I've Said Before That I Love The English Teacher Jason Todd Headcanon But A Similar One I Think Is Very

We should talk more about shoes that Batfam wear with their suits. Like, surely, they have some special shoes that are made specifically for the vigilante activies, but imagine them forgetting to switch it on different occasions?

Bruce, hurrying in a place of crime after running away from gala, so goons die of laughter seeing Batman in rich-ass, patent leather shoes, and keep making fun of him.

Dick gets an emergency call in the middle of his salsa dancing classes, and everyone witnesses Nightwing's perfect acrobatic skills followed by a clicking of his boots.

Jason intentionally comes to the shootout in his cowboy boots. Was he inspired by Dante from Devil May Cry? Was it Roy's idea? Who fucking knows. But he keeps making awful puns the whole time.

Tim absolutely knowingly keeps putting on his favourite converses, because he doesn't give a fuck and other shoes make his feet hurt. Also, he looks cool, and teenagers adore Red Robin for that alone.

Cass fights in her ballet flats once. It should be funny, but the sight of her, kicking everyone's asses while acting like she is in the middle of the ballet practice, makes everyone shiver for another few weeks.

Stephanie buys herself those kinds of shoes that light up in neon when you step on the ground harshly. She decides she doesn't want to wear anything else in her whole life and gets excited when she they light up with violet, matching her suit.

Damian once woke up by his father in the middle of the night during some important case. He is so sleepy that he leaves for the patrol in his plushie, cow-themed slippers. Others are too sleep-deprived to notice.

Duke has the worst week in his life thanks to goons and finals. He is so frustrated that he just... throws his flip-flops straight in the criminal's head. The video made by some random civilian circulates in the internet non-stop.

DPxDC The Guy

AKA "There's a problem, so Jason Todd does the whole 'I know a guy' routine except his guy is Danny Fenton. And Danny literally just stands around and yaps while Jason fixes the problem. The Batfam are like??? Who the hell is this guy??" prompt idea! Lowkey dead on main but can be read as friends! :)

This literally won't leave my brain! I just imagine how hilarious it would be if one of the Batfam had a problem, maybe their bike got messed up while on patrol, and Jason's just like don't worry about it. I know a guy. He calls up some guy named Danny and asks for a favor.

Danny shows up in civvies - just an old NASA hoodie, ripped jeans, and ratty Converse. Dick expects Danny to be a mechanic or something because he's brought a bag of tools, but instead he just deadass starts talking about his day?? And Jason takes the bag, kneels down next to Dick's bike, and works on it while Danny orbits around him yapping nonstop.

Dick's just like?? Why did you even call this guy, he's not even helping???

("Jay, what-," Dick interrupts Danny's rant about his chemistry professor's obsession with Scarecrow, only to be silenced by Jason's murderous glare from beside the motorcycle. Jason nods at Danny to continue and the guy offers a sunny smile before giving a in-depth analysis of why fear toxin is just bad weed. Dick watches from afar as Danny's monologue forces several abrupt, snorting laughs from Jason. It's a sound Dick hasn't heard for years.)

The next time it happens is at the Manor. Jason is helping Alfred cook breakfast in the kitchen; Alfred opens the pantry door and pauses.

"What?" Jason leans around Alfred to peer at the curiously empty glass jar of what was probably flour.

"We seem to have some wayward flour on our hands. How odd, as I restocked it Tuesday." Alfred's tone made it clear he knew exactly who it was (Dick, who's just visited the manor the other day to 'see his siblings', AKA to raid the pantry since he didn't want to go grocery shopping) and there would be consequences.

Jason brushes sugar off his hands and reaches for his phone, almost smiling when he says, "Don't sweat it, Alfie. I know a guy."

