It Gets So Old Watching People Have And Get The Things You So Badly Want. I Just Sit There Hoping One

I hate the days where everyone and everything makes me mad or annoyed because I don't wanna be that angry person but I literally can't fucking control it then I take it out on the people I care about and they don't deserve that

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

time is going too fast and I can’t keep up. the month seems to go by in a blink but the days are long. one day you wake up and realize a full month has passed, and you have nothing. you don’t have many memories, you don’t have the potential to do anything, and you don’t have many reasons to be here anymore.

why am i always the person who needs to apologize. no one considers my emotions, it doesn’t matter what someone has done to me. once i make them upset, then i’m in the wrong and i’m a terrible person.

no but you know what would be nice? experiencing the kind of happiness that doesn’t turn out to be a lesson that I have to mourn over for at least 3 months

I just want affection. I'm sorry I'm such an inconvenience but is that really so much to ask for?