PSA To New Tumblr Users

I’m a damn clown

“Babel” by Cildo Meireles (2001)

Oh my god I adore it yes

Playing HL2 episode 1 and Alyx and I made an impromptu detour via a hospital. Judging by the wonderful use of colour theory, I’d say this is the children’s ward.

Fancy Suit Among The Woes

Disclaimer: I am not Spanish. Feel free to let me know if anything is incorrect or phrases are used wrong. Also I'm doing this on mobile so forgive the appearance haha.

Sofía had spent her morning much more calmly than any of her others. Work wouldn't be starting as early for her today, something about her overtime needing to be cut down temporarily. Despite this, she still wore her uniform, kept her hair tied, and applied her makeup before even considering to take a seat and a sip of her coffee. "Another long day ahead..." she found herself thinking, "And yet... no amount of hours will ever be enough, will they?"

To a degree, that's how it always seemed. Working miserable hours all day every day for a decade had given her nothing more than headache after headache and just enough for them to live comfortably. She let out a sigh, it was too much to mull over... Nothing good came from thinking too much about the negative, but positive thoughts always seemed just out of reach for her these days...

And that was when Joshua came by, fingers fidgeting against one another and his expression displaying a slight anxiety.

"Ah, morning, mijo..." She brushed a stray hair behind her ear, mouth pressed into a small smile. "Didn't think you'd be up so early, you don't have school today."

Her son lowered his head, thinking over his words carefully. "... M-mom, I... I was, uh... You aren't b-busy, are you?"

He seemed... troubled by something. Sofía raised a brow. "No, niño. Are you well? You look tired and sick..." She placed a gentle hand on his forehead, only for him to brush it away.

"I'm fine, I'm f-fine, just... I... I n-need to tell you, uh... a l-little something... but you have to p-promise me, you... you w-won't be w-worried, okay?"

And now was the time to worry. But, as a mother, Sofía has mastered the art of keeping a calm appearance in the face of any peril. Of course, knowing Joshua, it wouldn't be anything too serious. He was never the type to get into trouble.

God, how she wished that were still the case.

"I promise. You can tell mamá anything, cariño."

And here marked the moment where Sofía experienced something every mother fears: helplessness. For no other word held a candle to what she felt as her son went on about his activities for the past few months. News about her long-missing husband, paranoia over somebody spying on him, fears and desperation surrounding what one could only describe as Pandora's box, all of it came forth at once from the tired boy's lips. She followed the whole tale as closely as she could, maintaining her calm façade to not discourage him.

By the end of it all, all the mother could think to do was hold him close. What else could she do but reassure him? Let him know she was there for him at that moment and he would be safe... Provide him with some knowledge that everything would be alright.

And yet, here she was hours later, performing her tasks as fears crept along the dark corners of her mind. "Gordon... what infierno have you fallen into?" She pondered, jotting down numbers and dates from a conversation she half-listened to. It hadn't been enough that her son simply told her, she had to see the device for herself. A tangle of complicated wires and a computer that he refused to shut off, for fear it would never turn back on. And then, there were the chat logs...

The woman pinched the bridge of her nose, removing her glasses. What was she going to do? What could she possibly do? Her son was going through Hell itself to find Gordon, and she could do nothing else but work. What kind of a mother was she?

"What kind indeed, miss Rivera."

Sofía felt an odd chill fill the room around her, the air growing frigid. Confused, she placed her glasses back on and gazed up, where a man stood right before her desk. He was dressed sharply, as everyone else was in the office, skin pale as a sheet, black hair peppered with white, and he held a briefcase of some kind. However, something seemed... unnatural about him, as if his features were juuust unnerving enough to make her uncomfortable.

"A long... day, isn't it, miss Rivera?"

"I..." She narrowed her eyes. "Mrs Freeman. I still have his ring, I still hold his name."

"Ah... ha ha... Of course, how... very silly of me." The man chuckled, approaching a tad closer to stare down at her. "I've heard that there was... shall we say, "trouble in paradise"?"

"¿Qué-? What do you want? I am busy!"

