Lostindifference - Why..?

I just realized I’ve spent at least an hour trying to find a tumblr post that conveys how I feel right now or at least encourages my thoughts out of the jumbled up mess they are currently in and it’s like, why can’t I make that post myself? Why can’t I just unravel my thoughts the way I usually do in my journal? Why must I, in a way, torture myself today? Trying to fill I void I already know how to fill and trying to rid myself of a feeling I already am well aware of how to get rid of but I am currently just choosing not to. Like I guess it’s because today was one of those days where it sort of sinks in more than usual just how trapped I feel in my life, but even then I know I don’t have to make it worse. I don’t have to binge eat, I don’t have to force myself to do exercises I very well don’t have the energy for, and I don’t have to starve myself either. There’s other ways to go about my sinking feeling than self destructing.

A reminder that food is morally nuetral.

That unless a food is literally poison or an allergy, it is not a bad food.

Your body needs carbs.

Your body needs fats.

Your body needs calories.

Maybe you struggle with moderation or getting the variety of nutrients you need to feel your best, but that does not make the foods you regularly eat bad.

Put the dressing on your salad. Add the cheese to the sandwhich. Grab a cookie to have with lunch. Add an egg to your instant Ramen. Mix M&Ms and teddy grams and roasted peanuts into your cup of yogurt. Put whipped cream on your coffee. Add frozen strawberries or Boba pearls to your iced tea. Sprinkle tajin onto your fruit cup.

Food must fuel your soul as well as your body. It is doesn't need to be a battleground. It can be a joy.

“I remember an incident from my own childhood, when a very close friend of mine and I, we were walking down the street. We were discussing whether God existed. And she said he did not. And I said he did. But then she said she had proof. She said, ‘I had been praying for two years for blue eyes, and he never gave me any.’ So, I just remember turning around and looking at her. She was very, very Black. And she was very, very, very, very beautiful. How painful. Can you imagine that kind of pain? About that, about color? So, I wanted to say you know, this kind of racism hurts. This is not lynchings, and murders, and drownings. This is interior pain. So deep. For an 11 year-old girl to believe that if she only had some characteristic of the white world, she would be okay. [Black girls] surrendered completely to the master narrative. I mean the whole notion of what is ugliness, what is worthlessness. She got it from her family, she got it from school, she got it from the movies — she got it everywhere; it’s white male life. The master narrative is whatever ideological script that is being imposed by the people in authority on everybody else. The master fiction, history, it has a certain point of view. So, when these little girls see that the most prized gift that they can get at Christmastime is this little white doll, that’s the master narrative speaking: “This is beautiful. This is lovely, and you’re not it.”

Toni Morrison on what inspired her to write her first novel, The Bluest Eye.

HAI IK I WONT GET ANY SOOO...

____ Amount of notes and ill.... (5 notes per person)

5: Clean my room :]

10: Eat 3 meals a day :/

20: Clean my closet TvT (SOBS)

30: Get enough sleep (10 hrs)

50: Let myself take breaks

100: Tell my mom I need a phycologist :] (She said she'll try and find me one :3)

300: Finnally write my story I've been planing

500: Throw away sh blades

workouts & stretches for posture

🤍 5 minute everyday pilates back routine by lidia mera

🤍 8 minute fix for neck hump by yuuka sagwa

🤍 8 minute upper body stretch by mizi

🤍 10 minute fix forward head & neck posture by mizi

🤍 10 minute fix your posture pilates style stretch by eleni fit

🤍 10 minute workout & stretch for round back by pamela reif

🤍 10 minute slim back & better posture by emi wong

🤍 10 minute fix posture & reduce back pain by mady morrison

🤍 20 minute posture correction by akshaya agnes

🤍 25 minute workout for better posture by growingannanas

🤍 25 minute pilates for better posture by move with nicole

🤍 30 minute pilates for upper body & posture by move with nicole

“Sometimes you have to forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve.”

— Unknown

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

You deserve to eat because you exist, that’s all there is to it

Just finished girl interrupted😝

made by me୨୧