Twelve minutes later, Daniel Fenton knocks on the door of Wayne Manor with a bag of flour in hand and coffee from the little cafe near Jason's apartment. Tim and Steph stumble into the kitchen bleary-eyed from late night patrol about two hours later. Only to find Danny sitting at the kitchen island chatting with Alfred and Jason about the English pre-war printing processes. Jason's smile is so wide that his dimples pop against his cheeks. (Tim stares, feeling some sort of... not nostalgia exactly, but something like it. Jason looks younger, grinning wryly at Danny, a streak of flour on his chin. He looks like the old Robin, the one Tim used to take pictures of and quietly idolize. Jason looks... happy.)

It becomes a well-known habit. Sink's broken? Cat stuck in a tree? It gets to a point where the Batfam know that Jason will call Danny for increasingly ridiculous stuff.

Damian: Todd, I require assistance-

Jason: Sure, I know a guy.

Damian: Is it Daniel?

Jason:

Jason: Do you want my help or not, brat?

Except one time it's serious. End-of-the-world, intergalactic crisis, tell-your-kids-you-love-them kind of serious. Jason's hand goes to his phone even as his siblings, his father Batman, and several of the Justice League grimly debate the world's fate. Nightwing notices Jason typing at his phone before the rest do.

"Hood, you can't be serious. You can't involve a civilian in this!"

Jason ignores him and the subsequent outcries of his family, the confusion of Batman and the JL, to press the phone to his ear. This time, however, he doesn't ask for Danny. When the familiar cheeky voice calls out what's cookin', good lookin'? from the phone, Jason's voice is grim when he says, "Phantom, I need a favor."

There's silence. Then, it's almost like an abrupt change in air pressure or the undeniable crush of tectonic plates grinding together. When a green portal pulls apart the fabric of reality, Danny doesn't step out. It's Phantom, High King of Infinite Realms, Space, and Heir to Father Time, clad in regal attire with a crown of white-hot flames nestled into his hair. His steps are sure when he walks past the tense crowd of superheroes.

"You called?" Phantom asks. His unnatural Lazarus-green eyes burn into Jason, but there's a midwestern twang in his voice that's so reminiscent of Danny that Jason can't help a small huffing laugh.

Jason turns back to his family and the JL, gesturing to Danny. His family have already made the connection. Likely because Danny's accent, the subtle similarities between Danny's human appearance and his Realms appearance, and the fact that there's only one person Jason ever calls. Danny turns to the League with a bright smile and introduces himself as, "Danny Phantom, but you can call me Phantom."

(And then they kiss!! Just kidding. But Danny probably saves the world and then they go back to the Manor, much to the confusion of the batfam. The batfam are all like, wtf, Jason?? You didn't tell us the guy you've been hanging out with all the time was the freakin' King of Infinite Realms?? And Jason just shrugs, and is like, well... I guess living with him kinda desensitizes you to all the ghostly shit? That's how the batfam find out Jason and Danny are living together. Are they boyfriends?? Maybe, maybe not. But it seems suspicious that Jason's always calling Danny, seemingly just because he likes being around him, hm? ;))

Dick fakes a polite charming laugh that all the Batkids have gotten wise to, and they consider it major bragging rights to be able to trip up Dick's façade and get him to break into a bone-chilling hyena cackle, particularly in front of rogues.

Just some dp doodling

this shit is the only remaining good part of twitter

hc that jason todd has an instagram/youtube/tiktok account called gatsbyreviews (named after jay gatsby) where he posts reviews of various fictional media (mostly books). thing is, he always gives the reviews in the tone of a pissed-off drill sergeant explaining something for the third time to a particularly bone-headed group of rookies. so even when the review is positive, he sounds like he's passionately defending it in court. he does all his videos in a hoodie and sunglasses, so his identity isn't clear (especially since any viewers who could have recognized him somehow would know he's, y'know, dead) but the visible scars on the lower half of his face are an endless source of intrigue to people in the comments. someone once asked how tall he was, and he responded with a video of him silently stacking up books until the pile matched his height, then standing next to the pile for several seconds before playing jenga with it and eventually knocking it over, as jenga usually ends up going. another youtuber uses the books to find jason's height (the guy in question is real, his name is shane fanx and he's known as the asian height guy) and when it's revealed that he's fucking 6'3 all his viewers start losing their minds. they talk more than ever about this massive, scarred man with the biteable thighs and passion for literature. he gains thousands of followers overnight, people are thirsting in his comments, and jason's just like "hey wtf have i gotten myself into"

on the bright side, he stops thinking he's the ugliest member of the family. after all, when hundreds or thousands of random people on the internet are thirsting over you without seeing your full face, it's hard to keep thinking you're hideous.

