made me laugh with her, pushing her a little while my leg rested on her knee - Hyun-Ju… can I ask you something?
Sure - her smile was still kind as she carefully folded my pants up, making sure the fabric didn't touch the irritated area again
Why are you here? Do you need the money for something? - Her face seemed to turn even paler than it already was, her smile blurred and her eyes looked at the floor in shame, as if she had asked the most embarrassing thing on the planet - If you don't want to tell me, I'll understand, excuse my intrusion
No… it's not that - she sighed slowly swallowing saliva and then looked at me with a look of embarrassment - my… my goal is to get to Thailand
Thailand? Do you need to go on vacation or something? - I smiled at her naively excited, thousands of times I had heard about that country but I still had not had the fortune to know it
No..- she smiled mocking a little at my foreign innocence - I…I need to go finish my transition you know..
Transition?..oh..I..understand Hyun-Ju sorry I shouldn't have asked you something so personal
Don't worry - she smiled a little moving her fingers nervously playing with the green fabric - it's just that…nobody is ever interested in my story and it's a little difficult for me to tell it
I understand…well..- I looked at her going down a couple of steps until I was sitting next to her looking at her attentively - if you want you can tell me, I would like to meet Hyun-Ju - She laughed with her eyes a little wet looking to the other side trying to hold her breath - do you work?
I worked… - she sighed again, this time deeper, dropping her shoulders - I was fired from my job when… well… I decided to tell everyone what I really am, they were ashamed of me and, they fired me
They are bastards, that is not right or even legal, what does your identity have to do with your ability, they are ignorant - I snorted angrily clenching my jaw - it must have been a dumb job after all, right? You must not have missed much
I was a soldier… - she looked at me, moving her legs nervously - a sergeant to be more exact, after they fired me my mother cried a lot and my father was ashamed, they don't talk to me anymore, my friends stopped talking to me and… - her voice broke off as her lips trembled - and everything became difficult and lonely
I understand, the people you trusted turned their backs on you - I looked at her feeling stupid, I shouldn't have forcing her to open her feelings like that, now I felt guilty for making her cry because of my silly curiosity - but… Hyun-Ju - I smiled a little taking her hand (which I could barely hold a couple of fingers of her big hand) I can be your friend, I would have loved to meet you somewhere else and be able to help you feel better about yourself, after all you haven't done anything wrong, being yourself makes you very brave
That's why I want to go to Thailand, I've heard that in that country there are the best doctors and the prettiest girls, I would love to be able to complete my transition and finally be what I want to be - her eyes showed a sparkle when she talked about it, her illusion overflowed through her pores
You don't have to go to Thailand to feel like that, for me you are already beautiful - my arms surrounded her as soon as the sobs began to come out of her chest and her hands covered her face saddened by crying, she was so fragile, my arms could barely surround her shoulders while her head rested on my shoulder sobbing and shaking - if you want to cry do it, people have been very cruel to you, but never cry out of shame, you have nothing to feel disappointed in yourself about.
This time, the shots didn't seem so dangerous and time passed without feeling it so slowly, she was a magical being that made me lose track of time
You are also very pretty, since I met you, I felt your bravery but also your heart, not everyone shows what they have inside and makes it look so valuable - her hands slowly wiped her tears taking care not to ruin her eyeliner and her diva bangs
It's not time to get sentimental - I laughed pushing her slowly while I got up adjusting my blouse going down a couple of steps - I'll go to the bathroom in the meantime
Do you want me to accompany you?
No, I'll be fine, wait for me here don't go anywhere - I laughed walking across the large space in the center of the beds feeling everyone's gazes.
They followed me and whispered, some laughed and others even said uncomfortable things waiting for me to react upset, they made the path very difficult to the door which was empty and as it was supposed, almost all the guards were in the yard even while the game continued.
The bathroom was big, with lots of cubicles and mirrors, almost uncomfortable to look at, like those endless and gloomy backgrounds, I could barely walk without tripping over to one of the toilets, sitting down uncomfortably listening to the door open once again, this time the footsteps of several people echoed in the almost empty place and a couple of laughs broke the silence and then a loud bang on my door made me jump scared, quickly pulling up my clothes
-I know you're in there, naughty girl, get out of there - the boys' laughter echoed off the walls, how could I have gotten into the wrong bathroom - get out you damn bitch - A loud bang again made me jump scared, unlocking the door with fear and opening it slowly
What did I tell you, the foreigner was here - the purple-haired boy laughed leaning on the bathroom door almost joining his face to mine - what are you doing here, cutie?
Nothing, I'm done - I looked at him, barely trying to get through quickly, scared, feeling a clumsy and strong hand pulling my hair
Come here bitch, I'm not done with you - this time his strength made me slam against one of the bathroom doors, making my back hurt - we know why whores like you come to our country, they come for sex and attention from us, don't they?
That's right, my friend - the long-haired man laughed, pressing his sweaty face against my cheek - she smells good, tell us, darling, what is such a pretty and sexy girl doing with that damn homosexual monster, huh?
She's not a monster, she's my friend - I looked at him, annoyed, tired of continuing to deal with men like him, but despite trying to get out of his hands, I couldn't - her name is Hyun-Ju, that's what they should call her
Oh, how cute, so you're a fucking weirdo like that effeminate? You like faggots, huh? - He laughed, hitting my cheek, making me scream in pain- You know my friend Nam-Gyu liked you as soon as he saw you, don't you like my friend? He's a real man
Leave me alone - I could barely speak when I felt his hand on my neck, pressing me against the door
Leave you? Honey, we're just getting started - the rapper laughed with his friend - do whatever you want to her Nam-Gyu, show her what it's like to be with a real man
My screams could barely be heard a couple of centimeters away, his firm hand on my neck and my crying didn't help much, feeling his disgusting hands running over my body, under my shirt and on the elastic of my pants made me feel even more of an idiot, this was all my fault
Shut your fucking mouth, you're distracting me - another blow again, this time on my lip leaving me stunned - hold her tight, she won't stop moving
I could feel the cold air on my thighs as they pulled down my pants and laughed talking disgusting and meaningless things, everything seemed to get even more dizzy, everything looked blurry until my body fell to the cold floor and again I could react, my tears wouldn't stop running down my face but I could notice the rapper and his friend lying on the floor, the latter Nam-Gyu wiping his bleeding nose
This will be the last time you approach her, is that clear? - Hyun-Ju hit him once more, slamming his head on the floor, leaving him unconscious - If you touch her again, I'll kill you, you fucking idiot, I'll kill you!
The purple haired boy ran hysterically almost tripping over his shoulder, not caring that his friend was on the floor, and I felt so humiliated, lying in a corner of the bathroom crying with a bleeding lip. If only I had listened to my parents from the beginning, I would have never come to this country and this wouldn't be happening. It was all my fault.
Calm down, sweetie, here I am - Hyun-Ju was much taller than those two men, her body was still strong and thick, but her presence was so calm and gave me so much peace that I couldn't feel intimidated by her.
Her hands, careful as always, held my pants, slowly lifting them up until they were in place, then they went to my face, checking my bruises and moving my hair out of my eyes so she could see every inch of my skin.
Sorry… - I looked at her embarrassed, feeling my tears running non-stop, I felt so humiliated and dirty that I couldn't think of anything else but that everything was my fault
You don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong, no one will do anything bad to you anymore, I promise - her arms held me, she never asked me to stop crying or forced me to calm down, she just let me take it all out in her arms, rocking me slowly - let's go outside
But… - I looked at her with fear, shaking her head
Nothing bad will happen, I promise, as long as we're together I'll take care of you, okay? - I could feel my hair being brushed by her fingers slowly and carefully
Ok… - I sighed wiping my eyes with my sweater getting up slowly holding on to her arm so I wouldn't fall, luckily when we left the lights were almost off and most of the people who were already in their beds were getting ready to sleep, thank god without paying attention to us as we crossed the large space in the center
Let's go to bed, tomorrow will be a new day and we must be focused - her hands held my back slowly, making me go up the stairs carefully taking care not to trip - do you want me to help you with your shoes?
No.. - I looked at her embarrassed sitting on my bed taking off my sweater carefully while she stood rubbing her hands nervously
Okay, if you need anything, I'll be in my bed, just call me okay? -She smiled lightly at me, almost invisible because of the darkness of the place, but I could feel it, she made me feel those nice things
Hyun-Ju…-I held her hand quickly while she stopped almost tripping- can you… stay, I'm afraid to sleep alone
Do you want me to stay here? I can watch you if it makes you feel safer -she went back up a few steps sitting down carefully
You can sleep with me, we'll both rest and take care of each other- I could feel my cheeks erupting again while I held the blanket so she could come in with me
Are you sure? I don't want to bother you…
I'm sure, come - I smiled at her, barely feeling a pain in my lip, she just lay down carefully, her body almost taking up more than half of the bed but her presence was so calm that it made me feel like everything was perfect again
I didn't understand why I felt that way, safe and loved, with honesty and without being hurt
Thank you Hyun-Ju…thanks for saving me
Thanks to you, sweetheart, you saved me in a different way,
----------------------------------
Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon! Tag List!
Part 3
@kuureii @sann1e @sunflowers-are-heaven @bridellashiper
Summary: I shouldn’t known from the moment my heart felt more for Caitlyn, that it was a mistake. I thought love was supposed to be about taking risks and loving like a fool. I don’t want to regret anything, but I have to limit myself because she feels uneasy. Is it because of me? I must be lacking in many ways. I promised myself to get better. I need to prove to others that I can.
Warning: Slight fluff then pure angst
Pairing: Caitlyn Kiramman X Fem Reader
Word Count: 6.2k
-
The target moves back and forth in quick and uneven motion as a way to stimulate the movement of humans. I place the sniper rifle closer to my body. The cold metal pressed against my chest. I narrow my eyes at the target watching it jerk back and forth. I place my finger against the trigger as I start to steady my breathing. My heart rate begins to slow. The breeze in the air seems to be silent for a moment. My eyes quickly shift to focus on one target as it starts rolling toward the center of the scope. A loud bang comes from my gun as I press the trigger. The smell of gun smoke reaches my nose as the smoke rises from the nozzle. I lower the gun and tilt my body to examine the shot. A hole is evident on the target, but not where I was trying to aim. The bullet was several inches below the head of the target. I frown and feel disappointment arising from within.
