Hello!! I Was Curious, If You’re Willing To Share: How Did You Become A Christian, Or Why Do You Believe

Hello!! I was curious, if you’re willing to share: how did you become a Christian, or why do you believe in God? I know it’s a super deep topic, and I understand if you don’t want to answer. I’m personally trying to figure out what I believe in, and I don’t see a lot of Christians on tumblr. So I was curious! Thank you :)

I’m actually glad this was sent in. It gives me a chance to share why in the first place I came to God and why I love him.

I’m gonna start from the beginning if that’s alright? This may or may not be lengthy. So please bear with me, dear Anon. (Edit- IT IS- IM SORRY BUT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN WHY- I hope you’re able to at least pick at it over the day if you don’t read it in one go so it doesn’t seem like so much. :,) ))

I was a kid when I was first introduced to God. Now some people have an introduction to him at some point in their lives, whether they grew up with going to church or with their parents or grandparents- maybe friends or other family members. For me, I didn’t personally have a relationship with God or go to church as a kid. I didn’t really KNOW Jesus or God. Just kinda knew the basics is that GOD is God and created the whole universe and I guess some of the well known teachings of like “Don’t kill, don’t steal, etc.” in the Bible, right? I was below the age of 10. As far as I can remember.-

I recall one day I was playing hide and seek in the living room with my brother. Funnily enough there was actually a program on tv talking about Jesus (was a cartoon if I remember right.) but I wasn’t watching or paying attention to it. It was just playing in the background basically while I hid behind the couch while my brother was looking for me, I was curled up and covering my mouth trying to stop my giggles. Then all of a sudden, I’m being completely honest as crazy as it sounds.- There was a sudden silence- like everything was muffled. You know the best way I can possibly describe it? Think of how you go underwater and you can probably hear muffled talking or chirping or noises outside of it, but not entirely. That’s what it was like. It was like it incased me and I remember hearing loud(not yelling.) and clear,

“*IRL name*, Be good.” And then just a few seconds later that muffled noise vanished. As a kid I didn’t know who told me that, who it was- matter of fact I didn’t think much about it. It wasn’t until I was OLDER that I figured out it was actually Jesus talking to me. Mind you, I was a kid who barely knew anything about him. I certainly wasn’t reading a bible at that age when it happened nor did I pray, or attend church. Yet he still called out to me- even though he knew ME, I still had yet to even know who HE was. That was my first time really experiencing God without even realizing it was him.

I was also a kid who ended up having problems. Mental issues mainly- even today I still struggle a bit- I have a bad habit of overthinking to the point where it’s led me to multiple mental breakdowns through my teen years till being a young adult now (18) but as of recently turning 19 things have definitely gotten better BY FAR. And these issues started all the way back since first grade. But stating this is important as it’s gonna tie in to what I’m gonna get into next.

Since these mental issues started when I was young- blaming myself for things that no one blamed me for, picking on myself for no good reason. I would cry myself to sleep without anyone knowing for years- although it was apparent to my mom as time went on how my smile and me, myself- weren’t the same. The thoughts I dealt with when I was younger would ‘evolve’ into different things. What I thought and struggled with back then, once it wasn’t an issue anymore and I overcame it, then a new thought would come up and take its place, starting that cycle all over again and making me cry myself to sleep and continue that self-deprecation and suicidal thoughts of obviously, thinking I’d be better off dead. Now I never committed self harm until I was 11-12. I was in an online relationship I shouldn’t have been in and both me and that person weren’t ok- and it just ended up being a mess that caused me to head into depression and what made me start cutting in the first place. (I’d like to state I do NOT blame this person at all anymore- even though younger me did years ago. But God healed me of the hate in my heart towards them- All of it’s in the past and we were both young and again…just not ok.)