Clark’s favourite post-big-mission-destress is using his super hearing to tune in to whatever bullshit Bruce has to deal with on the batplane ride back to Gotham with whatever batkids were on hand during the fight.

Bruce: alright is everybody strapped in-?

Tim: -fucking told you to move up- BRUCE TELL DAMIAN TO SHOVE IT

Jason: oh my god did you see Green Arrow eat shit when that guy shot at him?

Dick: Jason YOU shot him

Bruce: Damian you have to let Tim- Jason that was YOU-?

Jason: hey i TOLD him to move out the way it’s not my fault the bullet ricochetted off a lamppost into his leg-

Bruce: i told you to leave the real bullets at home- TIM STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER

Duke: WAIT I LEFT MY IPOD BACK AT THE FIGHT

Tim: how am i the one getting in trouble- HES LITERALLY GOT HIS KNIFE OUT

Damian: i told you if you got in my way during the battle you would regret it and WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Stephanie: shut up Damian you were totally about to kick it, Tim saved your ass.

Tim: THANK YOU! AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN?

Jason: who the fuck takes an ipod to a fight we literally have bluetooth in the comms

Duke: who the fuck dies to the Joker he’s literally just a guy

Jason: OI-

Stephanie: *cackling*

Bruce: OK- Damian and Tim, opposite sides of the plane! Duke we can’t turn back now, i’ll just have to get you a new ipod-

Dick: BRUUUUUUUUCE JASONS BLEEEEDDDIIINNNNGGG

Jason: shut the fuck up you fucking snitch!

Bruce: WHO’S BLEEDING?!? JASON-

Stephanie: hey Duke can i paint your nails- TIM GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE

Damian: Father, Grayson has passed out

Bruce: WHAT-

Jason: HAH! I WIN THE BET HE FUCKING OWES ME 20 DOLLARS

Tim: what bet?

Jason: we both got stabbed so we didnt tell anyone to see who could stay awake the longest

Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-

Duke: do you guys even understand how many songs i had downloaded on that ipod? it was fucking engraved, man

Stephanie: Damian stop moving your fucking hands you’re gonna mess up the nail polish

Damian: I HAD TO ITCH MY NOSE

Jason: does anyone wanna see the video of Green Arrow eating shit or what?

Tim, Damian, Duke, Stephanie: YES

Bruce: WE HAVE TO GET DICK A BLOOD TRANSFUSION-

-back with the Justice League-

Clark: *sitting back with his eyes closed, a serene smile on his face*

Barry, whispering to Ollie: what’s he doing?

Ollie: i think it’s a post-battle meditation thing, calms him down

Barry: man, i should really start getting some healthier habits. i never bother meditating.

Ollie: he truly is an inspiration to all.

DPxDC Urgent Call

"I need your phone."

Tim looks up from his laptop. The boy in front of him looks like he's been dragged to Hell a week ago and just made it back: smudges of soot on his face, his not-so-white t-shirt smelling of smoke, and a nasty looking burn on his hand that he somehow doesn't even pay attention to. Tim thinks back to his mental list of 'Rogues currently on the loose', but it's only Ivy and Harley (who don't even count anymore), and Penguin, who is not known for setting things on fire.

"I can call 911 for you, if you want?" He offers, because this is still Gotham. Despite the fact that a slightly scorched guy casually walking into a coffee shop is not something out of the ordinary here, he's not giving his phone to strangers.

The guy grimaces and starts aggressively rummaging through his pockets.

"No, thanks, ACAB and all that, and they won't do shit here anyway," he says, and then pulls a handful of tangled golden jewelry — rings, chains, necklaces with various gems in them — from his pocket and places it on the table in front of Tim. "I need your phone," he repeats.