I want to be better and prove to others that I can take on tougher tasks. I’ve been assigned as an enforcer, stuck with the simple role of Piltover's council gatekeeper. I want to be part of the bigger action, specifically, to be part of Caitlyn’s team.
I know I am capable, or at least… I hope I am.
News spread that Caitlyn Kiramman has become a Sheriff and I couldn’t agree more. She is amazing at her job. I’ve secretly studied her in admiration. I saw her in action. She is stern and confident, but at the same time so graceful. She balances fear and love so well. Her facade never falls to others, but I sense there’s a softness in her gaze when she notices me. It’s a quick and small look, so I can’t put a finger on it. All I can do in response is smile back while feeling my cheeks heat up.
“Practicing again?” A voice snaps me out of daydreaming. A recognizable British accent. Refined and poised. I turn my head to see Caitlyn standing with her arms crossed. I widen my eyes before saluting her. She has a soft grinning smirk on her lips. Her beautiful long blue hair falls over her shoulders. She’s in her work uniform, seemingly that she just finished a task.
“Yes,” I quickly respond to her question. She chuckles shortly and walks over, eyeing the target. She stops next to me, a little closer than I expected and I feel my heart rate increase. My eyes quickly flicker at the curves of her body then back down the ground in respect.
“You practice quite a lot,” She notes. This isn’t the first time I’ve bumped into her at the practice shooting area. It’s actually quite often. Caitlyn is strict with her studies and skills. She needs to do things perfectly right. It is not strange to find her at the shooting range after work hours. She has gotten used to seeing me there as well. She never said it, but I believe she likes how I’m willing to get better. She notices how other enforcers don’t practice as much.
I shyly run my hand on the back of my neck. Her eyes glance down to watch my reaction. I peek between my eyelashes and make eye contact with her. The closeness and eye contact make me unconsciously grip the gun. I quickly look back down to the ground. Examining the distance between our shoes.
“I want to prove to others I can be good,” I finally admit. I didn’t want to reveal the part where I dream of being in her team.
That would be too silly of a confession.
She raises her eyebrows and pauses, deep in thought. The wind gently blows against my bare skin as silence coats the air. I feel anxiety increasing while she continues to stare at me, motionless and speechless. There’s a shift in her eyes, a shift that I don’t understand.
Does she think I can’t be good? Is she too afraid to tell me the truth?
Thoughts swirl in my head naturally. It’s a negative trait that I endure every day. My mind runs thousands of thoughts that can be entirely false. But I also believe certain voices are true, but I have yet to distinguish the two. I furrow my eyebrows and force myself to look away from her. I couldn’t bear to continue to theorize what her expression meant. I hear her shift her body to lean her body weight against the bullet-loading table.
“I can help you,” She offers. I feel my heart stop pounding to make sure I didn’t hear her wrong. I jerk my head up with wide eyes. Caitlyn, the best sniper shooter, is going to help me.
“Are you serious?” I hesitate. What did I do to deserve this special treatment from her? She simply nods and a few hair strands fall over her face. She smiles while brushing her bangs behind her ear. I am still speechless, not knowing what to do next. She figures and gently reaches for my gun. Her fingers curl around the handle, a few centimeters from my hand. She brings it up to my chest. I look at her in confusion yet again.
“Show me how you aim,” She orders. I lick my lips and move quickly to action. I do not want to waste a single second of getting trained by her. I turn my body to the targets and lift the gun up. I lean my head down to look through the scope. Suddenly I feel Caitlyn move her body to locate behind me. Her fingers gently tilt the tip of the gun at a specific angle. Her other hand moves to my hip. Like a young girl in love, my heart pounds hard. I would also blame the fact that I am touched starved. Working as an enforcer limits the time I can spend romanticizing with others. People also avoid me. I am no one special, I like to believe.
This is far from romantic. I know she doesn’t like me, but with her body heat pressing against me. I can’t help it. It’s quite embarrassing.
“You should stand more straight,” She corrects. I shiver at the realization of how close her lips are to my ears. The distance sends chills down my body. No amount of daydreaming can make up for this moment. I shallow away my emotions and straighten my back. I feel myself press against her chest.
“Slow down your heartbeat and breathing,” She chuckles. My cheeks start warming.
“Sorry,” I squeak. She doesn’t respond, but instead continues to coach. She removes her hand from my hip and grips my shoulders. She reminds me to tighten my muscles and grip. Once she is satisfied with my position, she removes herself and stands back. I secretly let out a breath of relief. If she continued pressing her body against me, I wouldn't be able to perform accurately. That was the last thing I wanted to do in front of her.
“Now focus and calculate the timing,” She orders. I close my eyes to calm my breathing. When I feel my heartbeat going at a steady pace, I open my eyes. My sight completely focuses on the target.
I need to get this right. I have to impress Caitlyn.
My attention zooms into a specific target and I press into the trigger. Another loud bang echoes into the sky. I let out a shaky breath of anticipation. I immediately lower my gun to look at the target. I guess my hope was too high. The bullet hole was a few centimeters from the head. Better than before, but not perfect.
Not perfect enough for Caitlyn.
My shoulders slowly drop and I feel anxious thoughts creeping up again. I frown and look at her nervously. I don’t know what to expect. To my surprise, she seems sort of proud.
“Good job,” She compliments.
-
A couple of months of training have passed faster than I realize. I am surprised at how long she agreed to train me. No one else has gotten this special treatment. Even though there are times when she’s tired from a mission, she would still show up. As time went on it wasn't just training anymore. We would go out to eat dinner or a picnic on a sunny day. Not only have my skills increased, but my crush on her did as well. I spent too much time with her to not develop deeper feelings. I didn’t want to. I wanted things professional, just in case I ruined things.
The more time we spent together, the more people talked about us. Baseless rumors begin to spread. I didn’t want to hear it, but people spoke loudly- as if I wasn’t there. They all picture me as someone who manipulated her way to Caitlyn. That I am nothing special. I have no rich or authoritative name for myself. No one knew who I was until I started involving myself with her.
I thought these accusations would cause Caitlyn to stay away from me. She’s everything I’m not. After all, she has an image to keep. I do not want to stain it.
But, she never stopped.
Caitlyn started to teach me about combat. She wanted to enhance not only my shooting skills but my fighting as well.
So here we are, standing on the mat with our fists up. I suck in a deep breath as sweat begins collecting on my neck. I feel a slight painful sore developing on my stomach from her punch that I failed to block. She gestures a finger at me to make the first move. I launch myself to her and she swiftly dodges and elbows my back. I grunt and stumble on my footing. I gather myself, not wanting to give up and turn to face her. Her eyes hint with glee when she notices a shift in my face. I clench my jaw and focus on her moves. Then I saw it. A small opening where I can tackle her. I rush forward, grabbing her arm. She lets out a gasp in surprise before I hurl her onto the ground. I quickly pin her onto the ground by locking my thighs around her wrist.
I smiled brightly, my eyes sparkling. I finally did it. Her chest moves up and down quickly as she gets lost in my joy. She places her elbow onto the ground to support half her body up. I continued smiling, unaware of the plan she had in mind.
She leans her head closer, testing the waters. Her lips linger over mine before she pulls back a little. Her heavy-lidded eyes gaze up. My smile begins to slowly drop in realization. I gulp and a blush appears on my cheeks. Her eyes flicker from my lips and back to my eyes. I hesitate, not knowing what to do, but I lean forward. Eager to capture her lips, but afraid to make the first move. She gently smiles, understanding my actions before closing the distance.
Her soft lips pressed against mine. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fist. She brings her hands up to touch my cheeks. Her thumbs draw a circle while her soft lips continue to move. I lean deeper into the kiss, wanting to permanently remember this moment forever. All my anxious thoughts seem to be silent just for a short moment. She is the first to pull away from the kiss. Leaning her forehead against mine. I place my hand over hers and smile.
Caitlyn’s eyes suddenly become stern and she pulls her body away. My mind races in worry. I furrow my eyebrows while looking at her in confusion.
“I’m sorry,” She apologizes. I shake my head slowly, trying to understand.
Was the kiss a mistake? Did I do something wrong?
“I…” I hesitate. I worry about my next words. I worried that she would push herself away if I said the wrong things. I wanted to confess my feelings, but I was afraid I would embarrass myself if she said it was a mistake. I wanted to tell her it was okay, but I feared she would think I didn’t feel anything. A part of me was so terrified that she did feel something for me, but the kiss awakened a realization in her.
I never got the chance to gather my thoughts before she got up. I try to reach out and grab her wrist, but she hurries away.
“I’m sorry. I’ll… see you sometime again,” She says before disappearing. I feel my eyes begin to water. My anxious thoughts may be right this time. As much as I try to think of a different conclusion, my negativity chokes up any other possible reasoning.
-
Caitlyn avoided me. Every time she sees me walking by, she turns in the other direction. I try to force a smile. Understanding that she may be struggling with her thoughts. All I can do for her is to wait. I need to understand that I’m not enough for her. After several more days, I thought she had forgotten me. I went to my regular shooting range hoping to bump into her, but she never showed up.
As I walk with my head down, I see a pair of shoes stop in front of me. I can immediately recognize her shoes. Caitlyn had blocked my walking pathway. I jerk back in surprise before examining her in confusion. Her eye circles are dark and her hair is messy. It seems like she has been lacking sleep. She licks her lips and plays with her fingers. I stand silent with a pounding heart, waiting for her to speak. She lets out a breath and I brace myself for the worst.
“I’m sorry I avoided you,” She begins. I pause for a moment as her words sink. I summon my confidence by clenching my fist. My lips waver as I try to smile at her. I wasn’t actually happy, but I wanted to show her I appreciated her stepping up. I understand why she would want to avoid me.
“It’s okay,” I answer, a little shaky for my liking. She glances around the hall as I assume she’s making sure no one else is around. A few people walk by, giving me an unexplainable stare. I tilt my head to the side to avoid people’s eyes. She then grabs my hand and tugs me along with her. I stumble on my footsteps to catch up with her. She pulls us into a dark room and slams the door. She breathes heavily, her chest moving up and down before turning to face me again. I stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. I can still see her figure with the small lamp in the corner.
“I… I think I like you,” She confesses like the truth has been choking her to death. It's as if it’s a surprise that someone like her could be interested in someone like me. She stared at me with a scared expression like she didn’t fully understand herself. I feel my heart ache, but I force a smile again.
