Littlecigs - Out Of Body

i feel like i do 25% of what an average person does in a day and still it's too much

google search how to cough up the ball of grief that's been stuck in your stomach since birth

Having bpd really is like playing life on the hardest difficulty it has to offer. When you're upset, it's like grief. When you're mad, it's like fighting back the rage of a warrior. When you're numb, it's absolutely debilitatingly so, and when you're dissociated, it's like nothing on this planet, including yourself, exists or is even real anymore. It's a constant battle of fighting against your own body's extremely out of control instincts. It's not supposed to be this hard to simply interact with other human beings and yourself, is it?

Please please eat me alive turn my body into something sacred I don't want to be here anymore everything is so tiring and I get no reprieve from the monotony and the pain and oh this pain is too much for such a little body I'm desperate please I'm tired I'm scared I don't want to be here anymore

"what did you do with all that anger?"

"i ate it raw, like I was a starving child and it was the only thing that could sustain me."

I don't think I've ever met someone who feels the kind of bone deep soulless depression I've felt for most of my life. I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm just saying part of me wishes there were someone I could talk to who actually understands how I'm feeling.

But that's selfish of me, right?

I wouldn't wish this on anyone