"Oh, not at the moment, I... assure you. See, I knew Gordon before his... untimely departure from this realm. He was... an interesting man, shall we say?"

"¡Ay! He still is! Mi hi-... My son showed me, he has proof mi amado is still alive!"

"I... do not doubt that. However, it is... important to note that retrieving him at this point is... around impossible."

"... Qu-... What do you mean? Who are you?"

"An... old acquaintance of his, miss... Mrs Freeman. I do have some rather... good news, however."

Sofía tilted her head slightly, staring at the man intently as he went on.

"I can provide you with... shall we say, a different employment? One where answers surrounding your husband will be... more accessible for you to find."

The woman's eyes widened, taking a quick glance at the rest of her co-workers, who seemed to be completely frozen in place. "...¡El diablo...!" She muttered in shock. "You come to me... offering me a deal? What do you want from me?"

Another chuckle escaped the man. "I simply wish to help. Provide you with closure and... solace. Allow you to help your brave son. Or, of course... you could always stay here and... fret over the unknown."

She sat up in her seat, thinking over his words carefully. A new job? What kind of job would bring her closer to the truth? Who was this man? How did he know her husband? Her son? How does he know her?

... What is he leaving out of this bargain? There had to be some kind of catch, but...

Even with all that plaguing her mind, the woman still found herself holding out a trembling hand to shake. "Si... I... accept."

The man grinned, placing his freezing hand into hers. "I knew you'd make... the right choice, Mrs Freeman." Her pulled her up to stand, the desk and their surroundings melting away like candlewax. "Now, I'll be the one to inform your... employers that you've found elsewhere to work."

"A-ay, where...?"

"And, while I am at it, I'll make sure to... provide you with your first task. I know you'll do just fine, Mrs Freeman."

Something Lacking

Joshua held his legs as he sat on the grass, silently watching the newly-recovered crow peck at a bowl of raspberries and blueberries. He'd figured it was only fair, giving it something to help it get back on its feet. It was his window the poor thing flew into after all.

"... You know, someone in my class, he used to get a lotta crows at his place..." He spoke softly to the bird, as though it could understand or respond. "I always thought he was pretty lucky, getting all those birds there. I figured they must really like it there, to fly over every day and eat whatever they could find... Must've been a paradise for them..."

The corvid bit back a few more berries, cawing before it went back for more. Joshua sighed, staring up at the cloudy sky. It still felt like it was getting colder, day by day, despite how weather usually was in New Mexico. Even during the winter months, he stood by the fact that it was never this cold before.

"... Anyways, I guess his dad kinda got fed up with them for ruining his lawn or whatever. He set up a bunch of things so they'd fuck off, but... well, they ended up being the neighbors' problem since it was closest to the other house. Neighbors complained to the dad, dad complained back to them. Like, what a big mess for a couple'a birds, am I right?"

The crow stared at him for a few moments, only to caw and flap its wings. Joshie gave a ghost of a smile. "Feeling better? Good enough to fly off yet, lil guy? Heh..." He wouldn't say he was still feeling stressed exactly, not entirely at least, but there was a large part of him that felt... anxious about heading back into his room. About going through more and more messages. About looking through more and more files. About... about finding out things no one should ever know. The words one of the messages spoke seemed to ring through his head endlessly. "Maybe they just stopped existing."

Despite the absurdity of it all, the thought itself sent chills up his spine. Whatever might've happened in that sector all those years ago... was he really ready to see through it all to the end?

Was he really ready for whatever consequences finding the truth might have?

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. He was too far in now to give up, wasn't he? If he was going to be watched, tormented, threatened, he might as well make the most of it. Can't be too sure any of it would go back to normal if he suddenly stopped, can he? At least continuing on didn't make all the crap he was going through completely meaningless, right?

"... A lot of problems would be so much easier if I were like you. Could just fly away, maybe to wherever dad is. I'd actually be doing something worthwhile..." The crow stepped over to him as he spoke, eyeing him and letting out a few calls.

Evidently, it was still hungry.

Josh sighed. "I don't have anymore, sorry." The avian bobbed its head a few times, calling out louder and louder, before suddenly running off and taking flight.