She’s been struggling because of me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but I realized I couldn’t say anything.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. I shift my body weight uncomfortably. My hands come up to wrap themselves around me. A poor attempt to comfort myself. She pushes herself from the door and walks over to me. She hesitates a little, before reaching down to touch my hands. I stare at the way her fingers hold mine. She’s so gentle.
“I want to try and love you,” She pauses, “but we have to do it in secret,”
I tilt my head up to look at the sincerity in her eyes. I can tell she is worried. Wondering how people would view her if they found out she was meeting up with someone lowly like me. Debating if this reveal would hurt my feelings. It’s a little humorous that she doesn’t know the lengths I would go for her.
I tightened my grip on her hands and tugged her a little closer. I examine the beauty that reflects off the orange light. She’s a beautiful woman worthy of respect and care. I remove one hand from her hold and place it on her cheeks. She leans into the touch, letting out a shaky breath.
“I would do anything for you,” I confess like a fool in love. Her eyes dilate and she lets out a sigh of relief. Her shoulders relax as she finally smiles.
-
I never thought how much more I could fall for Caitlyn. I love her. I didn’t care about the hidden touches behind doors. The secret messages we pass. It was our love that I couldn’t regret. We completely ignore each other when passing by in the halls. Oh, how I wish I could shout to the world about her. Rumors between her and I have successfully died out.
I wait patiently in my room, waiting for the skies to become darker so that Caitlyn can sneak her way over. I hear quiet quick knocks on the door. I stumble my way over and swing the door open. She stands with a shy smile on her face. I quickly grab her wrist and tug her in, slamming the door behind me.
I pull her into a hug, soaking in her warmth and scent. She hugs back with the same amount of eagerness. We stay silent for a few more seconds before I pull away.
“Are you hungry?” I ask as I walk to the kitchen, “I can start preparing-“
She calls my name, cutting me off. I stop in my tracks to look at her. She seems hesitant again, her eyes wavering. A look that brings me back to the day we stood in the dark room.
“I have to tell you something,” She explains. She starts walking to the coach and I follow along. I sit down, my knees brushing against hers. She reaches over to touch my hand with a stern look.
“I got put on a very important case,” She says. I widen my eyes and smile.
“Well, that’s great news right?” I chirp. She lets out a nervous laugh. Her gaze averts to the side for a brief second. My smile begins to drop slightly.
“It is… but I have to be gone for a year,” She reveals.
“A year?” I repeat slowly. My grip starts to loosen from her hold. I shouldn’t be scared, but there is a part of me that worries. So much can happen in a year.
“It’s a mission to go to the undercity and-“
I start to zone out. Undercity? That place is filled with horror stories. No sane person dares to step foot in there. At least that was how I was taught by others. I can’t imagine myself letting Caitlyn go down there. It’s just not safe.
She squeezes my hands and I look back at her. My face is mixed with many emotions. I should not stop her from doing her job, but I don’t want her gone for a year in Undercity. What if she gets hurt and I can’t find her? How can I make a decision when I am unsure of myself?
“Can you wait for me?” She whispers.
The decision has already been made.
I squeeze my eyes shut as I turn my head to the side. I didn’t want her to see me cry. She places her hands on my cheeks and slowly turns me to face her. I feel the warmth of her hands.
“…when do you leave?” I sniff.
“Tomorrow morning,” She responds. Time seems to pause for a moment. I wish it stayed like that; so that I could stay by her side longer. Tomorrow? This is so soon and sudden. I searched in Caitlyn’s eyes to find some type of hesitation, but there was nothing. I force myself to smile as my heart feels crushed. Nothing is going to stop her, not even my feelings. I understand that feelings alone can’t dictate her decision, but I wish it was considered just a little bit more.
Did she really care about how I would feel? Did I not cross her mind when she accepted the mission? Do I matter that little?
All the anxious thoughts blew away when Caitlyn pulled me in for a hug. How foolish am I to disregard my hurt so fast for her? Love makes a person a fool.
-
Five months have passed since Caitlyn left to go to the Undercity. I have gotten used to the feeling of being alone. This feeling is rather normal and something I am more familiar with. I still keep my duties of guarding the gates of the council building. Days and days of people not sparing me a second glance as they walk by. I sometimes wonder if they would even notice if I didn’t show up one day.
I keep the house clean. Making sure Caitlyn’s extra clothes are tucked neatly in my closet, ready for the day she comes back. When I lay in bed, I close my eyes and place my hand on the side where she usually lays. I imagine she is next to me. Humming and running her fingers through my hair. I smile for a moment, then frown when I realize I’m daydreaming again. It’s awfully cold without her touch.
11 months have passed and I feel impatient for her return. The picture I keep on the desk lacks dust by how many times I’ve touched it. Running my fingers across her face to remind myself of how soft her skin feels. My heart squeezes when I examine the bright smile that the camera captures. I gently place the picture down and lean my head against the cold surface of the desk.
Just a little more. I can wait, just like how she asked me to do. A simple task. I can do it.
-
1 year and 1 month has passed. Anxiety eats away my skin as I scratch the surface with my nails. The councils ordered a one-month expansion, just in case Caitlyn had something important to do before they sent out a search for her. The enforcers are starting to become worried at the lack of her appearance.
The councils issue a meeting to form a team of three of the best enforcers. I stand by the door with a racing heart, listening to the councils talk amongst themselves. They list off the best enforcers on documents. The back of my neck starts to feel hot. My feet feel the urge to step forward. I must go to find my love. I find myself walking forward recklessly.
“I apologize for my unprofessional behavior, but please allow me to join the team,” My voice clashes and silences the room. I glance around to see the confused look on their faces. They had no idea I was there.
“And who are you?” One of the council's questions. They rub their fingers together with an amused smile. I bow down to show my respect. I tell them my name and title, with a shaky voice. There’s another pause again, til I hear someone snicker. That causes a domino effect where they all start to laugh. I bite my bottom lip as an embarrassing blush forms on my cheeks. My eyes water, tears forming at the edge. I turn my head down to stare at the floor. They question me and my motives:
“I never even noticed her there,”
“What can a gatekeeper do?”
“I admire how much courage that little girl has,”
“Why are you so concerned?” Mrs. Kiramman’s question sounds the clearest among the others. I tilt my head up to look at her. The truth feels like acid in my throat. Caitlyn had asked me to keep our relationship a secret. I must keep the promise. It’s not like it was hard to do so. I fully understand now why Caitlyn wanted it that way. They don’t take me seriously. I am just a laughing stock at this moment. I can’t dirty her name.
I lick my trembling lips and shake my head.
“I-I just want to-”
“I’m sorry dear, but we have an important discussion to do. The fate of my daughter relies on someone who can actually save her. Return to your position,” Mrs. Kiramman orders. I choke back my words. The little courage I have left vanishes. I quickly bow once more before walking back to my place. They return back to their conversation as normal, while I fight back tears. The uniform feels hot and stuffy against my skin. I feel unworthy of wearing the enforcer gear.
The moon appears bright in the sky as I sneak my way down the streets. I tug my hoodie closer to hide my face as I make my way to the Undercity. I am going to search for Caitlyn on my own.
The air starts to become more dense. I have never been here before. I can feel my anxious heart beating rapidly. A few strangers study me as I walk by. I grip my jacket closer to my body, avoiding their eyes. My footsteps quicken with one solid plan in mind.
Find Caitlyn.
I didn’t care how reckless I was being. Walking into the Undercity with no solid plan. I can’t even confidently say I can protect myself. Anything can happen to me before I can even find her.
After walking for several minutes I realized how big this city is. I can’t just simply bump into her. I desperately look around to find someone that looks the least threatening. The task was harder to do than I expected. Most of the people are drunk or hunching their bodies as they are ready to launch forward. I scan more until I find a young boy. Innocent eyes with a few dirt marks scuffed on his cheeks. I walk to him, trying not to scare him off. He seems hesitant at first before I take my hoodie off to show my face. His shoulders visually relax. I kneel down to eye level with him.
“Hi, can you help me find someone?” I whisper. His eyes dart around then back to me. He doesn’t respond. I shuffle around in my pocket to find money. Once I pull it out his eyes brighten. He quickly nods his head in agreement.
“Can you help me find Caitlyn Kiramman? She is about this tall,” I stand to gesture her height, “she has blue hair and a sharp nose,”
I try my best to describe her to him. I hoped that the description was enough for him. Caitlyn doesn’t look like she belongs in the Undercity. It must be easy to locate her.
The young boy ponders for a moment before his eyes brighten. He places his hand out and motions me to hand the cash. I place it on top of his hand and he quickly puts it in his pocket. He gestures to me to follow along, his little footsteps patter on the ground. It took about several minutes before he paused and pointed down the street. I tilt my head to examine the low-light street.
“She’s there?-“ I ask, but the little boy has already run off. I softly chuckle before composing myself. My heart quickens and the sound of my breathing is loud due to how quiet the streets are. I stand still for a moment to evaluate the setting. That’s when I hear a gentle giggle.
A giggle that sends a wave of crashing memories. My eyes begin to water as I hear the sound again. It’s Caitlyn. I am sure of it. I silently follow the sound. I hear another voice, but can’t make out who it could be. Maybe Caitlyn made a friend while she was staying here. The sound leads me to a tunnel with stairs.
I hide beside the walls and peek up the tunnel. There in the middle of the stairs is Caitlyn with another woman. My eyes widen in joy. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I can’t contain my excitement. I found her! She’s alive and well! I open my mouth to excitedly shout her name, but quickly stop.
Caitlyn places her hands on the woman’s hip, pulling her closer. She giggles again, biting the bottom of her lip. The woman sweetly smiles and leans her head closer. She kisses Caitlyn slowly, running her hands down her waist.
Overwhelming sorrow sinks deep within me. My eyes become glossy, blurring my vision of them. My hand jerks up to grip my chest. It squeezes and pounds in pain. I never knew my heart could physically hurt. I gasp for air as I feel like I’m about to collapse. I lose my footing for a moment, sliding against the wall. I place a hand on the cold wall to hold myself.
I hear Caitlyn softly calling out my name in confusion. I quickly blink to clear my vision. Caitlyn walks down the stairs till she stands in front of me. She stares at me with a shocked expression. I feel myself forcing a stupid smile again. I squeeze my chest to numb the pain again.
“…Hi,” I choke out. A failed attempt to sound happy. Her eyebrows furrow as she shakes her head.
