Y’know When Your Chronic Illness Decides To Be Chronic And An Illness? Yeah That’s Actually Bullying

if you didn’t realize, ableism is actually bigotry and systemic ableism and inaccessibility are really oppression and it’s not something disabled people brought on ourselves by having bodies&minds that you think are inferior and therefore not worth fighting for. disabled people’s lives and wellbeing matter. we don’t have to earn our worthiness by doing “enough” to deserve a good life. nobody does.

This has the potential to become the most funny bit in season 8b

Maddie was so real when she asked Buck “Is it circled with a heart around it?” about Eddie’s calendar and him freaking out and complaining about Eddie hanging out with someone else that isn’t him and then later when he invites Chimney to the basketball game and Chimney realizes why and he tells Buck “So I’m your basketball beard. I feel so bonded.” like poor Madney suffering because Buck can’t seem to put two and two together now

what they don't tell you about making friends is you gotta be a lil annoying. you gotta push past the fear of "what if they don't want to talk to me" and simply ask someone how their day is going, send a meme. you cannot connect to people if you're both just awkwardly waiting for the other to start.

Here's an updated version of my pinned post 😊

An introduction by yours truly, Ash

Attempt 3000 of having a Tumblr I like.

I'm Ash, I am a 20 year old with the time zone UTC+1. Triple A battery twice (Aroace agender, AuDHD and anxiety). Some other shits might be going on with me, but I'm not sure nor am I diagnosed with other stuff. Auto-diag is valid by the way, i don't like the medical highstance most people seem to have, there's enough information to auto-diagonise yourself with some stuff, you are the only expert on your own life.

Some people need to chill

I have two side blogs : @lonebabyone (agere), @onesburyinghole (vent)

DMs open and asks too, for anything.

This blog is primarily to have a space to express myself on subjects i like. More details under the cut.

I will tell you one time if i see you don't respect my boundaries, you will be blocked.

I enjoy most humanitarians subjects, like psychology, sociology, history, philosophy, politics (because for anarchy i need to know about it urgh). I'm anticapitalist, i do enjoy some stuff produced by it tho (i mean look in which platform i am), antigovernment (authorities and stuff). I am for communities and for helping thy neighnoor, at least i'm trying. I'm just a human trying to make life in this world and help others when i can. I'm also chronically online and ill so take that as you will.

Anyways, I also love some stuff and here some of them if you want to know:

Witch Hat Atelier

Epic the musical

I don't want to be a magical girl

Formula 1

Gravity falls

Amphibia

The owl House

Hazbin hotel

Helluva boss

Marvel (Spiderman and adjacents)

DC (Batfam and Flash)

Teen Wolf

Call of Duty

Five Nights at Freddy's

Ao3

Arcane

Fandoms in general

Percy Jackson

Hunger Games

Arcane

How to train your dragon

9-1-1

Police shows (because of the investigation bit, not the police, hate that)

Winx

Monster High

Miraculous

Winnie the Pooh

The Music Freaks

Barbie (the movies)

...

This list is inconclusive and doesn't really have an order.

Buck, coming into the firehouse: I need everyone to be clear, I am not in love with Eddie, he is straight

Ravi: If you are actually seriously trying to tell me, you are not in love with Eddie, after I spent hours listening to you talk about him last night, I am going to strangle you

I’ve realized how little I care about the whole “transid” thing because I’ll go to their blog and it’s just spamming how white people can identify as black for fun and it’s like bro you can’t get mad at a clown for exhibiting clown behavior, it’s gonna happen, it’s not worth the energy, just focus on helping other disabled people and block people who intentionally try to start shit.

ridi, pagliaccio.

*looks at books* too tired for you *looks at films* too tired for you *looks at art supplies* too tired for you *eyes fall on tumblr* oho ho

Love it ^^

my forever girl 💜🌙

zira from @kianamaiart’s i don’t want to be a magical girl!

bonus:

I've been reblogging a fair number of disability related posts in recent (when I actually come online). I'd like to take a moment talk a bit about my condition and frustrations around it. (TW near the end: pet death)

I have fibromyalgia, diagnosed by my rheumatologist after our investigation into my Sjogren's antibodies being six times higher than normal came up with no response to medication designed for it. I'm looking to take the test for fibro to confirm it for my disability case and am aware it only can identify one type, so here's hoping I lucked into at least being able to show medical evidence if my joints being fucked up little pain factories.

