Ma'am. You're On The Job, Keep Your Eyeballs In Your Pants.

Bastian Pastewka and Anke Engelke, Germany’s most popular comedy duo. I love them so fucking much. Their friendship!! >>>>>>>>>>

hotch: i need some serotonin

prentiss, standing up, only to sit back down: i didn’t remember what serotonin was until after i stood up, so i was deadass about to go get you some

m's hotchniss masterlist

current hotchniss works :) pls check cw/tw before you read and perhaps maybe you're welcome to request something (i can't promise i'll write it but i'll definitely see it and Think Thoughts)

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fics

doomed | hurt/comfort // healthy communication hotchniss aka emily and aaron have a Talk

twice, three times | angst // hotch mourns losing the second love of his life after losing the first one too

home again | angsty hurt/comfort // emily’s alone in paris missing what she was forced to leave behind

see you later | angsty // emily’s back and hotch leaves for witness protection

not like this | fluff // hotch and emily go undercover as a couple

blurbs

'another nightmare?' | hurt/comfort // emily has a nightmare and hotch is there to help her

‘i still find myself falling asleep with you on my mind’ | angst-ish? // drunk emily calls hotch but they’re exes and hotch is with beth

wips (slash ones i just keep talking about)

illcit affairs // inspired by the song by taylor swift. not finished yet but catch up on the snippets/details here and feel free to send any ideas/feedback!

also sticking this here bc i don’t have another home for it yet…

web weaves

hotchniss + illicit affairs

hotch: you guys have written … fanfiction about us?

morgan: it’s not about you

prentiss: the main characters are two police officers names aarya and emilio

morgan: okay so it’s a little about you, but relax, it’s not like anyone here has read any of it

jj: i’ve read it. i think it’s well written. morgan has quite the nuance for subtle characterization

garcia: i’ve read one story. i’d be more concerned with morgan’s fixation of aaron’s – excuse me, emilio’s arms than anything he has ever written about well … aarya

hotch: has anyone else written about us?

reid, slowly raising his hand: unlike morgan, i stay away from the mature stuff becuase, that’s too weird since we’re friends, but i do write stories about when you two will finally admit your feelings

rossi: reid’s is really good, but i prefer the fics where hotch realizes his feelings before emily

strauss: enough! i don’t want to hear anything more about this fanfiction, from this moment, there will be no more reading or writing about any of my agents. is that understood?

the bau: yes, ma’am

garcia, as soon as strauss has left: rossi, tell us more about your fics

hotchniss x glimpse of us ???

i am SO editing that shit now

good intentions, bad execution

part 1/? of my hotchniss future au series

on the hottest day of the year, the last thing emily and aaron want to be doing is picking the kids up early from camp because someone is misbehaving.

rating: suitable for viewers of all ages. warnings: none. wordcount: 4k

read on ao3 read on ff.net

Keep reading

what organs would i have to sell to see this version of hotchniss together

jj: any cute things to call your partner?

prentiss: sugar

hotch: honey

prentiss: flour

hotch: egg

prentiss: 1/2lb butter

hotch: stir

prentiss: pour into pan

hotch, high-fiving prentiss: preheat to 350 degrees

jack: it’s old person day at school

hotch: what does that mean?

jack: i dressed up as rossi

hotch: oh i love this