Vent Post

Ewan McGregor fans assemble!

I NEED to get my dash looking like I woke up in Ewan McGregor heaven. I can't take only seeing posts that invoke all out panic and despair. I get it. I GET IT! We're all gonna be murdered and select rich white people will finally live their 1950s wet dream and there's nothing we can do about it. Is it too much to ask that I at least be able to read some quality Ewan fanfic as shit hits the fan? What about headcanons of an obscure character? Where are pictures of his handsome face? Think-pieces on an underrated movie? We need a Titanic "and the band played on" moment but it's just all the Ewan McGregor fans sending memes and gifs and whatnot. Please for the love of GOD, I need some happiness 😫

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

Only the Shadows Know

Movie: Mortdecai (2015)

Characters: Inspector Alistair Martland

Oneshot / Yandere / Drabble

Word Count: 100

Synopsis: While her husband is away, Martland pays Johanna a secret visit.

A/N: So of course the moment I said that wanted to write at least once a week, I didn't touch the computer for a full month 🤦‍♂️. Well, no better time than the present to start again! I wasn't feeling any inspiration and didn't know who to write about. Finally, I realized that inspiration isn't something that's always there. Sometimes, you have to just sit down and start writing. Otherwise, you may be waiting for inspiration for an eternity lol. This is my first yandere. I've become interested in the genre and wanted to give it a shot. This is only drabble so it's very short but dang! Writing exactly 100 words was way more challenging than I expected lol.

Martland gazed lovingly at the woman deep in slumber before him. His desire to see her, to protect her, outweighed the risk of being caught. Besides, the sleeping pill he encouraged her to take was doing its job well. How could Mortdecai roam the world and leave his most valuable treasure defenseless? “I would never leave you, my love.” He softly muttered to himself. One day, he will confess his devotion to his angel and she will understand her place is with him. But for now, as he hides in the dark recesses of her room, only the shadows know.

Trigger Warning: Pet Loss

My dog of ten years had to undergo emergency euthanasia today....because it was an emergency, I didn't have the $300 for a private cremation so I don't even get to keep a piece of my friend. I have so many feelings and so much to say. But now that I'm typing, I have no idea anymore. I think maybe what I want now is for people to magically understand everything I'm thinking so that I don't have to try and put it into words. I might share more about my baby's story later. Idk. For now, enjoy these pictures of my best boy.

My boy has exactly one braincell and it's all spent on loving Satine. 😚 You can't convince me this man isn't a puppy cosplaying as a human 🤭 Your honor, may I submit an additional one?

Satine: What do you normally do while I'm gone?

Christian: Wait for you to get back 🥺

(SpongeBob reference)

christian james (moulin rouge + tweets) insp

12. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: A Life Less Ordinary (1997)

This is Ewan's last movie of 1997 and oh boy, is it a good one! And yes, the plot is just as zany as his previous two movies lol. Here are some fun facts before we begin!

Ewan's wife, Eve Mavrakis, is credited as Art Department Associate.

Once again the terrific trio of Danny Boyle, John Hodge, and Andrew Macdonald are reunited with Ewan to create movie magic! Sadly, Ewan and Danny's friendship took a huge blow after this project. The grudge would last for nearly two DECADES before they worked together again.

Stanley Tucci plays a minor role in the movie and will work with Ewan again in the future.

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Danny Boyle

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: Robert Lewis is experiencing the worst day of his life. He gets fired, dumped, and evicted all within twenty-four hours! He decides his only option is to speak to the CEO and demand his job back. Instead, he ends up kidnapping the man's daughter, Celine! In the midst of this chaos, two angels are sent from Heaven to help Robert and Celine fall in love.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Robert Lewis. Robert is a hopeless romantic and aspiring writer. He's a sweet guy who doesn't know how he ended up as a wanted criminal but thinks he's gone too far to turn back. Thankfully for him, there's one person who's willing to help him be a convincing kidnapper and get the ransom money he needs...his kidnappee, Celine! Ewan gives a great performance in this role. His chemistry with Cameron Diaz is even better than his with Nicole Kidman for "Moulin Rouge!" in my opinion. He has two kiss scenes and a shirtless scene. He performs a song and dance number which is really fun. He wears the kilt which to my knowledge is the only time he's done so on screen to date. Robert is more innocent compared to Celine so that brings about some cute moments of confusion. Best of all, he sobs like a baby in one scene and it was *chef's kiss 🤌*. He needs to do more comedy roles because he's genuinely good at it! All the actors had great chemistry and gave stellar performances.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 53/104 minutes making his SP 51%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? Yes! I'm a fan of his raspy screaming voice (and he does a lot of it), he sings, dances, and seeing him cry in fear is always appreciated. Is the movie worth watching in general? Also yes! It's funny and the actors play off each other so well. The story is unique and the soundtrack is great too!

Warning before Watching: There are some bloody scenes in the movie. Nothing super graphic but I still want to issue a warning for those who are uncomfortable by such depictions. Two characters get shot in the head and there's a close up of their wounds. There's a scene of a character intentionally cutting them self and drawing a large amount of blood. Lastly, a character is cut by someone else and there's a close up of the wound.

Where to Watch: "A Life Less Ordinary" is currently available for rent on Fandango at Home. You can also watch on Amazon Prime Video if you have a premium subscription or you can pirate it on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: It truly sucks that this movie wasn't well-received and was commercially unsuccessful. We need more movies like this that a take chance on a wacky story! I call them "silly goofy movies" and they are sorely lacking in Hollywood today. I implore you to give this movie a watch. It's a great time!

4. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Nothing but the Truth (1995)

TRIGGER WARNING: In this review, I mention sexual violence because that is what this movie is about. I don't go into great detail. Still, if the topic of sexual violence/assault is triggering for you then this is your warning to scroll past.

