My Toxic Trait Is Carelessly Getting Dressed In Front Of Open Windows Because If Someone Wants To Look

How to write about Grief:

There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Just as there is no right or wrong way to write it. Everyone is different, each set of circumstances are different. 

The point of this post is to show you how different people react in different ways, and give points on how you might write that, depending on your character and story.

Reactions to Grief

Numbness: Your character may go into auto-pilot and be unable to process the events that have unfolded.

Anger: This can be aimed at other people, at a Higher Being, or at nothing in particular.

Unsteady: Your characters may be unsteady. For example, unable to stop their voice from shaking or they may find it difficult to stand.

Focusing on Others: Your character may disregard their own feelings because they are so overwhelmed and instead concentrate on someone else’s well-being. 

Seek out routines: Amid upheavals, your character may seek comfort in tasks that are familiar and “safe,” such as working, cleaning, making their bed, making absurd amounts of tea or taking a morning walk.

Pretending that Everything Is Okay: Grief is viewed as an emotion that should cease or be concealed once the funeral is over. So people mention the news in an offhand comment, then talk and laugh as if all is right with the world.

Denial: Some people deny the reality of death and convince themselves that the news is a joke or can’t be true.

Reactions from people surrounding your character:

People may avoid your character as they do not know what to say or simply can’t find the right words.

Some may even go as far as to cross the street when they notice your character approaching.

Even people that the character has known for years may act strange or standoff-ish, simply because they don’t know what to say.

On the other side of that, some people may be overly helpful and friendly.

It is not uncommon for estranged friends, family or others to suddenly reappear in a person’s life after they have experienced grief. 

Either because those people want to offer their support and love  or because they’re being nosy and they want to be kept up to date on the “drama”.

Most people will move on from the event fairly quickly if they weren’t emotionally invested. 

Some people may even get annoyed at your character for still being upset weeks or months later.

When talking about the person they have lost:

Your character may recall a memory or tell a story about their loved one, these are possible reactions. (I have encountered all of them.)

Your character may being to cry or get upset at the thought of the person they have lost. 

The person they are talking to may become awkward and avert eye contact when your character brings up the person they have lost. 

Others may ask or tell your character to stop talking about the person they have lost. They may roll their eyes, cough awkwardly, or cut off your character mid sentences so that they can change the subject.

Some people may ask inappropriate questions about the circumstances in which the character’s loved one passed away. Depending on the personality of your character then may react differently. 

Other things to note:

Grief is not constrained by time. 

One of the main problems with grief in fiction is that a character is typically heartbroken for a couple scenes and then happy again. But grief does not evaporate because the world needs saving. 

Allow your character to wrestle with their grief. 

Your character may feel guilty. Your character may feel a twinge of guilt when they laugh or have a good time with someone else; when they do something to remind them that they’re alive, and their loved one isn’t. 

Grief is a game changer. A previously outgoing character may withdraw and isolate themselves. Some people may take grief and/or bereavement as a sign that life is too short; they may make big decisions in an attempt to make themselves feel better and grow away from their pain.

Sometimes grief can help you find your purpose.

At first grief can be all consuming. It hurts and you can’t really control it. It may seem unrelenting. Eventually the grief will become easier to deal with, your character may find the days to be better, but that doesn’t mean that when the grief hits it doesn’t hurt any less.

For most people, grief never really goes away. “Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be.”

It is rare that a person will ever give a long speech about their feelings, a lot of people struggle to even find the words. But that’s okay. Show the reader how your character feels, rather than just telling them.

Don’t pause the plot to deal with the aspect of grief. This could overwhelm the readers and drag the pace down. In reality, life doesn’t just stop due to grief, the world keeps spinning and things still need to be done. Use the character’s grief as a backdrop for the story’s events.  

Yes, grief affects the character’s day-to-day life, goals, and relationships. But it shouldn’t drive readers away or stagnate the story. Instead, should engage readers and produce empathy that keeps them turning pages.

You don’t need to tell your readers that everything will be fine. You don’t need to provide all of the answers.

“Skirting grief and treating it lightly is easy. But by realistically portraying it through a variety of responses and its lasting effects on the character’s life, readers will form a connection with your characters.“

Me writing at three a.m.:

Me after waking up four hours later, sleep-deprived, eyes bloodshot, one eyelid twitching as I stare at an incomprehensible doc filled with word nonsense:

Me: *hasnt finished my WIP*

Also me: *already planning a sequel*

next fucking level

When it comes to your writing, you are allowed to do the following:

Be proud of your work.

Have fun. 

Enjoy the process.

Celebrate milestones no matter what they are, whether that’s 100 words written in a day, 5k words finished this week, or a final draft.

Take breaks.

Rest.

Do other things that have nothing to do with writing.

Work as fast or as slow as you like.

Write “cliches”.

Outline.

Fly by the seat of your pants.

Partly-outline it and fly by the seat of your pants the rest of the way.

Rewrite.

Write to publish.

Write with no intention to publish.

Write for only yourself alone.

Feel free to add on!

just been making mha tik toks for the girls and the gays

How to write a character-driven plot

The Character-Driven Plot Wheel

1. Emotions drive actions.

Make your hero act on their deepfelt emotions. This not only adds meaning to their actions, but also helps communicate to readers your hero’s core emotional struggle.

2. Actions trigger consequences.

When your hero acts, give their actions consequences that affect the plot, themselves, and/or the surrounding characters. For example, driven by curiosity, maybe your hero opens Pandora’s box; maybe they act recklessly and someone dies; or maybe they stand up for what they believe in, but at great personal cost. Consequences raise the stakes and empower your hero with agency.

3. Consequences compel change.

Use the consequences of your hero’s actions to create a crucible of growth — challenges and situations that force them to take the next step on their character journey. That step may be forward, or backward, and it may be large or small; but something inside them changes.

4. Change influences emotions.

When a character goes through a change, even a small one, allow it to affect them emotionally. Maybe they feel increasingly frustrated or guilty. Maybe they’re afraid, having just taken another step closer to abandoning their old way of seeing the world. Or maybe they finally feel peace.

Regardless of the form it takes, remember to reflect your hero’s change in their emotions. Then let their emotions drive action, to trigger consequences, which will compel further change.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

And there you have it! That’s how you write a character-driven plot.

So what do you say?

Give the wheel a spin.

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Your stories are worth telling. For tips on how to craft meaning, build character-driven plots, and grow as a writer, follow my blog.