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I’ve been through a lot, Darlene.

#what i feel like doing on any given day

Any advice, or links to pages I can get advice, for things like tucking, and getting started trying to pass? I really appreciate any help you can give me! Hope to hear from you soon. Isabel-Lynn

Dear Isabel-Lynn:

Tucking:

To those of you who don’t know what tucking means, it basically means to hide the fact you have a ‘malehood’ as some call it. Some find it incredibly uncomfortable and others are completely okay with it. My recommendation is that you read here…

http://www.racked.com/2010/8/3/7792181/how-to-tuck-dolls-stepbystep-guide-to-packaging-and-panties

And -only- in the section predated by “in RuPaul’s book Lettin’ It All Hang Out she outlines the perfect tuck.” I’m not too much of a fan of the rest of the article given it feels kind of… Uncomfortably worded.

If tucking hurts, don’t do it. It’s not worth damaging your body.

Starting to pass- THE VOICE:

Voice training voice training voice training. I struggle with my voice because I am abhorrently tone deaf, however it is important that you start to try. There are many places to look or to try to look for voice training help, though professional voice trainers exist and I’ve heard miraculous things about them before. 

If you want to try it at home, there’s a wonderful reddit post. https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/1ske7b/mtf_voice_training_regimen/

You *may or may not be* comfortable with taking a voice recording program and playing back how you hear. While it can be uncomfortable it can also help you piece out what your issue is. Many DMAB [designated male @ birth] women struggle with their voice because they think pitch is everything. My biggest struggle is learning to not speak with my throat and chest, which causes the deeper ‘rumbly’ parts of your voice. Keep at it, hon, it’s something we all struggle with.

Starting to pass- THE LOOKS:

Find what works for you. I have found things that do work for me or don’t work for me whatsoever, for example eyeliner works great for me. For me, Target sells cheap but good makeup to get started with. It won’t cost you $100 for a single piece, but it’s still not cheap! Straightening my hair works great for me– get haircuts! Don’t be afraid to find androgynous ones if you feel safest not going straight to fully feminine. It’s totally understandable. 

Things that shape your face in ways you like are important. Scarves in the winter can help hide your adam’s apple if it’s prominent. Take care of your hands– use moisturizer, take care of your nails, the likes. 

Starting to pass- THE CLOTHES:

You’re a girl! Find clothes you like. Don’t be afraid to wear guy’s clothing if you want– it’s your choice– but I’ve personally found that it’s difficult to not frame my shoulders in an obvious way. I’ve seen some people recommend waist cinches (basically a corset) but I recommend being cautious about this. I don’t know the health risks. Below are two highly rated women’s waist cinches.

https://www.amazon.com/Flexees-Instant-Slimmer-Waistnipper-6868/dp/B0007UOLIK/ref=pd_sbs_a_17

https://www.amazon.com/Squeem-Magical-Lingerie-Shapewear-Compression/dp/B000QWA2GY/ref=sr_1_1?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1326843132&sr=1-1

Find colors and shapes that work for you. Frilled skirts can break some of the image.

OTHER THINGS- HORMONES

Hormones! If you’re a transgender woman, hormones are important. They do a lot for you. They make your body redistribute fat, soften the facial features, slim certain areas, (apparently they shrink your shoe size), reduce hair growth in certain locations (not the face), and in general soften the skin and hair. Try looking for local doctors regarding hormonal replacement therapy [HRT]. 

OTHER THINGS- SHAVING

Shaving your face is one of the important things. Sadly an obvious beard or shadow is a pretty good giveaway. If you’re going for guaranteed full-time, laser procedures (while requiring many visits) are able to almost permanently remove your facial hair. It can be somewhat painful and sensitive after (I’ve heard it be compared to having a rubber band be snapped against your face). 

OTHER THINGS- BE YOURSELF

Don’t ever, ever think that you can’t be yourself. Be the person that you want to see yourself be, don’t sacrifice interests or passions for the sake of trying to pass. If you like to skateboard, skateboard. Videogames– play them! Be yourself. Confidence is key and you won’t be confident if you forego every interst you’ve had that’s masculine. Love yourself and treat yourself like you are who you want to be– but don’t forget that you don’t have to leave everything behind.

I hope this helps you and everyone else on here that needs help, Isabel-Lynn. The future will be bright. While things may be scary now, there is always a light in the darkness to move towards. 

I sit down next to my friend.

Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age (2017 / 2019)

I suspect humans are the only animals that know the inevitability of their own death. Other animals live in the present, humans cannot. So they invented hope.

I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS (2020) | dir. Charlie Kaufman

Are you my monster?

COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT

Love this.

via myperfectmaze_ on twitter