Ewan McGregor's first project of 1995 was the pilot episode of British television series Kavanagh Q.C. titled "Nothing but the Truth." You might be asking yourself, "television series? I thought those were going to be excluded?" You're right and the reason I included this episode in our movie review list is because it has a runtime of an HOUR AND FORTY-ONE MINUTES. Where I come from, we call that a movie. The episode is also a standalone project, meaning that you don't need to watch the whole series or even an additional episode to finish the plot or understand the narrative. Everything you need to know for the episode happens in the episode.

A couple fun facts before we get started!

In this project, Ewan works alongside Geraldine James again. You might remember her from our previous review as the ex-jazz singer in "Doggin' Around." I thought that was cool! Here, she plays Eleanor Harker Q.C. (Queen's Counsel) who is the prosecutor attorney.

If you've ever heard Ewan say that he met his wife while working on a project, THIS is that project! This is where he met his first wife, Eve Mavrakis, who is credited as the Assistant Art Director. The episode aired January 3, 1995 and six months later they were wed.

Let's dive in!

Movie Review: "Nothing but the Truth" stars the late John Thaw as the titular Kavanagh Q.C. James Kavanagh is a senior barrister and arguably the best. While he couldn't be more adept at his job as a barrister, the same cannot be said for his job as a husband and father. The demands of these roles pull him in different directions and cause friction between him and his wife. The main plot is about an affluent young man accused of sexually assaulting the woman for whom he works. Naturally, it's a he said/she said situation. He claims that it was a consensual fling while she claims the opposite. The evidence corroborates both of their stories to an extent which makes it even harder to know who is being honest. As one of the best lawyers in Britain, Kavanagh is tasked with defending the accused. Unfortunately, defending a man accused of rape only creates more cracks in the foundation of his familial relationships. Armed with his intellect and belief in the inherent goodness of man, Kavanagh is determined to find nothing but the truth.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character David Armstrong who is our young man accused of sexual assault. He has a posh English accent and is incredibly soft-spoken. He also has a stutter which sounds a bit forced at times. This role is my absolute favorite for his long, silky, hair era! We get a few shots of it in the half-up/half-down style but for the majority of the film it's all down. They must have given him a full on blow out because that hair was thick, long, and luscious! His hair needed it's own acting credit. Ewan also showcases his acting skills really well in this role. I've felt for a long time that Ewan performs best in roles that require subtlety and he does a great job in this one. On a more critical note, even though he often plays characters who are depicted in a negative light, those stories tend to require you to suspend your disbelief. That is not the case with this movie. This is a serious topic and the movie handles it with the seriousness it deserves. If Ewan brings you comfort and you only engage with his more wholesome roles, then this might not be for you. There are no graphic depictions of sex in the movie but there is sexual audio twice and in the court scenes the characters go into detail about the incident.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 21/101 minutes making his SP 21%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes, even with the low percentage! Again, his hair is *chef's kiss* 🤌. We get to see him sweaty and working in the dirt as well as dressed up in a three piece suit. There's also a brief makeout scene and shirtless scene. Is the movie worth watching in general? This is very difficult for me to say but my answer is no. My opinion is that the movie is /only/ worth watching for Ewan. If he wasn't in it or was in it even less then it'd be a skip for me. The premise is interesting but the movie can be slow in places. Also, maybe it's just because this was the pilot episode or the legal system being different in Britain, but there were significant issues not addressed in the court scenes that make the ending a little less satisfying. If you like crime shows, then you might like this regardless of the Ewan factor. But be warned, this is not a flashy, fast-paced drama like Law and Order SVU or Criminal Minds. It's an old, British, drama about an old lawyer.

Where to Watch: "Nothing but the Truth" is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the channel "Ewan McGregor Vault". Just search "Kavanagh Q.C. Nothing But the Truth with Ewan McGregor". If you want to watch the full series, all episodes are also uploaded for free on a YouTube playlist through the channel "o p i u m 1". Just search "Kavanagh Qc".

Conclusion: "Nothing but the Truth" is a hidden gem in Ewan McGregor's career. Unlike other crime shows I've seen, this movie was unique in that there wasn't very much information the audience had that the characters didn't. You really have to pay attention, trust your gut, and hope the verdict is the right one. This also makes the movie great for rewatches because you'll start to notice things in the background that add to the story. I highly suggest watching this with another person because if you're like me, you're going to have a lot to talk about as the truth is revealed.

Ramblings

I'm not feeling so well. I'm so dependent on my phone. I'm acutely aware of every second I spend on it and feel guilty for not doing something, ANYTHING else. What really bothers me is that I think that I see my phone as a lifeline. It's the last and only connection I have to people, to the world, at this point. I could force myself to go and do something else. But why? Why would I suffer being alone? And for how long? I could die right now and I don't think anyone in my physical life would miss me. Not for a long time anyway. Online, I exist. I think I'm starting to understand Sword Art Online now lol. I can like posts and leave comments and share things and have an actual effect on here. For better it worse. At least I know I'm alive because maybe I can get a reaction. I don't exist outside of here. I'm nobody. It feels so good to feel like I'm talking to people. Even if I just leave a one word comment I've "talked" to someone today. I'm alive and I matter. What I say and do matters. And sometimes people are even interested in me back! What I say means something when in my physical life I don't have a voice. I just want to matter. To be loved. To know what it feels like to exist all the time.

just wanna say your movie reviews are underrated. I love how you review ewans movies flawlessly and precisely 🙏your reviews are flawless.

Oh my god! I have no words! 🥹 Thank you so much, dear moot! I'm absolutely touched and encouraged that you enjoy my Ewan reviews! 🥹🫂🫶 Oh my gosh you've made my day 🥰😚