“What are you doing here?” She asks. I want to cry out laughing. How can she ask that question? It’s been longer than a year, did she lose track of time? Was she too busy?
“Who is this?” The woman beside her asks. Caitlyn's eyes move back and forth anxiously.
“…She’s just an enforcer,” Caitlyn reveals. I furrow my eyebrows in despair and disgust. I’m just an enforcer to her?
Was all the lovely touches nothing to her? Did the day she cried on my lap mean nothing? Whose name did she moan out when I touched her?
Without thinking I march up to her to push her. At least something to express my hurt, but the woman steps in front and shoves me hard. I slam against the wall and let out a small grunt. I already feel small and pathetic against her strength.
“Wait, stop,” Caitlyn hurries to stop the woman. I peek up from my watery eyelashes, breathing heavily.
“She’s lying,” I quietly laugh. The woman clenches her fist and walks up to me. She grabs a fistful of my jacket around my neck. I try clawing at her hands, but it was no use. She forces me to look at her.
“Who are you?” She hisses again. A tear rolls down my cheeks. I would wipe it off, but my hand is wrapped around hers. I painfully smile again.
“Her secret lover,” I choke out. I don’t have to keep it in anymore. The weight lifts off my shoulders. I had always wished the reveal was going to be for something better, nicer, and more beautiful. Yet we are here in the cold night air as I gasp for air. I take a peek at Caitlyn to see her face scrunch in guilt. The woman let go of me. I suck in a deep breath while sliding down to the ground. I grip my throat and tug the collar of my jacket away. I feel too suffocated by everything.
I collect myself as much as I can before standing up again. I try to reach out and touch Caitlyn, but I pause and hesitate. My hands are shaking. I quickly bring it back to my chest to stop it from shaking so much. I lick my lips and look at her with pleading eyes.
“I came to look for you,” I explain.
“Why?”
Why?
“You were gone for more than a year! I was left wondering if you got hurt! I got worried,” I cry out. Caitlyn shifts her footing uncomfortably. She avoids my eyes by looking around.
“Caitlyn…why are you being like this?” My voice cracks. The way she is treating me hurts so much. I don’t feel valued or special. As if… I’m just a nobody, just like how everyone else viewed me. I thought I was different to her.
“Please talk to me!” I beg. A tear escaped from my eyes as I wept. I clench my chest to hold myself. She breathes heavily while her eyes dart around. She looks worried and guilty.
“Was it because of her,” I direct it towards the woman, who scuffs in response. Caitlyn doesn’t reply. I take a step towards the woman, not understanding my actions. She clenches her jaw and rotates her wrist to get ready. Her eyes glisten against the street lights. Possession and challenge are evident on her face. I can tell she wants to fight me for Caitlyn.
I am not backing down. I’ve trained hard for this.
She swings her fist at me, but I dodge it. I launch my body to collapse her, but she wraps her arm around my waist. She elbows my back hard til I let go. She swings again and knocks the left side of my cheek. I stumble back and yelp in pain. I bring my hand up to cup my throbbing cheek. She is so quick and strong. With just one punch it sent me backward. I glare at her nervously.
“Giving up so easily?” The woman laughs. I spit blood out my mouth and stand up again. She flickers her fingers to motion me forward. I swing my fist and she dodges, allowing her a clear shot at my stomach. I grunt and stumble back again. I gained my balance and I ran to her again, swinging recklessly. She punches my face near my nose. Pain shoots down my spine. I fall down and immediately grip my nose. Blood flows out and onto my hands. My chest moves up and down fast. I want to cry, but I choke it back when I look at Caitlyn. She stands with a worried look. She looks at me and the woman, pondering who she should care for more.
I need to prove I can be better. I need to show her I can protect her. I stumble to my feet, wiping my bloody nose with the back of my hand.
The woman launches and lands a few punches on my face and stomach. I am gasping for air as I try to keep up. I try to swing to at least land one hit, but she easily dodges. Caitlyn watches me get beat up over and over. She looks away, clenching her eyes shut.
I failed her.
I collapse onto the ground, choking out blood. Wheezing for air painfully. I knew I looked pitiful. Bruised, bloody, and crying. The woman looked untouched. I just embarrassed myself in front of Caitlyn. I try to get myself back up, but the pain pierces throughout my body. I stumble and fall again. I end up kneeling, my hands weak by my side. The woman tries to come to me again, but Caitlyn stops her by shoving her back. She begs her to stop hitting me.
No, it shouldn’t have been this way. I needed to win to get her back. She can’t be the one begging for mercy. I had to be the winner. I can…
I look down and watch my warm blood drip down onto the ground. Realization settles in my stubborn mind.
I can’t protect her with these weak skills. I lost.
Caitlyn's eyes shift and darken. She grips her fist and glares at me. She is angry that I am trying so hard to win her. That I allow myself to get beat up so badly knowing I can’t win- a fool so in love with her. I look up through my puffy and bloody eyes. I smile, feeling my lips crack open.
“I’m sorry,” I wept. She forces herself to look away as tears roll down her face. Words continue to pour out from my lips.
“I’m sorry I am not strong enough.
I’m sorry if… I ever embarrassed you.
I understand why you wanted us to be a secret… why you left and found someone who can protect you.
I tried so hard to prove myself, but what’s the point anymore… I just simply can’t.
People are right about me. They always were… and deep inside you knew it.”
Tears continually roll down my cheeks. I could no longer fake a smile anymore. How can I put on a facade when I am evidently broken and weak? I bring my hands to my heart. An attempt to shield and comfort myself. My body shakes as I cry. I can’t blame her for hurting me. My understanding and naive heart is a curse made to ruin me. I loved too much and recklessly. It’s my fault.
Caitlyn brings a hand up to her mouth to silence her cries. She shakes her head. Millions of emotions crash in her mind, but she can't speak it out. It’s too late. She can not undo the mistakes she has made.
The damage had already been made the moment she laid eyes on you.
Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.
Warning: Violence, homophobia mention of attempted rape and sexist language
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◻○△ Hyun-Ju POV △○◻
The lights had barely gone out when Y/N had fallen asleep using one of her arms as a pillow and even though I was lying on my side, the space she used was still tiny, I could cover her with my arms and make her disappear without any problem.
The strands of her hair fell carefully and perfectly arranged around her head, some on her face where her long eyelashes adorned her cheeks, it was so strange to see and even more difficult to understand.
Previously, before I began with my identity recognition, my appearance attracted too many girls, many of them interested in my position and the economic benefits that this could bring to their lives, but I never felt attracted to them, they were all the same and empty.
But then why did I feel like this now? She could be my little sister, the fragile and sweet girl that I could take care of but my heart didn't feel that way, my stomach turned when she took my hand with fear, taking care that the bond didn't break so she wouldn't get lost from my side, my heart beat a thousand times faster when her eyes narrowed every time she smiled, my head spun every time she told me those words of encouragement making me see that I never made a mistake and that being who I am is no problem, she was the reason now for wanting to get out of this game and it didn't matter if I won the money or not, she was the best thing I had ever won.
Aren't you sleepy?…- she whispered making me jump slightly but I remained silent looking at her - don't pretend you're asleep… I can feel your gaze I'm sorry, I'm not sleepy yet..- I smiled at nothing feeling embarrassed for being discovered You should rest, tomorrow we will need strength to continue playing - her eyes barely opened illuminated with the warm light of the piggy bank - what are you thinking so much about? Thinking? What do you mean? - I looked at her curiously trying to pretend that everything was fine If you can't sleep, it's because your head is busy, what's wrong? - Damn, how did she know me so well? Just 3 days were enough for her to read me like the palm of her hand I was thinking… that… that this would be the last game we could play and then we would vote to withdraw from the competition - I smiled barely arranging a lock of her hair that covered her eyes I see, I was thinking the same thing, I don't want to be here anymore, when I get out I'll look for a job, no matter how bad the pay is, I just want to get out and go home - she sighed tiredly
If you don't mind telling me, now I would like to know why you decided to come to these games, what's your story?
Well… -she sighed deeply biting the inside of her lip a little and with another sigh she looked at me again- a year ago I met a guy online, he fell in love with me and he promised me that we would have a long and happy relationship, we went out for a couple of months just through messages and calls and one day he proposed to come to Korea to meet him and if everything went well I would stay with him to live and we would start a family, so… I quit my job and bought a ticket to come here… I met him and everything was going well but a couple of months later he… took all my money and disappeared, he barely paid the last month's rent and luckily they didn't throw me out but… -her gaze lowered sadly feeling ashamed- it was a stupid thing, I should never have trusted someone I didn't know
Men are disgusting… well.. you.. you understand - she laughed a little wiping her wet eyes - then you need the money for?..
To go back home, buy a plane ticket and go back to my country, I'm not welcome here and people have let me know in many possible ways, I just want to go with my family and start over what I left behind
Oh… - my heart felt like it was breaking into a thousand pieces, a part of me thought that by leaving this game she and I could get to know each other a little more, but she just wanted to run away from here, like I wanted and never hear from anyone else again - then… you'll leave
Yes I think so, but don't worry, once we get out we'll continue being friends and when I have a job I'll pay for all the necessary trips to visit you in Thailand - her eyes narrowed with the smile that formed on her lips, it was so comforting but at the same time so painful to hear that.
I didn't understand why it hurt, I had never felt that feeling of pain and abandonment in that sense, the sense of being in love with her.
Is something wrong? - Her small hand slowly touched my cheek making me focus my attention back on her just shaking my head smiling a little
Everything is fine, it's just that… I will miss my best friend as long as she doesn't come to visit me… - I lied and lied again when I told her I was sleepy and we had to sleep, I spent the night awake, watching her sleep once sleep overcame her again
The next morning, at the sound of the loudspeaker, everyone got up, as if so many hours had passed without even feeling the passage of time.
She barely woke up and jumped out of bed as if she had regained all the energy she had lost in the previous days, put on her shoes and almost ran down to greet Jun-Hee and ask her if she had slept well and if her baby had moved during the night. Y/N had barely found out that 222 was pregnant she kept asking her questions, excitedly showing that she couldn't wait for her turn.
Her authentic happiness made me feel much worse, it made me feel selfish, I wanted her for myself but I couldn't give her anything she wanted, I wouldn't give her the happy life, nor the family she dreamed of, it was a martyrdom and I only thought that I had made the worst decision to be the way I am now.
