Brooklyn Eagle, New York, October 31, 1920

Big fan of angels being autistic btw. "How does an entity like that have a neurological condition" Well they can act like that. Angels having traits that read as autistic. Incomprehensible being trying for their best mimicry of human behavior. You understand

“omg you’re so creative. how do you get your ideas” i hallucinate a single scene in the taco bell drive thru and then spend 13 months trying to write it

nb people are members of the fae

As a kid, I wasn't taught any concept that there's a difference between wanting to do something, and enjoying it. I was a largely unsupervised kid with undiagnosed ADHD and parents who expected their kids to just raise themselves on their own. So when I was capable of spending hours drawing or reading a fun book, but couldn't even remember that I had homework, ever, I was told that I simply didn't want to do well in school. And who was I to question that, I'm eight years old.

Enjoyment and passion were the only forms of motivation I knew, and if I couldn't make myself either love doing boring math homework as much as I loved my hobbies, or force myself to push through things I hated with sheer willpower alone because I want to succeed so bad, then clearly I was simply not as good as all the other kids, who could do that. And that attitude carried onto adulthood. Every time I struggled to muster genuine love and passion into something, I thought that I just don't want it badly enough. Not to enough to love it, or to suffer through it.

Being medicated for the first time was a game changer. Like holy shit, so this is your brain on dopamine. And suddenly I wanted to do things, turned my life around, took up the passion career I had never dared to try. And when the first "honeymoon phase" of the meds wore down, the same fear came back - I don't like this anymore, do I not want it bad enough? What else could I possibly want?

And I shit you not I was literally 30 years old when I understood that life isn't just either loving every minute of pursuing a passion that you love, or joylessly dragging yourself through things that you don't even want to do. I can just tell myself "just because I don't like doing this doesn't mean I don't want to be doing it." It's not a mark of failure, weakness or lack of motivation, if sometimes the career you want to be doing just feels like having a job.

Well, I’ve read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: ’live people ignore the strange and unusual“. I myself am strange and unusual.

Things that make me (autistic and goth) a vampire:

Sun? No, thank you. Instant kill.

Counting everything. Please don't throw rice at me.

Invite me directly. "You're always invited". No, I have to stand at your door and you have to say "Come in", else I can't physically enter.

Did someone eat garlic like 5 days ago? I can tell.

You don't want to be informed for three hours about the different sounds bats make?

Black cloths. Everything else is too overstimulating.

Very formal and rigid way of speaking and behaving, almost like a dark lord in 1894.

"I've recently started this hobby... wait, this was a decade ago?"

an indecision, but a large one

one of the things that makes autism a disability (and why some of us choose to label it as such rather than an “alternate neurotype”) is the stress. 

part of autism is just being incredibly stressed. overstimulation? stress. holding a conversation? stress. something happening to our schedule? stress. people talk about how often autism is recognized and diagnosed via our stress responses (like meltdowns) because it is just so common to see autistic people stressed because of lack of accommodations to how our brains work.

and this matters because stress kills. stress causes a lot of health issues, or it can trigger pre-existing ones by making certain chronic conditions flare up. i once had a psychiatrist very unhelpfully tell me i “just need to manage my stress” when the stress i was describing was things i could not avoid in neurotypical society and can’t “just get over”. i can do “self care” all i like but i cannot at the very base level change the way my brain inputs information and reacts accordingly.

“If autism isn’t caused by environmental factors and is natural why didn’t we ever see it in the past?”

We did, except it wasn’t called autism it was called “Little Jonathan is a r*tarded halfwit who bangs his head on things and can’t speak so we’re taking him into the middle of the cold dark forest and leaving him there to die.”

Things that make me (autistic and goth) a vampire:

Sun? No, thank you. Instant kill.

Counting everything. Please don't throw rice at me.

Invite me directly. "You're always invited". No, I have to stand at your door and you have to say "Come in", else I can't physically enter.

Did someone eat garlic like 5 days ago? I can tell.

You don't want to be informed for three hours about the different sounds bats make?

Black cloths. Everything else is too overstimulating.

Very formal and rigid way of speaking and behaving, almost like a dark lord in 1894.

"I've recently started this hobby... wait, this was a decade ago?"