Parent-child Dynamics Are Soooo Crazy. I Love You I Resent You I Can't Stand You I Adore You I Pity You.

I dreamt of you last night

It was still Christmas

And I was a fairy

But that's not important

I went shopping with friends I don't have

And had fun

Then I ran into you

And got angry

We had a fight

But you kept following me

And I woke up

So viscerally uncomfortable

I had the urge to scream

I really wish it was socially acceptable to say “I really don’t care” and people would just say oh ok and move onto the next topic in conversation, no hard feelings

Having bpd really is like playing life on the hardest difficulty it has to offer. When you're upset, it's like grief. When you're mad, it's like fighting back the rage of a warrior. When you're numb, it's absolutely debilitatingly so, and when you're dissociated, it's like nothing on this planet, including yourself, exists or is even real anymore. It's a constant battle of fighting against your own body's extremely out of control instincts. It's not supposed to be this hard to simply interact with other human beings and yourself, is it?

"what did you do with all that anger?"

"i ate it raw, like I was a starving child and it was the only thing that could sustain me."

unfortunately i have whatever the opposite of charisma is