That is your punishment - the shaman laughed leaning on the bedposts - for following the wrong path that the gods wrote for you, now you will suffer, you love her but you will not have her
I don't know what you are talking about ma'am - I looked at her closing my sweater and arranging my hair with my fingers
Oh no? We are not stupid, we all know what you think when you look at her, how much you want to kiss her and show her that you love her but you don't, because you know that she doesn't like people like you, she only talks to you out of pity and she will never like you - the woman laughed, knowing that she had broken the last thing that was left in a piece inside me, she knew my secret and could use it against me to make me weak at any moment
Shut your mouth you damn bitch, you only know how to say shit, why don't you pray to the gods to give you a new brain uh? Get out of here - Geum-Ja confronted her pushing her away with her hands making the shaman go away laughing while I sat on the steps with my insides destroyed - girl, don't listen to her, that woman attacks where she knows she will truly destroy, don't give her that pleasure
She's right… - I looked at her sadly while she sat next to me brushing my hair with her fingers
Is she right? About we all know you have feelings for that girl? Of course she's right, but she'll never be right in stating what she feels or doesn't feel for you and we won't know until she tells you, maybe she sees you as an older sister or maybe as her best friend… -she smiled at me taking my hand- or maybe, deep inside, where no one knows her secrets, she feels for you the same as you do for her and it doesn't matter if you think you're not enough for her, when you're the right person for someone, all dreams come true
Do you believe in that? - I looked at her again feeling my lungs fill with air once again with her loving motherly smile
Of course, it doesn't matter what you were before or what you are now or if you are both girls, if love is sincere then love can do everything and I know you will fight to save yourself but especially her and I promise you that once we leave you two will go to my house and we will eat the best kimchi you have ever tasted, do you understand? - She laughed patting my back making me smile
''Players, it's time for a new game, please line up and leave in order following the masked soldiers''
Hyun-Ju, let's go - Y/N called me making me look at her quickly while she smiled
Go with her, I'll go with my son - Geum-Ja patted me again standing up as we both went down
Don't leave my side okay? - I looked at her as she nodded smiling and stood in front of me in the line of players
◻○△◻○△◻○△◻○△◻○△◻○△◻○△◻○△
The instructions had been clear and one thing was clear to me, I should not separate myself from Y/N at any time, she would be my priority in this game and no matter how many players there were, she would be the one who would always be by my side.
The platform spun to that traumatizing childhood song, everyone silently looking at each other
''10'' - The speaker spoke making us freeze
There are 4 of us, we need 6 more - Yong-Sik shouted desperately pulling his hair
Y/N! Here, there are 5 of us - Dae-Ho shouted pulling Y/N's arm making her look at him
There are 4 of us - I pulled her other arm bringing her back to me looking at him annoyed - Run to a room I'll look for one more
No Hyun-Ju I won't leave, let's go together - Y/N looked at me scared shaking her head
Don't worry, run! - I took her hand giving it to Dae-Ho making him pull her while I screamed looking for person 10 taking whoever the first person I saw was pulling her into the room
''10..9..8..7.''.- the speaker spoke making me nervous when I was able to enter the room and close the door almost fainting without oxygen in my lungs and the countdown reached zero we all looked at each other, the shots could be heard leaving us stunned as we caught our breath
Everyone is alive thanks to me! - the shaman shouted looking at us one by one - ah… I see why I'm here, to save your little friend's life - she laughed pointing at me
Don't start you damn crazy - Geum-Ja looked at her annoyed
As soon as the lock was removed and the door opened, everything was a bloodbath, we all walked in fear looking around confused when I felt a warm hand take mine.
You said we wouldn't separate… don't do that again - Y/N looked at me with her wet eyes
I'm sorry..- I smiled barely squeezing her hand walking slowly together so as not to slip with the blood on the floor
Again the song began to play and the platform turned again, this time with fewer players on it
''4'' - the speaker rang as soon as the song stopped making us look at each other
Run! Run now - I squeezed her hand pulling her as Geum-Ja and Yong-Sik followed us into the room and I closed the door leaning my back against it so no one could open it
This is so tiring… it's torture - Yong-Sik sat on the floor with his head in his hands desperate
Are you okay? - I looked at Y/N who was breathing heavily looking at the floor
Yes.. - she barely answered catching her breath
Again the lock opened letting us out, there was more blood and fewer people, the floor was sticky making our steps difficult until we reached the platform, once again the game began, the lights came on and the song played loudly
''3'' - the speaker announced making us look at each other again
What do we do? - Y/N looked at me scared
Come with me, we're doing in pairs and we'll look for someone - I grabbed her hand tightly, running screaming looking for someone, being pushed by Yong-Sik into the room
What are you doing here? Where's your mother? - I looked at him scared as he caught his breath
What?…what are you talking about? - he looked at me adjusting his misplaced glasses
The teams are 3 Yong-Sik, where did you leave your mother? - Y/N looked at him screaming upset
What? I understood 4, damn it - Yong-Sik tried to leave stumbling and throwing his glasses on the floor
This time Y/N let go of my hand and left quickly, grabbing Geum-Ja by the clothes skillfully by the back pulling her into the room with such force making her almost fall when she hit the wall and then she takes the door and closing it, now she was outside
No…Y/N NO, COME IN! - she looked at me through the gap in the door, her bright eyes looked at mine for the last time and then she ran - no, please no - the sound of the lock on the door rang and no matter how hard I pulled on it, it was impossible to open it
'' 10..9..8..7 ''
NO, NOT LIKE THIS, NOT HER - I looked at Geum-Ja pulling on my hair, my knees became weak making me fall on the floor as my tears fell
''6…5…4…3''
PLEASE DON'T KILL HER, DON'T SEPARATE HER FROM ME!..
''2…1…''
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Can you guess what would happen in the next episode? Can you guess who have a crush with Y/N? Let me read you! :3
Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon!
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A Quick Guideline on Choosing POV
First-Person Singular: First-person singular narration uses the pronoun “I” and is the most commonly used form of first-person point of view. This style is perfect for character-driven novels and creates a close, immersive connection between the reader and the story. However, this type of narration limits the author and the reader to a single character’s experiences, feelings, and knowledge.
First-Person Plural: This first-person narration style utilizes the pronoun “we” and is less commonly used. It combines the intimacy associated with first-person with the flexibility of third-person omniscient. First-person plural can be effective when done well but can be tedious and is limited to the collective voice.
Second Person: Second person utilizes “you” for the narrator but is more commonly used in short stories. This style easily fosters close bonds between the readers and the characters as you start to feel as if they are you.
Third-Person Limited: Narration in third person limited relies on she/her, he/him, they/them, etc., pronouns as well as the character’s name. This point of view limits the author and reader to one character’s perspective allowing the writer to exercise the closeness of first-person singular through thoughts and feelings while also offering the broader perspective of third person.
Third-Person Omniscient: This type of narration also utilizes the character’s preferred personal pronouns and name and gives the narrator god-like storytelling abilities as they can reveal any character’s thoughts, go to any time or setting, know information the characters are unaware of, and comment on events in the past, present, and future. The degree to which these abilities are used is up to you. Third-person omniscient is popular among novelists with large casts and complex plots. However, this style can lead to too many shifts in perspective.
You may find that you have a preferred point of view and then realize it’s not a good fit once you start writing your story. Many writers worry about finding their voice, but sometimes the story finds it for you. If you’re unsure which point of view to choose, consider these tips to help you pick.
Explore your options. You won’t know which POV to use unless you try them all. Try writing or rewriting a scene from your story in each POV to see which style fits your novel best.
Establish your POV. Once you’ve picked a style, stick to it and let your audience know which character they’re experiencing the story through.
Note limitations. POV will decide what information your character is privy to and thus determine their actions and opinions. Take time to review your work with your character’s limitations in mind to keep your writing accurate.
Don’t be afraid to change. If you find yourself drifting into another POV as your novel progresses, don’t shy away from revising your work into the best perspective for your story. It’s also important to note that some books shift from first to third to second, and it may benefit you to find examples of novels with varied narration to help you learn to master this style.
Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ POV
Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.
Warning: In this episode none!
In futures episodes: Violence, Strong language, female main character is considered heterosexual but she have feelings for a female (Cho Hyun-ju) and it is reciprocated, abuse for male characters.
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You were stupid, very stupid and naive, that was what you repeated to yourself every day since your ex-boyfriend scammed you and abandoned you in a country where you didn't know anyone, you couldn't even understand the language well and now you were locked up in a place full of strangers in a green uniform and with a headache you could barely bear.
Why were you doing such stupid things? You should have said no when that man approached you and offered you money, it was all for the damn money, otherwise how would you find another way to get home?
Barely a day had passed, you understood little of the first game where you saw one person after another die around you, what you had gotten yourself into, this wasn't a game, it was a massacre, as you sat cross-legged on the cold bed that had been assigned to you you could feel your hands shaking and you felt warm tears rolling down your cheeks.
Hey - a kind voice rumbled slowly but enough to wake you from your trance to look up and see a boy with long, slicked-back hair holding a small metal tray - I noticed you didn't come over for your food, I brought you some
His equally shaky hand moved a little closer to you, leaving the tray on the bed, staring at you, afraid you'd react
It's okay if you don't want to eat it, it's just that if we're going to keep playing you need strength for tomorrow - his kind but shy smile and his clear disinterest in leaving made you wipe your tears with the sleeves of your sweater, nodding taking a deep breath - Thanks - you told him, trying not to sound upset, because you really weren't and if you were it was only with yourself
My name is Dae-Ho, yours is… 144 - he looked at you curiously taking a bite of his food
Y/N… my name is Y/N - you sighed, hugging your legs uncomfortably and nervous
Hey, leave her alone - a loud and somewhat curious voice sounded behind Dae-Ho making the two look towards the sound - don't you see that you're making her uncomfortable? go away
I… I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, it's just that… - Dae-Ho looked at you embarrassed, walking away just a few steps
You don't have to give explanations, go away - the girl, a little taller than Dae-Ho, looked at him firmly, almost annoyed, following the man with her gaze as he walked away quickly and embarrassed, joining a group of men on the other shelf of beds
you can eat in peace - the girl looked at you kindly while you only responded with a slight nod and she walked away returning to her place two beds down on the shelf next to you
It was difficult for you not to go unnoticed and it was obvious that everyone wanted to get away from you, you weren't like them, you didn't share their nationality, their traditions, or their topics of conversation, you didn't even understand many of them what they were talking about, they all looked at you like a weirdo, like why a foreigner could come and want to steal their prize, it was unfair.