There came a day when I was 12-13 and my mom saw the scars and fresh cuts on my wrist that I didn’t think of hiding. I was handing her a paper when she saw them and grabbed ahold of my wrists. She started to question me and crying- not understanding why I did what I did. I don’t exactly remember what I told her- but I do remember what she told me- and this is very important for what I’m gonna point on further down the line and what also saved my life. She said “Promise me right now, you’ll never cut yourself again or try to kill yourself.” And she told me to promise or swear to God that I’d never do it again. So I did swear/promise to God I wouldn’t.

I was trying to be ‘sneaky’ and cut where she wouldn’t see. My thighs. But that only lasted less than a week before I stopped completely after we had that conversation (about promising not to do that stuff anymore) But I was still depressed- hurting and aching. I just wasn’t ok.

I was also a homeschooled kid. Been since I finished second grade-

(we didn’t have a car) and just 2-3 years ago (maybe even longer) we had finally gotten a car for a year or less and after finally getting one, it literally went out on us for no reason/out of the blue some months later. Point is- I was also a home hermit. Rarely left the house and was usually cooped up in my room most days- if not that then maybe I was at my grandmas/cousins (they lived on the same property 5 minutes give or take from where we lived.) but all I knew was close family. Had no IRL friends but some online ones- but obviously they come and go. Never really a lasting connection to say the least. So this lead to me having really bad socially anxiety growing up, along with not interacting with people outside of immediate family basically. I had social anxiety till I was 16.

Now, I never prayed for it to go away (and by this point I did have a relationship with God.) but I knew my mom did after she confessed to me how she would pray on my behalf and ask God to take away my social anxiety- she was scared because she was wondering how I was gonna make it out there in the world and get a job or take care of myself as I was getting older and it was just that bad. Anyway, one day she pulls over to Walgreens and asked me to get down and get a couple items for her. So I steeled myself and mentally prepared myself saying it was going to be ok, stop worrying so much, and just generally calming myself down and reminding myself it was again, going to be ok.

I got down off the car and grabbed a cart, walking in and going down an aisle. I walked past a woman and suddenly, it hit me. I feel normal. There’s no anxiety or fear- no panic- I feel…fine. Peaceful. There was no feeling of it anymore at ALL. I literally thought “So this it’s what it’s like to be normal?” Because it really sunk in. God right then and there that day when I was 16, and had gotten down at Walgreens, took away my social anxiety. And I’ve never had it again. I give God all the Praise and glory. That WAS him- because socially anxiety doesn’t just magically disappear like that and it was an answered prayer for my ma.

And one day- when I was 16-17 another thing happened. I would almost ALWAYS cry when I looked in the mirror when I went into the bathroom. Staring at myself and feeling grossed out and hating myself for years. I thought I was so ugly…and unlovable as well. I just hated me. And that was for a long time- I hated even taking pictures and would always put up a hand, turn away or cover my face. But God again, one day, when I walked into the bathroom (this wasn’t something I prayed for either- and I’m not sure my ma knew about this but I don’t think she did.) I looked in the mirror and I didn’t cry. I looked and I loved who I saw. I thought she was beautiful. She was pretty. She wasn’t ugly or gross. No, she was just fine. And I’ve never been upset with myself like that ever since. I don’t HATE myself anymore- God removed the self-hatred in my heart towards myself and now I love myself. In a non-egotistical way of course. Nothing like “I’m all that”/ “I’m better than you/Better looking/etc-“ no, no- not like that at all. I just didn’t hate the way I looked or who I was. I loved me! And I’m so happy with my features. Just wished I took better care of my skin, lol. So thank Jesus for that. He also showed me I am valuable and loved- through his word as I continued to get closer to him and realizing it, along with how he took care of me in these ways. Not to say my family didn’t love me or anything- but I always questioned it or doubted it in ways because my head was just not ok. But Jesus broke through to me to show me his love and that I am loved.

