I’m Not Even Part Of This Post But I Wanted To Mention Dori And How Pretty He Is

Bilbo Baggins may be Barrel rider

But I am simply ‘Barrel survivor’

I can not stress that enough that when I was a wee lad I was almost killed by a barrel. I have beef with barrels. Man fuck barrels dude

How I think the different races of middle earth deal with mental health:

Tw: mental health, brief mention of suicide, brief mention of alcohol misuse

Please don’t read this if it will negatively effect you in any way.

It’s not that important, nothing i post is ever as important as ur mental health, I’ll see you in the next post :)

Hobbits:

Wouldn’t dare to talk about it for fear of scandal, when someone yeets themselves from the mortal coil everyone else says they drowned fishing or ate a bad mushroom. Really really bad vibes.

Humans and numenoreans:

Trying trying okay? ‘Talk to a friend or family member’, ‘have you tried going for a walk’ ‘make sure you eat lots of healthy colorful vegetables to keep the good humors up’

They don’t know what they’re doing but they definitely know that drinking about it is an answer, perhaps not the correct one, but definitely one of the answers of all time.

Elves:

They love being depressed. Everything is so god damn depressing about elves and they love it.

Seriously, if they could by melancholy flavored ice cream they would *

Dwarves:

(Note: please exclude a Mister Thorin Oakenshield from this description)

Actually generally pretty good about it, they live in the dark a lot of the time and as such don’t get enough sun and know that that is a very real cause of a bad head space, they have a lot of access to minerals and cold weather plants that work well to treat depression and a large enough work force that if you need a few days off to right yourself no one bats an eye.

Ents:

So bad at communicating that they scared the hoes.*

Goblins:

Couldn’t articulate their emotions if they were offered a gold coin the size of a shire door. *

Orcs/Orks:

Will complain to each other openly but lack any empathy to retain what others say to them so it’s just a sea of whinging and whining.

**I will also put a red asterisk next to everything that applies to Thorin because it’s funny and I’m mean **

Someone said they liked the idea of Thorin using hand gestures and not talking much when he doesn’t have to (think somewhat selectively mute, maybe using Iglishmêk) and Bilbo yapper who fills every pause with his thoughts.

Bilbo: -and then he said ‘we can’t plant roses on the terraces, they’ll freeze’ can you believe that? We had the last winter snow six weeks ago- dear, where are the measuring spoons

Thorin: *doesn’t look up from his mountain of shitty paperwork, gestures vaguely in the direction of the a drawer that he put them in*

Bilbo: *rifling through the drawer* what do you think though? About the roses? Surely we can’t be expecting anymore snow? The-

Thorin: *without looking up* There’s not enough sun on the terrace you’re thinking of…

Bilbo: but-!

Thorin: plant them at the gates..

Bilbo: oh… o////o

Is that not canon haha, that’s always how I imagine them 😭😭 like jaguars as humanoids

Headcannon:

Tolkien describes many of the elves in LOTR as ‘beautiful and perilous’ or some other combination to the same effect. What if Elves created uncanny valley effects towards the other races of Middle-earth?

The elves keep a little too still.

They blink, but hardly enough to be ‘normal’.

Their skin is a little too perfect.

Elves’ grace feels more predatory.

They can be completely silent.

In conclusion, give me more unsettling Tolkien elves. Please, fanfic writers I beg you.

This is the cutest shit I have ever seen.

I have no love of elves but I will forever make an exception for that absolute goofball

The three of them give me so much camping vibe, and my head canon is to imagine Gimli and Aragorn trying to explain games to Legolas, but he is the worst at it.

Mommy, sorry, Mommy🤤🤤🤤🤤

Princess Dís, second in line to the throne of Durin and heir to the fallen kingdoms of Erebor and Khazad-dûm.

About to go fishing, found my mums old tackle box.

My dad does just call her ‘Hobbit’ yes.

For all that they are different Bilbo and Thorin have one thing in common:

Doing profoundly stupid shit with a very smug expression.

The concept of transfem/transmasc solidarity implies the existence of inter trans warfare and I don’t know about you lot but I’m not fighting an army of 6’0 10/10s unless they have pointy ears.

Sometimes I think about when I was a brand new baby my parents snuck me into a screening on LOTRs inside my mums jacket and one of my first baby memories is fucking Moria 💀