That's how you spent the first night, alone, trembling from the cold and fear, looking into the darkness while you cried silently and the gunshots echoed in your ears, it was a nightmare and that's how you were until sleep overcame you
The second day wasn't any better, you could barely carry yourself, you were tired, hungry and much more scared than yesterday, surrounded by hundreds of people in a courtyard with drawings of children and rainbows on the floor.
''Now, it's time to form teams of 5, you have 10 minutes'' the voice of the speaker sounded repeatedly before an alarm sounded and you saw how everyone ran looking for members for their team, but everyone seemed to avoid you like a plague.
They ran and pushed you but no one looked at you to join and if they looked at you it was to laugh and murmur
There she was again, standing in front of you with a sad look that barely met your eyes she looked at the floor and walked by your side.
Hey… - you murmured barely, only to her with fear and shame - if you still don't have a team… I can join you if you don't mind - she looked at you over her shoulder giving a sigh of relief nodding offering you her hand so she could walk by your side and not get lost in the crowd
Between your fingers you could notice the difference in size between your small and fragile hand and hers, it was big with a different strength and somewhat rough but still made you feel protected and confident
So you both walked almost in circles finding the fragile old woman and her son and then the little girl with bangs forming a team of 5
Again the games were confusing for you, you could identify some that resembled what you had once played in your country but fear consumed you making your hands tremble again
Calm down - her voice again fragile but somewhat thick made you look at her holding the air - everything will be fine, don't push yourself too much okay? Do you think you can take charge of throwing the rocks? It's just a matter of taking a rock, throwing it and making the second one fall, that's all you have to do - her voice was like a murmur trying not to interrupt the game of the first two teams that were participating
Should I just throw it? - you looked at her nervously, looking at her dark eyes behind her bangs
You just have to throw it, it's easy - she smiled at you giving you hope making you smile barely as you looked at the floor again nervously trying not to think about everything that was tormenting your head, in the background you could hear the screams and cheers that the other players made while the teams participated until a round of gunshots made you jump scared covering your ears and closing your eyes tightly - calm down, calm down nothing is happening - her arms surrounded you quickly, adjusting you against her chest, you could feel the strands of her hair on your face and a slight aroma of herbs coming from it - it's over, don't open your eyes until I tell you okay?
Your head barely nodded as you took a deep breath, the aroma of her hair made you remember the gardens where you walked when you first arrived in South Korea and her arms for some reason made you feel protected, nothing could happen to you
A couple of minutes (that seemed like an eternity) passed slowly, people were talking, some were crying and in the background you could hear the sound of the sirens of the forklifts that had come to pick up the bodies, one second after another it was a damn nightmare.
''Next team, you can take your position'' the voice from the speaker again
It's our turn - the old woman sighed getting up while you opened your eyes and stood up slowly with fear
The guards tied your ankles and after a shot the game for you began.
You walked counting the steps, being constant and fast in your tasks, first Ddjaki, the little girl with the bangs did well, then the flying rock, your trembling hands held it strong and letting out a deep sigh you threw it against the rock in the distance failing in the attempt
Girl concentrate, what's wrong with you! - the old woman shouted making your friend look at her annoyed and after her firm indication and walking as a team to pick it up the 5 of them returned to their position - don't fail, please girl!
We trust you… calm down, take a breath and throw it, you'll do well - Your new best friend looked at you smiling lightly giving you courage.
A sigh again, a fixed look at the rock and after throwing it it fell with a blow.
Everyone screamed, applauded and so on again until reaching the final task ''Team 2, you have completed your tasks'' you had never been so happy to hear that spooky voice on the speaker and once the guards untied your ankles they all ran screaming and laughing to the fence that separated you from the rest of the players, you could finally return to the dormitory and finally had survived another day.
Everyone was happy, so much so that all of you were jumping and screaming with excitement, your friend, the tall girl ran to you without wasting a second surrounding you with her strong arms making you spin in the air while both of you laughed
We did it, I told you, we did it right - she laughed jumping with you still in her arms making you scream when you felt the air on your face and your legs hanging in the air
Now, stop it, you're going to make her dizzy - the old woman laughed patting her back as a sign that it was enough until you heard gunshots in the distance again making the team erase their smile and remember the horrible place where they were
Come on let's sit down - her hand slowly and carefully took yours walking towards the bed shelves climbing up and sitting on the steps - are you okay?
Yes… I'm pretty well, thanks for helping me - you smiled rubbing your hands on your legs nervously
By the way, my name is Cho Hyun-Ju… are you? - she looked at you curiously
Y/N… my name is Y/N - you smiled shyly at her
You have a very pretty name - she smiled back shyly with her cheeks slightly tinted - thanks for letting me join you in the game you were the only person who approached me
You don't have to thank me, I think we are both rejected for certain reasons and that makes us unique in the crowd right? it's better to be united and be stronger than alone - your cheeks felt hot, the sign that they were red like cherries
You're right..
Part 2 ✨
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Thanks for reading, this is the first episode I've written about Squid Game and it was short since I have little time to update but I didn't want to go to sleep without writing the beginning of the story, I have ideas but I'd like to hear yours and write them down, just to reinforce the theme of this story the reader and Cho Hyun-ju will possibly have a romance so if these themes aren't to you please don't read it, I know you'll find something that suits your tastes. 🫶🏻
Again, Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon!
BTW: Happy New Year everyone 🥂✨
Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.
Warning: Violence, homophobia mention of attempted rape and sexist language
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My eyes closed as I felt a push that made me fall and when the counter stopped, my hands could only go to my face in fear, no shot hit me and a hand touched my shoulder making me jump scared.
Calm down, are you safe - Dae-Ho spoke in a low voice making my hands go down slowly looking around - Did I hurt you? Sorry if I pushed you too hard
I'm fine - I looked at him barely with agitated breathing while Jung-Bae looked at me worried - thanks
You don't have to thank me, why did they leave you outside? I thought they were your friends - Dae-Ho helped me up pretending to be upset
They didn't kick me out, I gave my place to Geum-Ja, she deserved that place more than me - I looked at him sighing annoyed feeling the intention of his comments
You are very brave girl, I couldn't have done it - Jung-Bae looked at me touching his chest in a sign of concern - the good thing is that we were able to find you in time and you are here
As soon as I nodded I approached the small gap in the door, it was my chance to do it because I knew that Hyun-Ju would never let me do it if I was with her.
Standing on my toes to reach the little open space in the door, I could see how they picked up the bodies, one by one putting them in black boxes decorated with pink bows and they took them away piled up without caring.
The sound of the door ringing was my signal to run out of there, looking around at unfamiliar faces while hearing murmurs and laughter from those who were crazy, I walked through the people not caring if I pushed anyone until in the distance I could see Yong-Sik and Geum-Ja hugging each other, behind them Hyun-Ju standing looking at the floor while wiping her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater.
HYUN-JU - I screamed with all the air left in my lungs making everyone turn their heads towards me as I ran splashing blood with my feet from every bloody puddle I crossed - Hyun-Ju!!
Her eyes widened, her legs buckled as she ran and she could barely hold herself up when I collided with her in a hug and her arms surrounded my body so tightly that it made my bones ache
Are you okay? Did they hurt you? - her hands took my face looking at me while I trembled - did they do something to you?
No, no I…I'm fine - I smiled at her taking her hand looking at her dark eyes
Don't do that again, you heard me? Never do something as stupid as that again, they could have killed you, I told you to stay by my side and I want you to always be there, understood? - her chest rose and fell breathing heavily while her lips trembled and her eyes mixed between fear and anger stared at me without letting go of my face
I understood..- I gave her a slight smile nodding
My little one…are you okay - Geum-Ja ran slowly hugging me tightly - you shouldn't have done that for an old woman like me, they could have hurt you
That doesn't matter, we're fine okay?..- I smiled taking her hand looking at the others- come on…we have to go to the platform
This time we walked carefully, as if slipping on the blood was the worst thing that could happen to us and ruined our green outfit.
This time don't separate from me, understood? - Hyun-Ju took my hand again standing next to me, this time interlacing her fingers with mine while I just nodded slowly looking at our hands nervously
The children's song started once again, the platform spun and I, like everyone else, looked around looking for the closest door to run to as soon as the game stopped
''2'' the speaker spoke making everyone run
Run, run! - Hyun-Ju pulled my arm almost tearing it off my body as she ran with giant steps compared to mine, pushing anyone in front of us until she reached a green door that she opened with such force that it seemed to rip it off the hinges and then made us enter leaning her back against the door to prevent anyone from opening it - we did it…
I just nodded tiredly, taking a breath as I leaned on my knees trying not to faint
Y/N..who helped you last round? - she looked at me curiously after a couple of minutes in complete silence
Dae-Ho and… Jung-Bae - I looked at her sitting on the floor - the truth is I still don't know how they did it, I just felt a push and when I opened my eyes I was inside
I'm sure it was Dae-Ho… - she looked at me smiling slightly and then looked at the floor and when she heard the door lock and the shots she quickly walked away sitting next to me hugging her knees
Do you forgive me for… leaving the room?.. - I looked at her timidly getting closer trying to see her face between the strands of her hair
I'm not upset… it's just that… I got scared okay? One second you were by my side and the next you ran away without saying anything…
I did it for Geum-Ja I…
I know you did it for her and that's very brave but how was I supposed to stay here without you? -she looked at me again with her eyes annoyed but full of something that I didn't want to confuse with love- if they killed you how was I supposed to stay in this damn place if they took away the only thing I have?
The.. only thing you have?..- I looked at her curiously while she lowered her head again hiding her face between locks of hair
Nothing… I didn't say anything…
Yes you said it.. what do you mean by that Hyun-Ju?.. what do you mean by…
that you are the only reason why my heart has found meaning to keep living… that I'm not supposed to feel this way because I know that you will never feel the same for me but I do and I feel selfish for that do you understand? - her tears ran slowly down her cheeks with her lip trembling
You're even more selfish by keeping those feelings to yourself…because then…I would have never known that you feel the same way I feel about you
No…don't say that just because I'm crying - she give a small laugh wiping her tears
Then stop crying and say it again…I like you Hyun-Ju and if that's wrong I think it's worse that we're doing this for money…don't you think? - I smiled at her trying to break the tension making her laugh again while wiping her face looking at me embarrassed with her cheeks slightly flushed
Me too…I like you…- she smile shaking her head looking at the floor- it's very stupid no? I went through all this transition to end up falling in love with a girl..
