3x06 || 3x13

So my wonderful @uncapedcru5ader pointed out something interesting that I had never noticed before while we were watching Good Omens together:

For the entirety of episode 5 and about half of 6, Crowley stops calling Aziraphale "angel" and starts referring to him only by his actual name.

The first time (chronologically) that Crowley calls Aziraphale "angel" (at least as far as we can know) is during the French Revolution.

So since at least 1793, Crowley has always called Aziraphale "angel". (Except for one time, a very serious time, when he calls him to talk about the beginning of the end of the world.)

And then - they have a fight. And he stops.

Episode 4: Saturday Morning Funtime.

"I'm going home, angel. I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving. And when I'm off in the stars, I won't even THINK about you."

That was the last time (for a while) that Crowley called Aziraphale "angel."

In the bookshop fire, he calls him Aziraphale.

When he sees him again after thinking he was gone forever, he calls him Aziraphale.

Every time he refers to him, its not "angel", it's "Aziraphale."

Crowley doesn't call him "angel" again until it's (mostly) over, after Armageddon’t.

This is unusual behavior for someone who has been calling his lover friend the same pet name nickname for over 200 years. So why the change?

It's not that he doesn’t want to call him "angel" in front of other people. He's done that loads of times before, and, frankly, they have more important things to worry about then.

It’s not that he’s too mad at Aziraphale to call him a pet name nickname. As seen above and in 1862, he calls him “angel” even during their fights.

No, Crowley’s worried that they aren’t there anymore. He’s worried that Aziraphale really meant it when he said “it’s over”, that he isn’t his angel anymore and is just Aziraphale now.

I am sure that while Crowley was drowning his sorrows after the fire, the last thing he said to Aziraphale kept playing over and over in his mind. Crowley has a temper. He says things he doesn’t mean when he gets angry. He knows that that was a complete lie.

But Aziraphale doesn’t.

Even after the discorporated Aziraphale shows up, Crowley has got to be thinking: “Damn it, I really screwed it up this time. I’ve hurt my best friend and he’s probably still mad at me. Probably the only reason he’s still associating with me is because he needs my help to save the world.”

If you ask me, Aziraphale showing up was the only reason Crowley left that bar to go save it. If Aziraphale needed his help to save the world, than by god satan, Crowley was going to pull himself together and help him save it, whether Aziraphale was mad at him or not. Because, to him, a world with Aziraphale in it was a world worth fighting to save.

But I digress.

So Crowley pulls himself together. He’s not exactly sure where he stands with Aziraphale, but they work together to try to save the world. And the entire time, Crowley doesn’t call him “angel”, because, as far as he knows, Aziraphale is still mad at him.

And then - they win. They stand against horsemen, their respective bosses, and even Satan himself, and they win. That night, after they’ve saved the world together, Crowley and Aziraphale sit at a bus stop. It’s dark and quiet and it’s just the two of them. And Crowley tests the waters.

He gently, ever so gently tries to nudge Aziraphale and himself back to where they were. He doesn’t growl “We’re on our side”, like at the bandstand, he doesn’t plead with Aziraphale to go off with him. He softly remarks that they have their own side now, and offers to let him stay with him, if Aziraphale wants.

For once in his life, Crowley is moving slowly.

And Aziraphale appreciates it and accepts him.

Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

- Jamie Anderson

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i.

the first time i met you, i couldn’t pronounce your name when you introduced yourself. my tongue stumbled over your name as if it became drunk off its syllables alone, to my embarrassment and your annoyance. tongues are a tricky thing— they are kind enough to hide everything you aren’t brave enough to say but cruel enough to make you taste the bitterness of your secrets. i wonder if you still taste her. i wonder if her name tastes like sun or vodka burning on its way down or the cold side of the bed or the things you never said to her or the love you used to share. i hope you spit out the taste of her name when you left her. because i’ve stopped sharing room with other women in the roofs of people’s mouths years ago. it took me a lot of blood and even more tears to teach myself i am too large to share a mouth with someone else— the taste of my name is made of cayenne pepper and tumeric and honey that stings, too potent to mix with someone else. i, too, have the sort of name tongues get drunk on. you do not see that we are the same yet.

ii.

if i had the chance, i’d swallow you. i’d devour the lies you tell yourself and digest the truths you’re courageous enough to admit, i’d take you straight and i’d let you burn on the way down like my throat was born to sting. i wouldn’t hesitate. but i am so frightened that if i dared taste you, it would be her aftertaste that would remain, or if i tried to describe your flavor i’d say her name instead. i can’t kiss with tongue if your mouth is still drunk off the very syllables of her name. because while i’ve learned to say your name correctly, my stomach craves to pronounce it, too. my teeth are sweetened by the very sight of you.

— tongues hold so much more than names (ap 12.21.18)

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