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various medieval English rulers in a grocery store

I have ingested nyquil so I am doing this

Alfred the Great: buys just enough canned food and duct tape to the point where you’re not overly concerned but you are pretty sure he’s a doomsday prepper

Aethelflaed: fills three carts with snack cakes, those church basement paper cups, and generic brand soda because no one can negotiate a surrender on an empty stomach

Athelstan: that is far too much coffee 

Aethelred the Unready: just buying every single item on his wife’s list. This is the fourth store he’s been to because Emma is very specific.

Cnut: only came here for all his Special Haircare Products

William the Conqueror: fills up a cart and just leaves without paying. just fucking books it to the parking lot I hate him

Matilda: comes in with three rowdy boys, tells them to not ask for ANYTHING, buys an armload of 5-hour energies, leaves with two rowdy boys

Henry II: walks around the store eating a bag of grapes he has not bought while Eleanor does the actual shopping

Richard I: will find a way to talk about his study abroad last year with the deli guy if it kills him. Is also texting his mom to ask what groceries he needs to buy because he has no idea

John: verbally berating everyone in customer service because they won’t let him return a dented can of peas that expired 7 years ago

Edward I: tries to use a 24 year old coupon to buy lentils in bulk (he doesn’t even like lentils?) and knocks over an elaborate pepsi display in a fit of rage 

Edward II: has his card declined and demands to know why the cashier had to be so loud about it

Edward III: says “guess it’s FREE THEN HAHAHA!!!” when an item doesn’t scan right away. several items do not scan. Gets a veteran’s discount.

Richard II: that’s uhhh… a lot of advil there buddy 

Henry V: also has his card declined but drops the “DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS” line, is dressed like lucky luciano 

Henry VI: begins to panic when Margaret leaves him in line for two minutes because she forgot eggs. the line is moving quickly…so quickly

Edward IV: he has one cart filled with wine. Elizabeth Woodville has another filled with kid cuisines. 

Henry VII: pulls out the fattest binder you have ever seen and it’s filled with coupons. His transactions usually take 2 hours and he tsks the entire time. 

Henry VIII: buys bags of charcoal and dog food just so he can pick them all up and be like “yeah this isn’t even heavy to me I don’t even feel it” also buys condoms and laughs nervously 

Edward VI: literally just buying root vegetables even though he’s 9 because he is so weird

Mary I: just coming in for her weekly supply of “praying for you” cards, always gives exact change thank you mary 

Elizabeth I (if these even count as medieval anymore): no longer allowed to do her own shopping after the sweet n low incident. Now a personal shopper gets her groceries for her. it is robert dudley 

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Yes this is her real natural hair grown from her scalp! More proof that black girls/women with natural hair can have long beautiful healthy hair! BLESSED! Love yourself.  (Her insta: njb7nyc)

Such a beautiful song.

1446. dirty laundry

Have you ever: 1. Skipped class? - yes, i started doing that a lot in high school.  2. Done drugs? - nah, you know. 3. Self harmed? - yes, i have never self harmed as much as i have been lately, unfortunately. 4. Drank? - sure. 5. Shoplifted? - never, i’m a wuzz. 6. Gotten a tattoo? - nope. 7. Broken up with someone? - all my breakups have been mutual pretty much.

What’s your favorite: 8. Show? - my all time favourites are the office and friends. lately i’ve been loving american horror story and lie to me. 9. Movie? - american psycho maybe. 10. Song? - my all time favourite is this must be the place by talking heads. my current favourites are dirty laundry by all time low and the mack by nevada. 11. Tumblr? - meh, i don’t do tumblr as much these days. i just come here to fill in surveys. 12. Singer/Band? - i don’t really have any favourites at the moment. i used to be craaaazy about good charlotte, simple plan and blink-182 though. i also love say anything. 13. Memory? - i tend to only remember bad ones. 14. Book? - my favourites are all about either mental illness or music.

This or that: 15. Invisibility or Ability to fly? 16. Cookies or Cake? 17. Twitter or Facebook? 18. Movies or Books? 19. Coke or Sprite? 20. Blind or Deaf? 21. Tea or Coffee? 

What’s your: 22. Age? - turning 22 this year. 23. Sign? - gemini. 24. Height? - about 170 cm. 25. Sexual orientation? - pansexual. 26. Shoe size? - 38. 27. Religion? - none. 28. Longest relationship? - my current one will soon be two years.

Opinion on: 29. Gay rights? - any person’s rights shouldn’t be something to have an opinion on. 30. Second chances? - usually good. 31. Long distance relationships? - cool if it works, respect. 32. Abortion? - i have had an abortion and i never thought twice about it. it’s nice that people are allowed control over ther own lives. 33. The death penalty? - i’m against it. 34. Marijuana? - i don’t really care. if making it legal would take away the hype, then please yes.  35. Love? - love is all.

Do you: 36. Believe in ghost? - definitely not. 37. Shower facing the shower head or turned away from it? - i always shower with the shower handle. 38. Sleep with the door opened or closed? - closed. 39. Love someone? - yeah. 40. Still watch cartoons? - i don’t. 41. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? - yep. 42. Like yourself? - nope.

I want to take an unofficial Tumblr census. Horror loving ladies, scream queens, wicked women, gore-geous girls, witches and bitches of all kinds…. reblog this if you’re out there.

Simply the best!!!

DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!