And the times I went through a lot of mental distress unknowingly to my family members, and even knowingly, Jesus was the one who helped me. Praying to him, and he answered. (Along with getting into the word and seeking what/remembering what he said) He gave me a peace, a hope and joy nothing and no one else could or can. And that’s not a temporary thing, that’s an ALWAYS and FOREVER thing. He was the one who stuck with me through thick and thin on those dark nights, getting me through those hard, hard bad days. Because they were NOT easy to handle or deal with. He took away my depression, giving me hope in my future as the Bible quite literally says:

Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

And so God did. He really, really genuinely did for me. And here goes that thing I was mentioning earlier about that promise I made him and my ma.

When I was around 17 give or take, I had a particular bad mental battle going on. And in the end, I genuinely gave up because I thought I had let God go. (Like renouncing him or something) and I always mentally told God I didn’t mean those thoughts and would repent and apologize. But that day, I thought I said something unforgivably to God and had just had enough and wanted to end it all. I mean, how could I say something so awful and horrible to him when he did all that he did for me? Gotten me through so much? And it was just a final string of giving up and it just snapped. I was done. So after deciding that on a car ride home after getting ice cream with my family from checkers, I was quiet the whole ride home and went straight to my room. It felt like everything was just done for me. That this was it. So after a bit I think I was called downstairs or had to use the bathroom and went down, and when I tell you I felt like there was a nasty storm in my head and it was such a strong feeling. I was just saying how I was going to end myself, that tonight was the night and I didn’t care what the consequences were or how anyone would care in the end. I just wanted to GO. Final. But the suddenly, as crazy as it sounds, it felt like a division in my head. Like someone put up a wall straight down the middle in my head. The best way I think I can describe it is like crashing waves against a clear wall. It’s muffled but also still loud enough to hear those ‘thuds’. Just like those thoughts that were raging going on about how I was going to kill Myself-(it was genuine. I really was. Even while I was depressed it had never gotten like that once.) and then Suddenly you have that one side of my head that was empty. QUIET. And I know it was the Holy Spirit giving me the chance to wait. And really think about what I was doing. And on that clear side of my head I had time to think. And then I was suddenly reminded of the promise I made to God years ago about not cutting or killing myself. As soon as I had remembered that, it’s like the thoughts just died down, and they were vanished almost instantly. The urge to kill myself was gone and everything just felt ok again. God knew what was going to happen and stopped it. Death was not for me that day- or suicide. It’s not from God nor would God want that for anyone at all. I don’t what this to come off like “I’m special.” Because no, I’m not. I’m a nobody, that knows a somebody (Jesus) and he helped me in my time of need. As he does to all those that reach out to him.

God also healed me of a huge kidney stone. Doctors said I had to have surgery most likely (I was in so much pain it wasn’t even funny until they gave me pain killers😭-) but just wanted to see if I’d somehow pass it at home. If I couldn’t, then I’d have to come back and get it removed there at the hospital. (Which was the most likely case since even they weren’t sure id he able to-) Point is, while waiting for results (since they weren’t sure what was wrong with me before they figured it out) my ma called my grandma and told her what was going on and they said a prayer over me saying for the kidney stone to go away, that I wouldn’t have to pass it or for it to turn to grains of sand. So I got released sometime later, with the news I mentioned above and they also gave me some cone thing to take home and pee the kidney stone into- and guess what? Next day no pain. Nothing passed. And I wanna say I remember seeing some small pieces of what could be resembled to sand in it- not a lot, just an extremely small amount that I almost didn’t notice. And when I went to get checked because I didn’t pass it, they said it was like I never even had a kidney stone. Gone just like that.

And listen, this is just a few testimonies of MY experiences. This does NOT account for what Jesus has done for my mother and the rest of my family. Because he’s done a LOT. And I’m not exaggerating or making any of this up. From the bottom of my heart, I mean all of this so genuinely and sincerely.

