Literature-and-screaming-blog - Gender Is Dead I Eated It

Reblog to bonk your mutuals on the head every time they start thinking negatively about themselves

ok, so since i'm a huge language nerd i decided to translate all the ancient hyrulean tablets in totk best i can from middle english into modern english! for anyone interested they are under the cut :)

Account of a Celebration

So sweet the song of King Rauru, and so great the beauty of his sister's dance, that were my eyes and ears captive.

And so gracious Queen Sonia's gaze on us all, so felt I my heart as captive fallen.

Servant's life, though much laboursome, has much jollity as well. Long be the life of the royal family that I love so.

The Strong Queen and the Receptive King

Sonia, queen to Hyrule's king, was born a Hylian priestess, herself born of land, not of sky above.

Spoke she with open heart, earnest to all, even to the Zonai's king.

This king thought it a good advantage to learn of the land's folk. To see his head bent to listen is such pleasantness.

The Harmonious Couple

Oft wise Rauru, king of keen blade, waives his real work in favor of the hunt.

And oft clever Sonia, queen of keen insight, seeks him out and repairs this king to kingly business.

In her sapience seems she divine, that she ever can find him, and for his folly seems he the more human.

And the king? Oh, he laughs. Not him her equal for her wit, he knows. And the queen, she laughs too, even as she scolds.

A Pilgrimage of Light

The king was late in coming this evening, so made the queen to share tales of her land, of shrines all green glowing.

Of early days since Hyrule's founding have diverse monsters her realm besieged and assailed.

Unceasing in strife, they brought to despair folks' lives. King and queen set themselves to bring the scourge to an end.

With might of light and power, they were driven back, and the royal couple made these shrines to seal them away.

These holy seals were called Shrines of Light.

Great king, great queen, I thank you. You fought when I was a maiden-child, that I could come to know.

The Researcher Mineru

Clever Mineru, the king's elder sister, falls so deep in her books such that she oft forgets to eat.

In my worried way I've done what much I can, but so far it has been to little avail.

Of late speaks she of "constructs," things she did make with her hands as a vessel for spirit when body fails.

So, said she, might she live long, in spirit housed within this "construct."

Though Mineru seems not to hold any deceit… By my faith, I cannot believe these words as truth.

The Foreign Princess

Full fine is the weather this morn, and have I audience with this princess said to be kin by far distant years to queen Sonia.

By grace has she been given a name most sweet, of Zelda she is called.

In certain folk stirred suspicion, for strange were her garments and sudden were her appearance.

Yet would her countenance and bearing make proof of her right blood and bond to queen Sonia.

As Zelda is to remain for a while with us, I will extend an offer of myself as housemaid in her service.

The Free-Spirited Zelda

Princess Zelda recently comes to see Mineru, the king's elder sister. I come too, to serve her.

Today it came to pass that Mineru showed to Zelda the greatest construct I have seen.

Zelda, she much desired to ride on it, and nothing I could say could stop her. Though I did protest. Loudly.

Nevertheless she made to sit high upon the construct's shoulders and to ride it like a horse, all full of grace.

My admiration, so great already, did grow all the more.

The Latest Trend

Fashion now favors garments adorned with mushroom patterns, and far and wide are they worn.

This taste for mushrooms comes of the castle's seamstress, who sought to sew clothes to please princess Zelda.

This fashion, Zelda told the seamstress, was in her true home well-loved.

In her time everyone wore patterns of bright hues, in the shape of mushrooms.

Now our handy seamstress set her heart on copying these patterns, which sell to many happy people.

I searched after some for my own, but none could I find.

An Ancient Ghost Story

Of late have I heard it told a strange lady walks around the castle in the dark of night.

She and princess Zelda seem as twins, but this one has not the light in her eyes- more as a dead thing than not.

When she is asked about these walks, princess Zelda does of that remember nothing.

What monster, or spirit of darkness, is this vision? So afraid I am of my imaginings that I cannot sleep.

For the Hero's Sake

Since her founding has Hyrule seen such hardship, but that is only a small moment of time.

Mineru, the king's elder sister, says of this kingdom that it must not be caught unaware, not even in the far future.

Princess Zelda tells her that this future is wrought already, that a champion does from the sky come.

Between the two, they made to find a way to help this champion in that distant time.

Hear my vow, sought they to raise up the Temple of Time, into the sky to ward it against evil.

All done so in far distant day, our kingdom might be saved.

In my heart I know I must help, and I asked of Mineru, can you devise the means to raise up in the sky these stones.

My words are not enough, but they save these memories, of the royal family, high in the sky for that future time.

The Day the Land Rose

Such a wondrous sight I have beheld that it cannot justly be described.

The Temple of Time I saw, and all land holding it, risen to the sky, both fearful and majestic.

As princess Zelda told me, in far distant future comes a champion to that place, the hope that saves Hyrule.

For that champion is it that I inscribe these great stones.

The king's elder sister, Mineru, sends now these stones to the sky, that the champion might read them.

A Parting Resolve

Rauru, Hyrule's king. Sonia, her queen. His elder sister, Mineru. And too Princess Zelda.

All whom I served, and loved. All whom are gone. Alone carve I these words upon this stone.

This stone, and all thirteen, serve as the royal family's record, my final work, full-wrought for all time.

Many the mark made by these much-beloved people - some seen, some unseen.

When I make remembrance of her marks, feel I a flame of hope, though small, within me.

It is as though these marks describe some grand design.

I cannot match princess Zelda in her love for her land. What more then, ask I, can I do for Hyrule's people.

Let my life lead me henceforth for a worthy answer to this question.

Technology really is magic. I know that’s said a lot but like I’m sitting here looking at one of those chargers that you put your phone on top to wirelessly charge. And today is the first time I’ve really looked at it and gone “truly how the fuck does this work”

Maybe we stress about fantasy worldbuilding too much. We’re like “oh we gotta know the rules of the magic system,” no you don’t. I don’t know the rules of our magic system. If Aragorn, son of Arathorn got hit by a truck that orcs and goblins were driving flintstone style, and he transmigrated into my living room, I would not be able to explain any of the technology around me. I have no idea how I’m making this post. Imagine the first caveman who was like “oh shit the wheel” and I’m nodding along with that cave man. I understand how the wheel can roll. This next sentence was supposed to be about how I can sort of grasp how landline telephones work, but then I thought about it and no I don’t. I am surrounded everyday by mystical forces.

Anyway I have to use this particular charger because this miracle machine’s charging port is fuckin broken again

not to be happy online but I love the world so much

wdym an average platonic bond cant be deep and meaningful do none of you remember the power of friendship

heart - shaped scallion found In pho . reblog for good luck & yummy soup 500000 forwver

I have a deep reverence for deep nuts jokes. I worship at their alter and carve them into my skin.