It's not stupid… if you feel that being a woman is what you are, I don't see anything wrong with you being happy, anyway we won't be the first girls to form a nice couple - I smiled at her taking her hand leaning on her arm closing my eyes feeling peace among so much chaos
When we go out, think twice before making the decision to go home, okay? - her cheek rested on my head sighing calmly
Only if you take me to see Thailand…
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So…if you're a girl…and she's a girl…you're…
Mom!…Shut up already - Yong-Sik looked at her sadly while Hyun-Ju and I laughed looking at the confused woman - that's not a question, it's disrespectful
It's just a question, you spoiled brat, don't you dare tell me to shut up, I'm your mother - Geum-Ja looked at him angrily hitting his arm making him fall on the mattress of his bed
We just like each other - I smiled at her crossing my legs on the mattress sitting next to Hyun-Ju
Yes but…how do you like her? She's not a woman yet, but she's not a man either…it's like in between, you know…what part of Hyun-Ju do you like? -The curious woman looked at me trying to figure out my head making me smile
Well…
Y/N..-Dae-Ho's voice made us look towards the stairs as he approached us rubbing his hands - Hello..everyone - the boy smiled embarrassed - I just came to ask if you were okay, it's just that after the last round I couldn't find you anymore..and I was curious..
I'm fine..thanks - I smiled barely, being kind for the act of having helped me
Well, I'm glad -he smiled looking at the floor without stopping rubbing his hands- if you're still a little hungry, we have some Gimbap if you want to come
She's fine - Hyun-Ju raised her voice making both of them look into each other's eyes
Yes, go back to your bed son, she's fine Hyun-Ju is taking good care of her girl -Geum-Ja smiled innocently making Dae-Ho clench his jaw nodding looking Hyun-Ju in the eyes before turning around and going back to his team
Mom…you don't know how to keep your mouth shut again - Yong-Sik sighed covering his face sighing annoyed
It wasn't long before we heard screams and commotion coming from the bathroom and after a while a song would play on the speakers followed by a voice
''These are the eliminated players, player 230, player 268, player 299, player 331 and player 401 eliminated''
What happened? - Geum-Ja looked at us without understanding as did everyone around who looked at each other
The bathroom doors opened, two soldiers entered followed by players covered in blood, some walking with difficulty, Nam-Gyu making a fuss while arguing between both teams making us all get out of our beds to do a count again
Hyun-Ju..-I looked at her with fear squeezing her arm- I don't have a good feeling
Me neither..but don't worry nothing bad is going to happen to you - she looked at me giving me a fake smile while we stood in the crowd of team X
Gi-Hun counted, over and over again making sure not to lose any player, in the end we had only lost 2 people and we were 1 ahead of team O and while he told us things about the previous game he also came up with a plan.
He talked about making a plan, defending ourselves because he knew that those from the other team would attack us and to get out unharmed we would have to hide under the beds, then when most of them were dead we would attack the soldiers taking their weapons and we would look for a way out.
His plan didn't make me feel more than that it was a suicide mission, how was it possible that we would overcome trained soldiers with loaded weapons, my mind only overthought and created catastrophic scenarios where we would all end up dead
Are you okay? - Hyun-Ju whispered in my ear bringing me out of the trance just making me nod - are you sure?
I don't think it's a good idea - I looked at her whispering without interrupting Gi-Hun and after a while and while the speaker announced that in 10 minutes the lights would go out each one decided to go to their bed, this time, we both decided to go to Hyun-Ju's bed that was lower than mine to make it easier for us to hide when the lights went out
Believe me, we'll be fine - She whispered taking my hand - you don't have to do anything, we'll just hide and when the guards come in I'll go with them for the weapons
Hyun-Ju… I don't need you to always protect me, just because I'm a woman you and them shouldn't take care of me from everything
They may do it because you're a woman, but I do it because you're my woman, right? - She looked at me making me feel those fireworks inside me again, it was the least appropriate moment and everything in my head sounded a thousand times more exaggerated than normal making me want to throw myself off the highest bed into the void
I… I have to confess something to you - I looked at her nervously sighing deeply - I… I grew up with two brothers, one of them is a soldier and they taught me how to shoot, maybe it's not the same compared to your experience but… if you need someone else I'll join you okay?
No… I won't let you go fight against soldiers, are you crazy? - She frowned again, a sign that she was getting upset
We went in together and we'll come out together, right? You said that I would never leave your side…
''Players, the lights will go out in 10..9..8..7..6…''
Hyun-Ju..-i sighed in fear, clenching her hand under the covers - If we don't survive tonight…
Stay calm, I promise… I… - it was now or never, in 5 seconds the lights would go out and if we were attacked there was the same chance of surviving or dying, the same chance of leaving together or never seeing her again, my head was spinning overthinking again trying to convince myself that I shouldn't be afraid, I wasn't afraid when I left that room to be shot, I shouldn't be afraid now.
My trembling hands took her face and as I closed my eyes my lips kissed hers leaving us both frozen
''5..4..3..2..1…''
I love you - I whispered barely separating from her without being able to look at her face because of the darkness around us
And I love you…let's go…
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We have an impostor…guess who?
Today i just write a little, my hands still hurting by the accident i have but i can't resist anymore, Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon!
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Summary: After everything in the Capitol had begun to settle and your memories are stable, you return to the Victors Village for Katniss.
Warnings: Katniss is suicidal and very depressed, but the rest is just hurt/comfort/fluff—Also, not a warning, but you’re basically Peeta in this situation. (SFW)
Word Count: 3450
Carving holes into the dirt was tougher than you had expected it to be. The world was warming up around you, and flowers, just as the Primroses in your hand, were blooming in the woods, but the Victors village was stuck in a gloomy time warp. Just stepping through the archway onto the dry grass was like stepping into another realm.
Everything was the same as it was when you last saw it. Gloomy and empty, the truest resemblance of the life of a victor.
You planted the Primroses outside of the house, bringing a little bit of life back to the wasteland. You watered them once they were in the ground and then you went up onto the porch. It was a miracle the village wasn’t obliterated by the bombs, but it felt even heavier than the rest of District 12. Life had continued on outside these concrete walls, nature reclaimed the ruins with haste, but inside it was as if nothing had changed.
The door was cold as your knuckles rasped its surface. You held your breath.
Nothing.
After another failed attempt at knocking, you felt worry snake through your heart. The only thing you could think about was the worst outcome of them all.
She’s gone.
No, no, that couldn’t happen. It just couldn’t. You rammed your shoulder into the door and popped open the old lock.
The inside of the house was just as depressing as the outside was. The lights were off and a layer of dust coated practically everything. The air was heavy and musty, smelling mostly old and just… bad, but the smell of death was lacking.. That was good at least.
You could barely make out some footprints on the floor that headed to the living room. Following the only sign of life, you took a deep breath and entered the living room. The curtains were drawn over the windows. You stumbled into the room, hand running along the wall and looking for the switch. When you finally found it, you took in a breath and then turned on the light.
There was a lump on the couch that shifted slightly as the lights flickered on.
You let out the breath in a sigh of relief. She was alive. Right? You did a double take.
Her hair was an utter mess of grease and tangles. Her skin was nearly white, the only flush of color tinting her nose and darkening under her hollow eyes. Her body was thin and frail beneath her loose clothes.
The only reason you figured she was alive was that her chest was frantically rising and falling, her breath shaky and hoarse. She said nothing, empty eyes locked on you.
“Katniss.” You breathed softly.
The living corpse still didn’t speak. You could just barely see the thoughts whirling in her mind beneath the haze in her eyes, but her raw lips didn’t move. Her body was present and hanging on by a thread. Her mind was gone.
You weren’t sure what you were expecting but it certainly wasn’t this.
You couldn’t figure out what to say. Words didn’t seem right for this, for the broken and numb soul in front of you.
Quietly you held your hands up, showing Katniss that you were empty handed, except for the small pack on your back that you set down on the floor with a thump. You cautiously approached her, taking notice of the orange cat curled by her feet that was staring back at you.
Hoping for some flicker of recognition, you waited at the edge of the couch.
After she studied you for a moment the fear faded from her eyes. She didn’t say anything and just lowered her head, looking at her lap blankly. She didn’t have it in her to be scared of you.
“I would’ve come back sooner.” You said softly, taking a seat on the edge of the cushion. “They wanted me to stay for a while longer to fix my memories… but I’m okay now. I remember it all.” You murmured.
Katniss didn’t respond, didn’t give any sign that she heard you at all.
The worry filled your chest once again, your heart sinking ever so slightly. For a split second you were worried that she was bitter at you for everything you’d done while hijacked, but you knew better than that.
You hadn’t seen Katniss since she killed Coin and had been sent back. You begged Haymitch and Plutarch to let you go home with her but they refused, encouraging you to make sure everything was okay with yourself first before trying to fix another destroyed girl. When the chance came you hopped on the train with nothing but one goal: Get back to Katniss.
But this wasn’t the Katniss you once knew. Yes, the games had changed both of you, had ripped out your brain and your heart and tarnished them with regret and pain, but returned the vital organs when finished. While you were tortured in the Capitol, Katniss tortured herself. Your reunion was cut short by Snow, and then Katniss lost the last flower that was keeping her alive, lost her brain, and her heart.
Prim was gone. And so was Katniss.
“I’m back now.” You said softly although you knew it was no use. “And I’m not going to leave, alright? I’m going to take care of you…”
She remained mute. She wasn’t even a human anymore. She’d lost all senses and control of herself. She was just a body waiting to die.
You couldn’t stop the sad sigh from escaping your lips, but you weren’t upset with her. You were more focused on your new task ahead: Get Katniss back.
After soothing her back to sleep, or at least getting her laying down in her catatonic state, you started a fire in the fireplace. You took a quick walk of the house. It was the same as yours had been so you knew the layout well, you just wanted to survey the damage.
Most rooms were just dirty, some of them a little wrecked from natural causes. The worst thing you saw was the bathroom that had a mold filled tub and a severely leaky sink, but you could fix that. The fridge was full with moldy food that you threw out. Katniss probably hadn’t eaten in days, much less showered.
