The Batcave Has A “Do Not Talk To Me” Couch. It’s Sacred. It’s Unspoken. It’s Real.

The Batcave has a “Do Not Talk To Me” couch. It’s sacred. It’s unspoken. It’s real.

okay so. picture this:

the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.

and that is exactly why it became sacred.

because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.

next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.

and thus it began.

Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:

You sit there? No one speaks to you.

You cry? No you didn’t.

You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.

If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.

Dick (sitting on the couch):

Damian: Grayson, are you—

Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.

Jason: I don’t make the rules.

Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.

Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.

one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.

tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”

jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”

bonus:

once bruce sits on it.

and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.

tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”

they all leave. immediately.

the couch is not ready for bruce.

extra bonus:

alfred vacuums around the couch. never says a word. leaves snacks in a silent offering. once placed a weighted blanket gently on jason’s shoulder. that’s different. he’s allowed.

More Posts from Lily-xkz and Others

3 weeks ago
lily-xkz - ★Lily★

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2 months ago

Thank you Dianxia

Dianxia's Words Of Wisdom 🙏

Dianxia's words of wisdom 🙏


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6 months ago

Yes, please stop this it's weird

guys guys this might sound crazy but maybe we don't name our Chuuya Nakahara lovechild ocs after the real life Chuuya Nakahara's son who died of tuberculosis at 20 months old. maybe we consider being respectful to a man who never fully recovered from his son's death and had a nervous breakdown because of it. I know the whole point of BSD is mixing real life authors and stories into an anime but i don't want to see the name of a dead toddler reused for your Soukoku lovechild OCS on my feed, or anywhere at all. that's extremely disrespectful and just plain insensitive in my opinion. the sufferings of someone who actually lived in real life did not happen in any way for you to used to make your OCS quirky or more connected to Chuuya Nakahara. <3

4 months ago

10 Soukoku headcanons 🤎🧡

Dazai used to rant about chuuya to oda and ango. He would be all annoyed about how chuuya should just listen and be his 'dog' while oda and ango were making bets on when he would realise that he likes chuuya. ( oda said 18 and ango said 30 )

Dazai would always put tracking chips in chuuya's hat and clothes as a way to always know where he is. ( He doesn't want the stormbringer incident to ever happen again)

When chuuya learned that dazai lives in a shipping container, he started to randomly come by and bring things like food, clothes and even some furniture. He always left it and dazai never said anything about it either.

Chuuya when he first joined the mafia couldn't read that well so dazai taught him and even taught chuuya how to write kanji.

One time, both of them won phone keychains for each other at the arcade. Chuuya got dazai a mackerel keychain and dazai got him a slug keychain. ( They both still use those even after dazai left the mafia)

One time while chuuya was using corruption and dazai's hands were in a handcuff instead he ran and headbuded chuuya. ( He could have broken the handcuffs but he just wanted to mess with chuuya )

Sometimes when mori couldn't take elise shopping, dazai and chuuya would take her out. Dazai would just talk about nullifying her and not wanting to deal with her while chuuya would actually be decent and treat her well. ( Elise prefers chuuya )

Dazai pranks chuuya multiple times a day when he was still in the mafia. He would put flowers or slime on chuuya's hats, replace chuuya's cologne with weird scented ones, put sicky notes on his back , etc.

Chuuya would also take revenge by pranking dazai. He would bring dogs near dazai ( knowing that dazai dislikes them) mess with dazai's bandages by drawing on them, giving dazai's phone numbers to women dazai slept with and etc.

Dazai used to eat chuuya's lunch, chuuya would complain but after a while he started bringing two bento boxes as the only time dazai would eat anything other than canned food.

10 Soukoku Headcanons 🤎🧡
7 months ago

SK8 APPRECIATION REBLOG

Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .
Yea .

yea .

3 months ago
Just. Gotta Get These Out
Just. Gotta Get These Out
Just. Gotta Get These Out
Just. Gotta Get These Out

just. gotta get these out

6 months ago

Very much miss them

I Miss Them Reblog If You Miss Them
I Miss Them Reblog If You Miss Them

I miss them Reblog if you miss them

7 months ago

This is so real

"*insert ship/headcanon* would never happen in canon"

Oh gee well maybe that's why this is a FANdom. Maybe that's why I'm writing/reading FANfic. Maybe that's why I have HEADcanons that i made up in my HEAD.

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lily-xkz - ★Lily★
★Lily★

15yo idiot bisexual who's in like a million fandoms I post art dumps once in a blue moon when I have enough stuff for one

109 posts

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