"... Hm." He watched it for a bit, pushing himself up to head back inside when it was out of sight.

Josh shut the door of the garage behind him, cringing slightly at how loud it was. After finding the bird dazed and thankfully uninjured, he'd decided it'd need food and energy of some kind to make up for the stress it must've been going through. Seeing as the garage was closer to the kitchen than the front door was, it made sense to him at the time to go through here, even though opening the door to the damn thing probably took the same amount of time it would've taken him just to run through the front and to the kitchen anyways. Would've saved him from having to hear it again, that's for damn sure.

With that done, he turned to head towards the inner door, and that's when he spotted it. On the bottom shelf, nearest to the door, was a metal box, shut tight with a sturdy-looking lock. That... wasn't there before, was it? He's almost positive he would've noticed it before among the rest of the items, it wasn't like this place was used by anyone these days. It didn't even seem to have any dust on it...

Cautiously, Josh reached out and took it. It wasn't particularly heavy, whatever was in it didn't seem to move much when he tilted it. He wasn't exactly dumb enough to try shaking it, whatever's in there could be fragile after all.

"What the hell..." He muttered, looking around the shelves and drawers for a key. Of course, he came up empty. Whatever keys there were in here were old and much less sleek in design than the box itself was. Still, he made sure to try, just in case. Yet, no matter which one he tried, not a single one would fit.

Josh groaned in annoyance, slamming the box back onto the shelf. Another pointless loose end to add to his ever-growing list. Just another pointless item to piss him off when he's already stressed.

However, his anger quickly vanished as he froze, having heard something past the door. It was soft, faint, but repetitive. Footsteps, he realised, and they were getting louder.

The boy's eyes grew wide as he took a quick glance around the room, desperate and trembling as he searched for somewhere to hide. Finally, his eyes settled on a large wooden board propped up against the wall, just the right angle for him to hide behind and still check on whoever entered, hopefully without being seen. As quickly and as quietly as he could, he hid within, figuring he'd take a peek once he was sure they weren't looking.

The door slammed open not even a moment later, causing Josh to silently cower.

He heard them stomp in, rummaging through a toolbox as loudly as they could. Next, they made their way to the center of the room before stopping, perhaps weighing their options. Then, after what felt like an eternity, they spoke.

"... Come on out, fucker! I know you're in here! If you come out now, I'll letcha keep your kneecaps!"

And it was at this moment that Joshua's fears bubbled away into annoyance. You're kidding, he thought, You've gotta be fucking kidding me. It was the absolute furthest possibility from his mind, but his ears couldn't have deceived him. Just to be certain, he took a look.

And there, wielding a large wrench from one of the toolboxes, was Allen. It was nobody but Allen.

"Jesus fucking christ!" The smaller boy exclaimed, exiting his hiding spot. Allen whipped his body towards him as soon as he spoke, the menacing face he wore fading into a jovial smile once he recognized him. "You damn near gave me a heart attack! What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I heard the fuckin, the garage door, loud as shit! I thought somebody broke in!" Allen chuckled. "The fuck you doin' in here?"

"Hiding!" He retorted, "I thought you were-! Wait, why are you in my house?!"

Allen shrugged slightly. "Well, you weren't picking up your phone or answering my texts so I came over to check on you. One of the windows was open so I kindaaa... maybe came in through it?"

Josh gave an incredulous stare. "... You saw I wasn't picking up so you just... broke in?"

"Hey hey hey! It's not breaking in if the window's open, got it? Besides, I made sure to lock it once I was in." The taller boy corrected, the wrench still tightly gripped in his right hand.

"How long have you been in my house for? Were you jus-"

"Look look, you can ask me this later, alright? I came here for two reasons. First was to make sure you weren't, y'know, dead or something. Second was, uh... to ask you something."

He couldn't believe it. His heart was still hammering in his chest, his body still trembling just from this light scare, and what for? Just a question? Just to check in?

