203 posts
i’m bored but lazy. i want to read another big book and i’m insufferable. i want to read the brothers karamazov.
How feels texting people back
……..sometimes you just gotta….open the windows in your house…….let some fresh air in…..change your bedsheets….make sure your surroundings are clean and tidy…..
what do you call a nightmare you have in the day time
i think i oscillate between periods of isolation and socialisation, i am the most balanced when i am alone but i am the most connected when i have community. i’m learning to balance the two
I’m African before I am anything else.
excuse the poor quality of the photo but DAMN. Can’t believe I walk around looking like this.
I hate Sundays. It’s like all my negative feelings are amplified on sundays. Almost as if my body has a clock for it. I start feeling shitty as soon as it hits 12am. nasty work.
I want to make a magazine this summer
wash hair day is the equivalent of upper body day at the gym
lowkey need to know what being in love feels like. it will probably drive me crazy but hey
i have unconquerable faith in the plan i don’t even know yet
liked too many cat pictures and videos I can’t even see my mutuals’ posts anymore😭
so it turns out that time actually does go by faster as you get older. just like how adults told me it would when i was younger. pisses me off
meow (i love my face) 💞
god i love clumsy people
so glad it’s almost the weekend so i can clean this mess
ironically, the friend I did this with ghosted me lol. the rhubarb matcha was good as hell though.
[gripping the sink] perfectionism does not help me avoid embarrassment or shame. perfectionism is in itself a form of shame. when i struggle with perfectionism i struggle with shame. when i struggle with perfectionism i struggle with shame. when i struggle with perfectionism i struggle with shame
Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that
yum yum
So I started reading this essay on Aeon, only 14 pages, I thought. Easy. I’ll breeze through it and read another one (trying to make it a habit to read more essays).
I’m on page 3 and completely spiraling (in the best way).
It’s about Plato, love, and beauty… specifically Diotima’s “ladder of love” from the Symposium. Basically, the idea is that what we think of as love (like being into someone’s looks or charm or whatever) is actually just the lowest rung of a bigger, higher journey. What we’re really in love with isn’t their body, it’s the beauty that their body reflects?
And at first I was like… I get it but I also don’t? But then it i understood. We’re not just drawn to a person’s hands or eyes or smile, we’re pulled toward something those things point to. Something more abstract. We love not just their kindness, for example, we start to love kindness Itself. And once you realize that, it’s like your love detaches from just one person and expands outward… you start seeing beauty everywhere, in everyone.
And then I started thinking, what if this whole “ladder of love” is also a metaphor for faith?
As someone that was brought up Christian, even when I have doubted the existence of God, I kinda never really stopped loving what “God” represents: compassion, forgiveness, honesty, gentleness. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s not about whether we can prove the source. It’s about the fact that we’re drawn to it. The beauty of that source?
That longing for the good, the beautiful, the meaningful maybe that’s what’s divine in us.
It’s like a person standing in sunlight and the sun is casting their shadow on the ground. We fall in love with the shadow, the body, the charm, the vibe but what we’re really responding to is the light behind it. The source. The thing we can’t touch, but feel. Does this make sense omg..
So yeah, this is only three pages into the essay. Gonna nap.
kinda mad that working out actually makes me feel better