I COULD BEEN AT MY GOAL WEIGHT BY NOW IF I JUST DIDNT FUCKING EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

God has cursed me with taste buds that don’t like any sort of 0 calorie energy drinks/fizzy drinks WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

Honestly so excited for school starting tomorrow, I love the routine and it gives me something to do and think about besides my disordered eating :)

Just finished my 20k steps, did a 10 minute stretch and stayed under my 450 cal limit we are so back and I am so ready for bed.

Goodnight lovelies may tomorrow be as, if not more successful as today has been <3

Time feels so slow when you’re restricting, the past week has felt like the equivalent of an entire month.

STUPID BMI CALCULATOR KEEPS TELLING ME IM HEALTHY

The guilt is eating me alive, knowing that it was my decision to binge, to keep eating despite knowing I shouldn’t, I didn’t have too, no one would have even truly batted an eye if I hadn’t of.

Now it feels like I can’t stop eating, I’m not even hungry my brain just won’t stop thinking about it.

I hate myself so much.

I just finished having the worst binge episode of my life. I’ve gone from 51.9kg to 56kg in the span of 2 days, consumed more than 10,000 calories, 3k at least in the past hour.

It was so disgusting, I sat on the floor shoving food down my throat, throwing up then continuing eating. It spilled everywhere, ice cream all though my carpet, all through my clothes. I tried to purge it out but nothig came up but drool. I sat in that, the drool, leftover throw up and food for what felt like 30 minutes. My stomach hurts, it looks disgusting and I’ve lost my thigh gap.

I was 2 weeks binge free, and now I’ve gone and messed it all up. I don’t even know what to do. My only plan is to take all my laxatives, walk until my legs give out, and cut myself.

I’m never eating again.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with exercise guilt? I’m liquid fasting and too exhausted to get even 10k steps today when I usually get 20k a day and it’s killing me, I’ve tried my hardest to at least burn off the calories from my energy drink but at this point I don’t even have the energy to stand up for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Binging has set me back so much, I’m all the way back up to basically 54kg and my mindset and discipline has crumbled. If I hadn’t binged I would be underweight and would have gotten more than 20k steps by now but alas it’s 4:30pm and I just started walking, and my endurance and motivation has gone to shit so I’ll probably only get 10k steps at best.

I know sulking won’t get me anywhere, and I’m getting back on track but it’s just so hard to deal with.

RAHH I’ve had this pain in my back right ribs for days now and it’s making walking so painful 😔