I've been seeking disability insurance since 2022 and have reached a remand back to the hearing level from the appeals council. I wasn't expecting it, since the judge pretty much twisted my testimony a bunch, my lawyers abandoned me, and I couldn't manage to interact with social security to get access to my C-file due to my condition--neither being able to get through the misophonia triggering ear pierce of the 120+ minute hold music nor mustering the motivation for getting down to the physical location to wait for hours upon hours in hostile seating and overstimulating environment.

It's been 2+ years since my initial application and I've unemployed for 99% of that. That 1% being a grand total of 10 hours at a major grocery chain in what can only be considered a misguided attempt to cope with no income, which resulted in my entire body shutting down with an explosive flare.

Now, my spouse, bless her, has been able to support me through this whole process. Emotionally and physically. I have a lot of gratitude for her. Unfortunately, with rising costs, being a single income home means we've been eating into our savings. More than half of it.

A kind friend was able to get me a job building ikea grade display furniture for a different major grocery chain. It's less than 15 hours a week and at the pay rate I take about 1000 gross per month. The thing is, while it isn't as intense as the other grocery work, it still causes flare ups, including full body migraines which take me out for a day or so.

I was about to get a new lawyer to help with my remand, until they learned I got this gig. Now, I'd been told by my previous lawyers that to qualify for disability (by legal definitions in the US), you can only work part time and make less than a certain amount each month--about 1600 this year. These new lawyers enlightened me that, while true, any amount you make that nears that limit makes your case harder since the judge gives you the side eye.

So here I am, tearing up my body because we can't afford for me to not do so, and it turns out my hope to get income that doesn't require me to tear up my body is at risk because I'm desperate for income. The government really does hope chronically-ill people either die or get starved out of the application process.

The hardest part is that if I don't keep this application alive, I won't be able to apply again, because (say it with me) I've been too disabled to work enough hours to meet the work credits within the past 10 years from the jump of a new application.

But I'm tired. I'm tired every day. I'm too tired to fully engage with things that bring me joy. I'm tired of thinking about how best to convey to an uncaring system how my conditions affect the quality of my life. I'm tired of searching for the perfect combinations of chemistry that can settle my anxiety, audhd, depression, hypomania, muscle and joint pain. I'm tired of brain fog attacking my ability to engage with topics that matter to me. I'm tired of hiding my pain from my family of origin, because I don't want to listen to their ableism. I'm tired dealing with the self loathing. I'm tired of being me.

I've all about given up hope that I'll get at least this one thing to reduce the pain. And that's what the government hopes will happen. Because they'd rather spend more money in an effort to deny than it would cost to just provide the benefit. Nothing is going to change my condition, whether I get disability or not. The truth is I have chronic conditions that will haunt me for the rest of my life, barring a miracle of science.

But the government isn't concerned with the truth, the law is just an arbitrary metric that says you can't be able to lick envelopes or crouch or lift a certain poundage. It's unconcerned whether there actually exists a job that us exclusively licking envelops that has the hours and pay to amount to a living wage. It's unconcerned with how fucked up you feel after bending down or lifting once or twice. All it cares about is finding that one thing that lets them say 'sorry, thanks for playing.' Even if that thing is is twisting around your testimony.

"Well, he plays video games. Well, he has cats." They honestly will purport that disabled people can't have any modicum of joy in their life, have anything to distract from the horrors. They're looking for anything like that to the point that a judge will hear that conditioned ruined my relationship with my dogs that I had before the conditions reached full blown disability, only to turn around and say "well, he is currently raising dogs." My rescues died from cancer 6 months apart in 2017, prick! What the fuck.

I don't know how to end this rant, so I'll just close with I know there is a lot going on in the world right now and I wish I had more energy to put toward taking a stand. There are people I love who need protection and care and support, but I don't have the resources to provide those things. I can't even provide them for myself. We need reform. We need revolution.