My Mission, Should I Choose To Accept It, Is To Find Peace With Exactly Who And What I Am. To Take Pride

My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.

Anaïs Nin (via wordsnquotes)

The “C” word ..

Calm your tits kids, I don't mean the actual C word i’m sure you think I mean ..

My father has CANCER .. never thought i’d see the day. When your little you tell yourself “oh that will never happen to MY DAD” You assume all those bad things happening to other kids are only going to happen to them and not you. Well was I sure as hell WRONG. Big time .. My Dad has a tumor in his bladder. Unfortunately it is also spreading to his kidneys. On top of the CANCER, he has 2 aneurysm’s in his “main” arteries. If CANCER doesn't kill him over night the aneurysms will .. I just don’t know how to feel right now. I want to be there for him and make sure he living out the rest of his days happy. But I am 24 years old, I have a husband who is deployed overseas for 6 months. Is it totally fucked up that I don't know how to be there for my Dad during this time. I have a job that I literally just started 2 days ago .. which I LOVE !! So how do I tell them i need to take time of for my father who has every kind of thing wrong with him. I feel like a BITCH. My brother and sister are there to be with him. My Mother and Father recently separated so she isn't there for him. Which makes me feel even more terrible for him. He doesn't want to tell him “family” I agree but I don’t agree with his decision. My cousin, his niece is getting married in the Bahama's next month and they are all butt hurt that nobody in my family, sister brother, father .. are not attending it. Who the hell is going to give us the money to go ? sure as hell not them lmao. We are not rich .. we get by paycheck to paycheck. So they are pretty upset with him. He doesn’t want them knowing about the CANCER for that reason. He doesn't want the FAKE sympathy. Which I totally understand. But i know for a fact that if I had CANCER and I didn't tell my dad or siblings .. they’d be pissed AF ! So I can’t imagine what they are going to do when and if he passes and they didn't know that he had CANCER .. yikes. This is all floating around my mind and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it so i figured i would vent it on my page. I don't normally do this and I’m sure nobody is going read it because everyone has their own problems going on in life. But if someone does read it and has any input I would love to hear it. I have nothing else better to do. None of my friends talk to me any more. I am just pretty unimportant without my husband here. I miss him so much. 4 more months to go ! Right now I am just going to put it all in GODS hands. I know he will take care of the situation. He will do what he knows is best for my family.

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cancersucks ilovemydaddy militarywife deploymentsucks jesustakethewheel

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kristmgun

7 years ago