L-adystardust - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

CONTROL | 2019

Revolutionary parenting hack:

If your child is in the middle of some activity and clearly enjoying it (and wasn't supposed to be doing something else instead), DO NOT interrupt them and have them do chores that will "only take 5 minutes or so!"

You haven't asked them to do anything before they got out the Legos, started reading a chapter of their book or painting the complicated picture, or began playing their video game.

As a result of being repeatedly interrupted, they will learn that their presence in public space of the household=availability to do chores, so they will make themselves scarce so you can't find them and order them around. They will also become suspicious of your efforts to engage with them as they play, as they've learned that these pleasantries are a prelude to "Take out the trash", or "move your boots and vacuum the entryway, there's dirt everywhere ".

"But I need my children to help me around the house!", I hear you cry. I understand. Children should not be treated like royalty and left to their own devices 24/7.

An alternative is to give the kids a clearly delineated chore chart and stick to it, resisting the urge to add anything to it. There are some chores that are easier and quicker with two people, though. A (in my opinion) even better option is to divide the child's day into "on-duty" and "off-duty " time. When they're on-duty, you can interrupt them as before, but you have *consulted with your child beforehand * and they understand that during this time they can relax, but they must be ready to jump in and lend a hand.

That way they won't start trying to level up in their video game or break out the clay and make stuff. When they are off-duty, you leave them alone and their only responsibilities are to clean up whatever mess they make at the end of this time.

Also, if they are tearing around the house or whining about being bored, don't make them do chores so they will "have something to do"; this could make the child conflate extra chores with punishment for whining and make them reluctant to help out when you randomly tell them to at other times because they might think they're being punished but they have NO IDEA WHAT THEY DID. And IMO children should see chores as things everyone has to do no matter what, not punishments.

I may seem unqualified to offer parenting advice as I have no kids, but I was talking with my dad today and he said: "I wish you didn't hide from us in your room so much, but every time your mom walked by she'd give you a chore to do, so I can't blame you for that." A kid who hides in their room to play has an entirely different relationship to the family than the child who sprawls on the livingroom floor and excitedly describes the city they are building out of Legos.

And today, in times of Covid I play a complicated game of hide-and-seek with my mother as I try to do my online coding homework and apply for jobs. I am now attempting to turn my bedroom into my own tiny office because if I work in our home office, she'll find me and go "I can't attach this file to my email," and so on.

Children *have* to obey their parents when they are young. But true respect and honoring collective responsibilities is stronger than forced obedience. If you demonstrate to your children that you respect them and their time, they will reciprocate.

Transfeminine voice:

Transgender voice and communication

Eva App

Voice pitch analyzer

Video tutorial

First video in a series

First in another series

Voice Training Through Singing

Voice advice

Reddit’s advice

Voice training website

How to develop a feminine voice

TS Roadmap’s Advice

Professional Advice

Prismatic Speech Advice

“Is there surgery to make the voice higher?”

Darlene Alderson in Mr. Robot eps2.0 unm4sk pt1.tc.

Angela&Elliot + dividing lines

There will always be this divide, my wall she can’t look over. 

the adhd/executive disfunction combo is the WORST because no matter how much extra time i make to complete a task i know i will NEVER be finished on time because the more time i give myself the more time i feel like i have to waste getting distracted. im in hell.

I have burrowed underneath your brain. I am nested there. I am the scream in your mind!

[“Listen.”] … [“Hello? Hello?!”]

If you are an adult who identifies with the concept of Gifted Kid Syndrome and:

You have an unusually intense reaction to the concept of rejection, whether personal, professional, or academic

You have consistent trouble meeting deadlines

You have big dreams and ambitions that are completely achievable, but you consistently can’t take steps toward achieving them and you don’t know why

You procrastinate, like a lot

You like video games, like a lot

You switch seemingly at random between binge watching your favorite shows for absurd lengths of time or not being able to sit down and focus on them unless you’re doing something else at the same time

You cannot for the life of you keep your living area clean and organized

You struggle with substance dependencies, whether with alcohol, tobacco, weed, harder drugs, or even just caffeine

You struggle with texting/calling/emailing back, even for people you care about deeply and/or even for important deadlines

Please, please, please consider seeking out an ADHD evaluation.

I’m not a psychiatrist or any kind of a medical professional, but personally I can’t help but notice how many elements of what I was perceiving as personal failures before my diagnosis stem directly from my executive dysfunction. Meds and an adequate support system can make a world of difference!

Just some advice from your friendly neighborhood nonbinary-mom-friend blogger!

Some days when I'm feeling less dysphoria, it's really easy to doubt my identity. How do I keep myself from questioning this even more??

Lee says:

Documentation and self-validation!