God has saved me, delivered me, healed me, and given me-

Joy like nothing and no one else ever has. Peace, LOVE- goodness, once you KNOW HIS love, nothing can compare with anyone else’s. I’m telling you that so seriously as well. It’s so incomprehensible and so deep and so much, feeling his presence and knowing that love he has for you- you can’t help but fall into tears and sob. In a a good way because this has happened to me and others I know.

He’s saved me from depression, anxiety, social anxiety, given me confidence when I had none- like so much that I’m just- NOT the same person I was before. He’s made me more loving, he’s made me more patient, he’s made me more kind. Whatever piece of those things I had, he MAGNIFIED IT. But it wasn’t a lot with me, all that goodness in me was instilled by him. He taught me and showed me how to love and love right. Not my way, his way. Any goodness I have in me is because of him.

I had anger and hatred. I hated people- all you heard were stories about how awful people were and etc. So it made me hate them. but he actually brought me to LOVE. And LOVE people. He’s healed me emotionally. Gotten me through so much- and he’s shown me he’s known me better than I know myself. And even the Bible clarifies that since it states how he knows all the hairs on our head (paraphrasing-) and how we were fearfully and wonderfully made. He knitted us in our mother’s wombs. So yes, he knows me better than ME. Like dang-

He’s healed me mentally, and physically.

Yes, I still have some problems. But IM A LONG WAY from where and who I used to be. It’s easier to handle those overthinking thoughts- especially when I remember scripture to shut those thoughts up or prayer. And just reminding myself of what he’s done for me or even spoken to me about. He’s always present and he’s always been my help in need. He says he’s our rock- and sure enough, he’s definitely been mine. He says he’s our fortress, our firm foundation, and he has been for me and my family. I have reasons to believe in God. To TRUST him and have fallen in love with him, being in a relationship- not religion- and coming to love him because I’ve learned and spent time with him to know him personally. You can’t beat a relationship with God once you get to personally know him. Once you get a taste of his goodness, you just can’t help but run back and get more. Not using him!- but you realize that he’s just IT. You don’t need something else to fill that empty void in your heart and you come to find out once letting Jesus in and letting him do his thing and take care of you, that HE’S ALL YOU NEED. People look left and right for something, ANYTHING to fill them, and that loneliness or to give them peace, or love, or joy that’s so temporary and even those things once they think they find them do not last…it’s because Jesus is the answer. I’ve tried to go back to old ways and found NONE of them satisfy me or make me feel like they actually bring me a genuine, lasting, permanent joy or peace. You won’t be able to head back to any old ways, or if you do, it’ll be SUCH a big difference on how they make you feel, and how Jesus does. You won’t be able to deny it.

He’s also shown me mercy and grace I never deserved. I did (just as everyone has and I am no exception) have done things I’ve regretted or weren’t good. I am by no means a saint. But I’m just a flawed person trying her best with Jesus by her side. His grace and mercy getting me through daily, along with his love and the forgiveness we receive through him because of what he did on the cross. I’m not a perfect person- I can’t ever be nor anyone that follows Jesus. That’s only when you get to heaven so hiccups and scraping knees (stumbling and falling) are inevitable in your walk with Jesus. But what matters is you get back up, keep trying and moving forward with HIM. Not staying down and walking away. Don’t let anyone lie to you by thinking they’re the perfect Christian or person. We all have bad days and are human.

He’s really good. I just hope that when you read this, and hoping you’ll read it all the way through that just maybe you’ll consider getting to know him personally. He’s worth it, completely. Not trying to force it down your throat though! Jesus wants nothing more than a willing heart, a heart that opens up to him and wants to let him in. Not where you feel forced to.

I believe without a doubt in my heart all that Jesus has done on that cross for me, and you, and everyone else in the world. I believe he was risen 3 days later after he was crucified on the cross and he IS alive and living today. I have too much in my life that points to the fact he IS real, he IS very much present and his like nothing and no one I’ve ever had in my life before or could ever compare to.

He’s a father, a friend, a savior, a comforter and counselor. All he wants is to talk to you, and just wants a relationship with you.