Just Saw An X-ray Of A Horse Skull. Can’t Say I’m Too Happy With It

Could i please get a small mammal cursed bio fact if u have one

the grasshopper mouse of the southwestern United States looks like a standard house mouse but is almost entirely carnivorous and is known to kill and consume everything from less homicidal mice to goddamn rattlesnakes, which they kill by jumping onto the snake’s back and gnawing through its spine

I found these very important pictures while doing an assignment for class and I thought I’d share them with you :)

chiggins in the sun

unrestrained summer fun

No kissy hooman 😼 

(via)

OH YE OF LITTLE FACE

hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!

this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.

give it up for…

I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.

(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)

seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.

oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.

this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.

for a turtle, I mean.

this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle). 

their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)

now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.

Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.

when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)

the true face of terror.

when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.

beats pumping gas all day, I guess.

in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.

we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.

it’s only common sense.

despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)

this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)

the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.

please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org  img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com  img4- Joel Sartore  img5- Turtle Survival Alliance   img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore

Mark Oliver Everett, Things the Grandchildren Should Know

Cat dimension

READ MY LIPS

TIME FOR WEIRD BIOLOGY.

and this week’s creature feature looks like something that could be found in the cosmetics section… of an interdimensional hellmarket catering specifically to Elder Gods. 

it’s a trendy shade of sultry scarlet and it lives on the edge of boiling geysers at the bottom of the ocean- give it up for the-

it looks like evil spaghetti.

the Giant Tube Worm was discovered in the icy hell-depths of the Pacific Ocean waaay back in 1977. I would pay actual money to hear what the very first researchers to gaze upon a writhing field of these things were thinking. (“hur hur it looks like evil spaghetti”, perhaps. I can only guess.)

but I mean, if I went to the bottom of the ocean and found an immense field of previously unknown 8-foot-long worms waving their mouthparts gently from inside bone-white protective tubes? my response would probably just be screaming.

can you blame me? really?

but what actually are these bizarre creatures? well, for once the name is absolutely correct. the Giant Tube Worm is a worm, and a distant cousin to the pink shoelace creatures that flop onto the sidewalk and die after a rainstorm. (but you wouldn’t be able to tell from looking.)

these extremely secret creatures live at depths of over 5,000 feet, where no light reaches and the pressure is enough to reduce an African Elephant into a sad grey pancake. this doesn’t bother the Giant Tube Worm! (the pressure, not the concept of flattening an innocent elephant. though worms have no morals and their advice CANNOT be trusted.)

INVEST YOUR LIFE SAVINGS INTO CRYPTOCURRENCY.

but aside from the pressure, the Giant Tube Worm tolerates conditions that we usually only think of existing on other PLANETS. like, the bottom of the ocean is ice cold, right? (if you didn’t know that before, you do now.) the bottom of the Pacific Ocean hovers maybe a few degrees above freezing. (cold enough to freeze an African Elephant! we’re picking on elephants today, I guess.)

at least, MOST of the ocean floor. see, the Pacific Ocean is littered with thousands of volcanic vents, ranging from actual goddam volcanoes (like All Of Hawaii) to 30-foot tall underwater geysers that spew superheated water and deadly toxins from the Earth’s mantle.

guess where the Giant Tube Worms live!

no no, YOU HAVE TO GUESS.

that’s right! out of all the hellish places on earth, this animal looked at one that was already nightmarish and said “hm. not awful enough.” and moved next door to a boiling poison factory. just for the hell of it.

these aptly named “black smokers” can reach temperatures of well over 800 F (HOT ENOUGH TO BOIL AN AFRICAN ELEPHANT) and release the extremely lethal compound Hydrogen Sulfide (TOXIC ENOUGH TO POISON AN- yeah okay, I’ll stop) into the water. it sounds deadly to us, but for a Giant Tube Worm, this is prime real estate! and it’s because they’re basically aliens.

take us to your leadderrrr.

not only can Giant Tube Worms withstand extreme temperatures from boiling to freezing, they actually EAT those toxic chemicals! sort of. it’s complicated. 

I’ll start simple: the Giant Tube Worm doesn’t have a full digestive system! where most creatures have a stomach and a lot of gross tubes, the Tube Worm has… symbiotic bacteria. and a LOT of them. these bacteria can make up half the Tube Worm’s goddam body weight! gross.

but these aren’t just any bacteria! these are the tube worm’s tiny life partners- they’re are able to use chemosynthesis, which is like photosynthesis but more complicated. basically, they use oxygen in the seawater to break down toxic compounds like hydrogen sulfide into food and energy! it’s a neat little system with no loose ends. loose ends are for filthy surface dwellers.

eels are okay, though.

but how is the tube worm even getting these compounds? well, it’s all in the lips. (stand by, things are about to get EVEN WEIRDER.) 

those “lips” are actually an appendage called a plume. it’s bright red because it’s full of hemoglobin. if you paid attention in health class and didn’t faint like SOME people (shut up, I’m just a little squeamish!) you know that this is the same thing that makes human blood red. (and also elephant blood.) 

the plume absorbs chemicals and oxygen from the water, and is so efficient that Giant Tube Worms are one of the fastest growing marine invertebrates! they’re extremely difficult to study for obvious reasons, but scientists think they may reach adulthood in just two years.

clearly, this eating-chemicals thing pays off.

kids, DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME.

because of their life choices, Giant Tube Worms enjoy an existance largely cut off from the rest of life on earth. (a darker, writhe-ier existence.) because of this, these incredible animals are little effected by human domination. (except when we go down there and shine bright lights in their faces, anyway.) however, Giant Tube Worms are part of the web of life like the rest of us. (NOBODY GETS A PASS. NO. BODY.)  

see, the oxygen they use for chemosynthesis isn’t from the black smokers, or even really from the ocean. that oxygen came from photosynthesis, making the Giant Tube Worm as dependent on plants and the sun as the rest of us. it just goes to show, we’re all connected even if we think we aren’t! thanks, Giant Tube Worm!

PLAY SOCCER IN A BUSY INTERSECTION AND EAT A HOTDOG YOU FOUND ON THE GROUND.

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- ResearchGate img2- BBC img3- Wikipedia img4- University of Melbourne img5- NOAA img6- NSF img7- Peter Batson img8- Deep Sea News