😪‼️‼️‼️

throwback to when i used to date alot of men and called a slut but at that same time, i fell in love w girls for the first time and ppl started calling me rude names lmfao

remembering when i had my first date and i dumped him cause he wasn’t interested and my female friend came and i fell for her too

then my “boyfriend” liked my female friend and i felt annoyed cause i fell in love w her but didn’t realise my queer “signs” from that memory. i really wanted to be w her and to date her but i felt fucking nervous.

remembering when i had a second date and i absolutely hated when men had a crush on me especially when he had a gf and went “oh youre (mean comment)”

i would force myself to have a crush on men and even if they LIKED me, i NEVER felt the same cause trauma experiences and reasons (mostly into girls that time)

the way i fell in love w (a) girl(s) bf and then i felt disgusting afterwards because i didn’t like men that much.. then I ended up catching STRONG feelings for her TOO BUT MORE than that BOY.

then caught feelings for all my female friends. ALL of them.

then my family wanna have audacity to say i’m lying and that i owe them alot of things w being gay and queer and coming out and that if i didn’t come out, they’d force me out there themselves.

my god my comphet was showingg. i’m suprised how i am gay my whole childhood but never realised. i’m so disgusting oh my my myyy😹 /neg

(tone tags pls)

I saw another girl (we saw each other on monday) and we finally became friends

I stared at her and she randomly came up to me and said “hey you’re quite funny ... and i like you”

When this fucking girl said that

I looked at her IN THE EYES

AND like I said the same thing too

(I know im probably attracted to girls who knows)

And we became friends.

We went out in the rain, talked about things since we were friends, she found me funny throughout everything so like she said she liked how funny i was

Bare men crowding to me complimenting me (I said thanks but no feelings)

So when she went, I stared at her ass (her ass accidentally) for just 3 mins like I DONT KNOW I couldnt control looking at her

She was just nice.

Rn my heart is just ❤️‍🔥 for the 2 girls.

JUST ..

why is my attraction to girls so .. complicated but also very clear ???

?

oh yes

goodbye 2022, hi 2023 🎉

HAPPY HALLOWEEN YALL ♥️♥️♥️

i feel overwhelmed. tell me if i should do this.

i’ve thought alot about masking my neurodivergency. i’m often called the r word because of it so i’m just gonna mask my symptoms and try to appear normal so that people accept me.

but then, the person who supports me is always with me due to my illness so what can i do 😹 everyone’s gonna know and see it anyway.

i don’t care if i have a meltdown. i just wanna appear normal 😹

also hiding my gay identity since everyone knows now due to that ONE person.

the one time i wanna have an animal crossing theme for my birthday, i had to be told off and wont be getting it cause it’s too “childish” 😨

today at school, i had some “friends” and one friend went “who’s ready for pride month?” and they were all cheering in the classroom and then this one friend who sat next to me (found out she makes fun of me sometimes) said so much horrible things about trans people and the lgbtq community (mostly the trans and non binary community including genderfluid)

they started saying they hate trans people bc we “take the piss” and they never understand why we go by he/they and she/they and that and they invalidated neopronouns too saying “wtf are neopronouns? some neopronouns users actually have pronouns like meow/meow, xe/xem, etc” like why would i wanna call you that like that’s so stupid (laughs)” and they started talking about this teacher who got sacked bc he misgendered a student who was trans and trial for 3 days and now they went “oH nO OfFENsE but what is genderfluid? what is that? bc why am i a man the next day, a female today, a trans next day, and demi fucking the next week like that’s so confusing and you can’t change genders like that so they need to stop that HAHAHAHHAA” and the “why do you guys use he/they pronouns? and she/they and whatever? like you can’t use more than one pronoun and gender equals pronouns like stop being stupid” LIKE I FELT SO INVALIDATED OMFG

“and i never understand the non binary mfs who use more than one pronouns or say their gender is this that like THERES ONLY 2 GENDERS. female and male. nothing else???”

and they just said so much more like oh my god (message me if you wanna hear the rest) and i just hate them for it. I BROUGHT MY PRIDE FLAG for celebration in my bag and thank god i never brought it our bc yall wouldve invalidated me.

i hate people. lgbtq ppl are extremely valid. yall cishets and straights NEED TO SHUT UP.

i am literally. this close. THIS. close. to. fucking. cry. and shout.

my family has a serious obsession w me being gay and keeps forcing me to come out and out the closet. no matter how hard I say no, I REPEATEDLY hear “oh you came out? cant hide now can you?” like no bitch i was basically out years ago at a young age w all those subtle signs of queerness but brushed it off and went w being straight until my queerness became visible to me. i just wasnt so sure and i didnt know this community existed until i was like really old. back then you never knew I was GAY LMFAO.

and they keep saying “you owe me an explanation as to why you’re gay”, “if youre gay why watch kpop boy groups?” (she keeps calling them chinese and i wanna fucking smash a wall omfg), “you owe us a coming out story”, “youre not gay stop lying” etc then I said I don’t owe them shit and they REALLY said “oh but we’re your family? we should know” like.. there’s worser they said but dear god. that house is so lgbtq+ phobic, im suprised. the homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc was REAL and showing in that HOUSE and the whole convo was just utterly disgusting.

i had my own PERSONAL experiences, lemme keep it confidential between me, myself and I.

then she says “oh but do you like 🐱 (down there) or a 🍌 (a guys below)” ? like dont fucking sexualise me??

they kept outing me multiple times,, and keep bringing up that i am a GAY PERSON.

LEAVE ME ALONE?? then my sis had the audacity to say im making up “excuses” like you’re straight? stfu you are not GAY. don’t speak for me. ever heard of unattainable men? oh ofc not cause youre so ignorant lmfao

I hate it here so much...

y’all mfs need to understand, not every person who likes women is a fucking lesbian. People can be bi and have a gf / attraction to girls. and just like how having attraction to men doesn’t mean you’re “being gay” or “straight”. you can be bi, pan, omni, etc even ace and like men. NOT EVERYONE WHO HAS SAME SEX ATTRACTION IS GAY AND/OR LESBIAN. bi, etc people EXIST.

I feel so annoyed and upset, and they SAW my vents in my phone about everything that happened to me. like don’t go through my fucking phone w/o permission??? and then my friend blocked me cause she got jealous AFTER ALL OF THAT.

and this is ALL on christmas. YESTERDAY.

ffs this christmas is fucked up bruh.

I’m never coming out.

and then the way I said people can change lgbtq labels of their sexuality, nothing bad and then my family goes “but you aren’t cake? how the fuck can you change labels lmfao stop lying”

Well done, thanks for forcing a fucking person to come out and out me numerous times.

the only way I’ll come out in when I leave this fucking dungeon. now I can’t even like women anymore now cause i feel so disgusting....

i really need help to feel comfortable in being queer. im really going through a hard time and I need some support please.

the kit conner situation is so rude and unpleasant. literally where the hell is respect for closeted people,, the community is actually disgusting for making him out himself.