But then he noticed. On Allen's back was his schoolbag, seeming full to the brim and holding on with a single strap. His knuckles were scraped, his jeans a mess of dirt and small tears. Al ran a hand through his messy hair, tugging at a few of his crimson streaks, seemingly unconcerned.

"... Man, heh, this is like, wicked embarrassing." The taller teen chuckled, glancing away from Josh. "Could I... y'know, crash at your place for a bit? Not-mom 'n pops are being pretty... eh, unrad right now, so I don't exactly wanna head back while they're still mad, ya feel?"

He didn't know what to respond at first. Sure, this wouldn't be the first time Allen slept at his place, but the circumstances this time, they... They were unfamiliar to him. But, regardless of all that, he found himself fretting over what might happen if he refused. Where Allen might head instead and how he'd feel... He came to Josh first, most likely, and he wasn't close enough with their other friends to ask them for something like this.

Ultimately, it was probably no surprise that, with a gentle smile to his best friend, he said yes.

"Of course, I... I getcha. I'll have to check back in with mom when she returns, but you can stay here until then, alright?"

Allen gave a big smile, his eyes seeming to light up at the confirmation. He pulled Josh into a tight hug, surprising him with the sudden affection. "Thanks. I'll owe it to ya later." Then he pulled away with a playful laugh. "Anyways, let's get the hell outta the garage. Gotta bed to set up, don't we?"

It seemed too sudden, making light of the whole thing as if it were nothing more than a sleepover, but that tended to be how many interactions with Allen went. All Josh could do in response was smile slightly and nod.

"Yeah, you'll have to put that away though. Don't need any rust in my room." He referred to the wrench of course. Al glanced down at it and rolled his eyes.

"Nyeh nyeh, whatever, neerrrd!" He plopped it back into the toolbox with a clang. With that done, he sped over to the door. "Race ya to your room, NERD!"

"Hey! No fair!" Josh called back, chasing after him with a soft laugh.

The locked box on the shelf was already nothing more than a distant memory as he ran.

OOOH ASKS ARE OPEN ummmmm what are crystal's feelings towards marie?

oOOF-

Pfft okay let me start by saying you picked maybe the most complicated question for me to answer hehe but I shall try my best!

Alright, so, for starters, the last time Crystal saw Marie was when they were both 17, with them now both being 26. The end of their relationship... wasn't exactly a great one, Crystal cut ties thinking negatively of Marie and vice versa.

Now, with Crystal able to look back on things through an adult lense, she can see that things aren't exactly as black and white as she once thought them to be, that there are many more layers to somebody than just "Nice" and "Mean", "Good" or "Evil". Even though Marie was no longer a part of her life, she couldn't say she didn't still think about her, wonder how she was doing, hope she was doing better after all the years that passed. Even despite everything, she couldn't bring herself to hate Marie.

Once she does find out that Marie is working at the same hospital she is now a patient in, Crystal will wish to extend an olive branch, to talk, to start from the beginning with Marie and try to make things better between them both. They aren't kids anymore, what mattered back then shouldn't have to matter now, and even if it's impossible to truly go back to how things once were, she still wants to try and be her friend. Kindness is stronger than holding a nearly decade-old resentment, that's what she feels anyways.

Marie's working in the medical field now, that must mean she holds at least some desire and wish to help people get better. That means it shouldn't be too hard to get her to understand, right?... Right?

Thanks a bunch for the ask! Hopefully this answers it pretty well!

🎉🎆🎇HAPPY NEW YEAAAARRR!!!!🎇🎆🎉

Happy Year of New!!!! The Earth has made its way around the sun and here we all are!!! Let me just say how proud I am of us all, getting here wasn't the easiest task for many of us. But we made it. We got to see the dawn rise on a new year, filled with new opportunities and new chances to live our best lives.

"But Lola, what is my best life?" You may ask. And to that I say "Doing anything that makes you happy, regardless of what others think." It doesn't have to be a big thing or anything flashy or even something you can see now, but whatever lays on the horizon will be something that you can enjoy, and nobody can ever take that joy away from you.

Chin up, everyone. We're gonna make it through this year too. You've all got this, no matter what. And I am so proud of us all.