Littlecigs - Out Of Body

High off the way you speak

Submerging me

Can't think, think, think

It's only you

breathless

getting that feeling

where all you can do is hold your breath

and think

and feel

and it’s horrible because you forget

you always forget

and you can only remember

once you feel the burn in your lungs

in your throat

and you release a breath

far larger than any you’d released that day

and it scares you

and it happens again

Man y'all must really like crazy girls I hope you know you'll be tired of me the second I get mad for the first time

But also please pay attention to me

And I missed out on so much of my life because I was living in a constant state of anxiety. And if it wasn't anxiety then it was depression. And if it wasn't depression then it was mania. And I literally can't remember being a child. I can't remember being a person. My whole life looks like this inescapable grey haze and I'm stuck in it. Buried in it. I don't want to fall asleep crying anymore. I don't want nightmare after nightmare. I want to feel safe and comfortable and happy and I am literally incapable of it. And that is so fucking terrifying.

My knife is too dull

"But why do you let your disability stop you?" Because that's.... what disabilities... do. That's... literally the basic definition... of being disabled... A disability impairs your ability to function. That's what the term means. That's the main thing

I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it I'm not worth it all I want is to be seen all I want is to be loved I'm sorry I'm not worth it I'll be better I'll be good I just want someone next to me I want something real I'm so desperate for something real but I'm not what anyone wants I know that I've seen that I'm not what anyone wants

“you’re so mature for your age” thanks I was not allowed to show any vulnerability as a child