Luckily you’d thought ahead and picked some herbs when you were in the woods. Sure, there wasn’t much food left but you could make her some soup. It would be enough to get both of you through a few days.
You simmered a pot of warm soup on the stove and cleaned most of the kitchen up. There was some old crackers stored away that you found too.
“Katniss! I made you some food.” You called softly but received no response as expected. So you poured a bowl and carried it out to the living room.
Katniss didn’t put up a fight as you sat her up, but when you offered her the bowl she turned her head like a petulant child. You tried again. She simply just stared at the soup as if she didn’t know what to do.
“You need to eat, honey.” You sighed again, taking the bowl back. Katniss was always stubborn and you didn’t often force her through things, but this was a literal life or death situation.
Carefully you scooped some of the soup up into the spoon and held it to her lips.
Katniss didn’t look at you or the soup, dead eyes staring ahead blankly. She slowly opened her mouth by instinct, letting you feed her. No reaction came across her face but she didn’t seem upset.
You fed her about half of the bowl, wiping the remaining droplets off her face. You figured she couldn’t handle solid foods yet so the crackers were an abandoned idea, but you were glad she was finally eating something.
The rest of the day was spent cleaning up some of the house. You tidied up the living room and the kitchen until the sun set, then went back over to the couch, pretty tired.
“I’m going to head back home.” You murmured softly, watching Katniss avoid your gaze. She wasn’t mentally there.. but you could hear you, and that was enough. “I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”
Katniss showed no reaction.
You kissed the side of her head and tucked her in. She just closed her eyes, lost in the fog of a catatonic depression.
Katniss may have given up, but you hadn’t. She wanted to die, but you weren’t going to let her. You would come back tomorrow, and every single day from there on. Katniss was the only person left in your life that you cared about and you weren’t about to let her slip away just as everyone else had.
The next few days weren’t exactly fun, but you and Katniss both made it through.
You started by coming and coaxing her to eat breakfast, then you continued to clean the house up while she rested. The more you checked on her, the more she began to trust you again. It wasn’t that she had forgotten you, but she’d forgotten how to be a human. You were the last glimpse of familiarity in her life and she clung to you like a raft. You still weren’t exactly sure what terms you stood on, you’d been girlfriends back in the Games but you weren’t sure if that was truly an act or not, but that was the last thing that mattered.
As Katniss fell into routine, you began to give her the tiniest tasks, just to get her up and moving. Her body was weak and frail, and she couldn’t stand for long at first after weeks of malnourishment but she was improving slowly. You managed to get her to help you clean the dishes and dust the floors, giving her something to do and look forward to.
It took a while but soon enough the small jobs had given her some sense of humanity again. She didn’t speak, whether it was a choice or she simply couldn’t, but she was connecting with you more. And she was eating better and moving around too. You’d finally convinced her to sleep in her bed rather than on the couch.
Your next goal was to get her to shower. It was pretty evident that she hasn’t cleaned herself once since her return home.
“Hey, Katniss.” You handed her a wet plate, running the other one beneath the sink. “I fixed the tub and shower in the bathroom. Do you think you’d be up for taking a shower?”
Your question confused her and she looked up at you. The blank expression in her gaze had slowly but surely been replaced by comprehension and she was beginning to interact more with you. The only problem with that was that she also had remembered she could say no.
Katniss shook her head and returned to drying her plate.
“Come on, Katniss… You need to clean up. You’ll feel better.” You urged her gently, withholding the last plate from her.
Katniss stared at you, almost offended that you’d force her to do this. She knew you were right but the thought of a shower made her shudder. She couldn’t do that… the thought of washing out her hair and cleaning her body after so long of marinating in dirt made her want to cry. And the idea of feeling better was scary.
Katniss just turned away from you. You shook your head.
As you were doing your last rounds that night, making sure the fireplaces weren’t blocked by anything, you saw Katniss standing quietly at the bottom of the stairs, watching you with teary eyes. You wondered if she had a nightmare and came down to find you, then your eyes found the brush in her hand.
Katniss had tried to brush her hair out but her hair was so greasy and tangly that the brush ended up getting stuck. She stared at you helplessly, her lip quivering. She hated being helpless but her mind hadn’t reformed enough for her to be able to handle this yourself.
“Oh, honey.” You went over to her. She said nothing, just stared at the ground, embarrassed and upset.
It took you a few minutes to free the brush. You were going to tuck her back into bed but you had become pretty good at reading her expressions and knew you couldn’t just leave her like this. Katniss had reluctantly accepted her inevitable fate.
You spent the next hour brushing out her hair. It was awful and tears were shed by both of you, but the result was worth it.
The shower was a little finickier than you thought it would be but soon the water was warm and running. You weren’t sure how this was going to work exactly.
Katniss stared at the water silently but her eyes reflected fear. She refused to move, refused to do anything.
“How about… how about you can sit down and I’ll clean your hair?” You offered, pulling an old chair into the bathroom.
It wasn’t ideal but it worked.
Katniss sat, still clothed, on the chair beneath the water. You stood behind her in your clothes too, shampooing her hair for the third and final time. She was as quiet as usual but she seemed to enjoy the feeling of your fingers on her scalp.
After shampooing her hair, you added one round of conditioner. Then you got ready to leave so she could wash herself off. You were about to step out of the shower when she grabbed your arm.
Washing Katniss wasn’t an easy process either. You stood behind her for the most part, gently scrubbing her off with a cloth and some soap.
She hated being exposed and vulnerable but she let you clean her because she knew nobody else would. You were the only one she trusted to see her true form; her thin and weak body, and the scars that painted it.
When it was all over, you wrapped her up in a towel, got her changed, and put her to bed.
Things changed from that night. They weren’t perfect or good, but they were certainly better than before. You and Katniss had grown closer overtime and on bad days, spend most of the daylight just cuddling on the couch. Katniss also had found a way to communicate with you that didn’t require her voice.
She’d found an old notebook and pen and was scribbling in it when you found her. You were late that morning because of the storm outside, and she was clearly upset.
When you finally got inside she handed you a note.
The writing was mostly incomprehensible, a lot of loose scribbles and misplaced words but you could make out what she was trying to say.
“I thought you weren’t coming.”
Your expression softened and you sighed. “I’m sorry.” You said softly. “I would never not come, I promise. I just got held up..”
You were scared Katniss’s fragile trust in you would break, but she seemed to understand. Her greeting hug lasted longer that day.
You had also begun to stay the night at her house. Sure, you lived about 25 yards away but sometimes the guest bedroom just looked so inviting… and sometimes she couldn’t make it through the night alone with her nightmares. You stayed with her through the night, cuddled around her, and she finally started to get the sleep she hadn’t had in years.
There were a lot of days where you couldn’t get her out of bed, but you understood and you laid with her. You held her while she cried, your own eyes sometimes filled with tears. You let her breakdown with grief in your arms, and you comforted her when she was aware enough to listen to you. You were nothing but patient and kind with her, something she’d never experienced before.
As Katniss began to heal, so did the world around her. The Victors village finally felt the warmth of spring. You started to bring Katniss out of the house with you.
“It’s just over here.” You murmured, your hand clasped around hers. You carefully took her down the slightly worn path of grass and stones, being careful of the wildflowers dotting the ground.
The ruins of District 12 were painful to look at, but in that pain was beauty too. The nearest town center was no longer a dark, gloomy heap, but had instead been recovered by nature itself, flowers sprouting and animals returning.
Katniss said nothing still, looking around in silent awe. Her eyes were teary but there was no sadness in them.
“Up here. You’re doing good.” You say, bringing her to one of the taller ruins of an old building. Together, you climbed up the side of it to a small platform that gave the most beautiful view.
A few tears dribbled down Katniss’s face, but they were tears of relief. She didn’t flinch when you gently tilted her head towards a nearby field of flowers; of Primroses.
Her expression softened and for the first time you saw something new on her face: love. She looked at you through a teary gaze and you nearly fell off the ruin.
The edges of her cracked lips were drawn into a smile. It was small and weak, but it was a smile.
“Do you like it?” I couldn’t help but smile back at her.
Katniss nodded. She slowly opened her mouth and let out a few hoarse croaks, then she finally managed to speak.
“Pretty.”
You almost burst into tears. It had been so long since you heard her voice, and you were so proud of her, but the last thing you wanted was to make her uncomfortable. You let your smile grow and patted her back gently.
“Very.”
Not every day was good, but Katniss had begun to speak more after that. Sometimes she’d go days without a word, and sometimes she’d only utter the most heartbreaking sentence like the one night she asked you why you wouldn’t let her die, but she never stopped communicating with you whether it be by words, pen, or even kiss. She was looking healthier and even happier.
At the peak of summer, you took her herb collecting. Katniss brought her bow just in case of any worthy game, but she was more than happy to tag along and help you collect plants. It was an activity that reminded her of Prim, just as you did. Both of you were the peace in her life, her grounding rock, her hope and strength. You were no replacement for the sister she lost, but you were something new, and somebody she could love just as unconditionally.
After your basket was filled to the brim, you two sat down on a rock near a creek. The cold water babbled and the birds sang.
You hummed with them, sitting behind her and braiding flowers into her hair.
Katniss sat quietly. She was smiling and watching the water. When your hands stopped ruffling through her hair, she turned to look at you.
“Did you ever think this would happen?” She asked quietly.
“What would?” You questioned, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head.
“All of this…” Katniss leaned into you a little, a soft sigh escaping her lips. “That we’d end up here again, together.”
You leaned back into her, your chin nestling on her shoulder as the two of you look out at the water and the woods beyond. “No. But I wouldn’t want anything else.”
“I wouldn’t care what we had… as long as I had you.”
You giggled softly. “Stop trying to one-up me.” You scold her teasingly, planting a kiss on her flushed cheek this time.
Katniss chuckled. Her head shook with amusement and she instinctively found your hand, playing with your fingers.
“Alright, fine. I’m just… I’m really happy you came back. I’m glad I hung on long enough for you to come back…”
“I just wish it was sooner.” You whispered quietly. “I wish I could’ve gotten out of there sooner and then—.”
“Shh..” Katniss hushed you gently with a kiss on your lips. “Just be quiet.”
You smiled and hugged her a little tighter from behind. “I would’ve come back to you no matter what.” You whisper. Your arms tightened a little again around her torso.
Katniss turns to look at you and she smiled softly, leaning her head against your neck.
“You came back, that’s all I care about.”