Tim stares. First, at the gold — these things look antique, and his parents were archeologists, he knows what he's talking about — then, back at the guy. He looks... ordinary, sans the dirt and smell.

But the burn on his hand looks significantly more healed than it did just a minute ago.

Thankfully, Tim has already had his cup of morning coffee. Which means he is thinking very rationally when he does get his phone out of his pocket and hands it to the guy, just to see what he does next.

"Thanks," the guy grins at him, plucking the phone out of Tim's hand and unlocking it. Tim's eyebrows shoot up — there's a password there! — but the stranger is already dialing in a number and pressing the phone to his ear.

It takes less than a second before someone evidently picks up, and the guy starts talking.

"I have less than three minutes before the phone dies, so listen very carefully. Etrigan is fine, Jason is not, Klarion is still being a bitch. Dora won't help anymore, so you're on your own until Sam makes it there with the staff. I'm in Gotham because, apparently, mazes and I don't mix well together, so if you could summon me back, that'd be cool," he says, a look of mild annoyance on his face.

Tim is back to staring at him. He recognizes some of the names, and, well, one could have been an oddity, two a coincidence, but three is a pattern.

"The fuck you mean you can't, I gave you the incantation two months ago!" The guy raises his voice, his foot tapping on the floor in frustration. "Do you think I just go around giving my summons to people for shits and giggles? Like, yeah, have a spell that unleashes a cosmic being of immeasurable power, use it as a bookmark!"

This interaction, despite Tim only hearing one side of it, gets more and more alarming with every word.

But then, the boy suddenly straightens up and stills, his eyes flashing bright, unpleasantly familiar green.

"You what?" He asks, his voice slipping from just angry to quietly enraged hiss, "Sold it to whom?!" But, before he gets an answer, Tim's phone makes a thin, tiny buzzing sound, and the guy takes it off his ear, looking at the screen.

"No, no-no-no," he mutters, shaking it like that would make it work. To no avail, though: the phone screen flashes a few times and goes black. The guy curses. At least Tim thinks it's a curse because he doesn't understand a word, but the stranger's face and intonation are telling.

"Useless fucking moron of a human, I swear I'm going to drown you in cow shit once this is over," he switches to English, dropping the phone on the table right by the small pile of gold, "I'll bargain your pathetic soul from everyone you've ever dealt with and give it to the Observants, and maybe, after a few millenia of endless Council paperwork, I'll have mercy and sell it back to Lucifer and watch him fry you on a skillet."

...Whoever the boy is, Tim absolutely refuses to ever piss him off, okay. That's an impressive threat to even make, not to mention being able to go through with it.

"Do you need help?" He asks cautiously. If he is getting his context clues right, this is something that involves JLD, and maybe John Constantine specifically since Tim doesn't know any other man who is a magic user, sold his soul numerous times, would care about Etrigan's wellbeing, and could invoke this kind of murderous intent.

The boy looks back at him, his eyes back to normal blue.

"Huh? Oh, no, I doubt this can be helped," he waves Tim off and pinches the bridge of his nose, "Sorry about the phone, but, unless you have a way to yeet me across the globe so I end up in London in the next twenty minutes..." he shrugs, smiling in that helpless 'nothing you can do here' way.

Tim picks up his phone. It's dead, wholly and completely, won't even turn on when he tries.

He really, really shouldn't do that. This is definitely none of his business, and very much out of his capabilities and area of expertise.

But he thinks about the zeta-tube in the Cave.

"Actually," he says, and the guy's eyes snap back to him, a bewildered sort of surprise on his face.

batman villains are funny bc they all end up in arkham over and over so its just like

killer croc, painting a beautiful and sensitive portrait representing his inner turmoil: i had no idea (insert plant) was an invasive species in gotham

poison ivy, painting a photorealistic fern: they are! they’re so widespread that its almost impossible to contain, and it really hurts my heart

joker trying so fucking hard not to call them homophobic slurs because the therapist told him he’d get extra joker mush if he behaved for once in his fucking life: