Lotusclouding - Lotusclouding

am I finally free

The only good thing about THE TRAUMA THAT ENDING GAVE ME LIKE ARE MY FEELINGS A JOKE TO YOU- *ahem* the only good thing is the fact that at least now I'm personally sure this story won't end in tragedy. Yes, something did happen to Jihyun, but this won't be a repetition of Jaewon's trauma, of Jaewon's powerlessness, because this is a story about healing and I believe it with my whole heart.

Jihyun is not here to make Jaewon sink deeper into the darkness, he's here to bring him light. He's here to help him forgive himself for failing to protect his brother, the one person that meant the world to him, by succeeding in protecting Jihyun, the one person that means the world to him now. Jihyun is here to close the wound in Jaewon's heart that is still bleeding after all this time, after all these years, and help him let go of all that grief, all that sorrow. Jihyun is here to set him free, and that's why he's gonna live. Jihyun is gonna live, and Jaewon will also finally start to.

I wanna cut my hair but what if I enjoy it too much and accidentally come out

Relaxing in a pond 🌸

When I joined Engineering, for the first time, I found myself to be, academically, just an average person. Below average, in fact. With no other talent, academic prowess was my only source of pride - now even that was gone.

Predictably, when my first semester grades came, I rationalized that since the grades were not outstanding, it did not matter if they were decent or absolutely horrible. I call this an ‘all or nothing’ mindset.

As a result, I stopped caring and my grades kept slipping.

And all my sins are catching up when I'm having to apply for an internship or job interview. I'm having constant anxiety.

This all or nothing mindset is pure evil. This is why, when things are not going well, we totally give up instead of fighting to redeem whatever is possible. It is why we wait for the New Year to make resolutions instead of getting started the next day - ‘After all, since this year is imperfect, why bother at all?’

This is why we give up on our dreams when we suffer a setback. This mindset is just an excuse for procrastination.

Life is not a black and white choice between ‘perfect’ and ‘imperfect’; most of life is grayscale. We don’t have to be perfect - we just have to do the best we can, under the circumstances.

Hi mdzs enjoyers if you could reblog/reply with your sibling status (ex: single child, middle child, etc) and fav + least fav mdzs character i would greatly appreciate it. For ~research~

the way that jae won blatantly lies about not remembering details about ji hyun. “what was your name, again? where are you staying?” he knows the answers to his own questions, has no doubt repeated these small but dear details to himself more times than he would admit, but is perhaps of the mind that he shouldn’t. that the simple gesture of remembering may expose him and the nature of his desires. thus, he lies, pretends to be none the wiser to this boy’s name or sleeping arrangements as if the knowledge of both hadn’t plagued his mind for days.

the way that despite this, jae won still sits bedside ji hyun on the bus, allows him to rest his head on his shoulder, kneels in front of him to aid him into his wet suit, brings him a warm bowl of noodles (not to mention meds so that he won’t get ill when the seniors make him drink), shields him from the smoke of the grill… the way jae won is unbearably aware of what he does and doesn’t say to ji hyun, of any and all words he utters to this boy, ones meant to offer an impression of disinterest in him and the detail of his life. but the tenderness of jae won’s treatment of ji hyun utterly betray this guise of apathy, the mask he wears to shield himself and the intensity of his blossoming feelings, seemingly faltering, and for the first time in his life, at that.