Padawan Braids Should Be Far More Decorated I Don't Care

I'm glad to see you active, I've been worried about you. 💖🫂

I had to take some time away for a bit.

Thank you for thinking about me. 🫂 I didn't think anyone would notice my absence because for some reason, I believe that I don't exist unless I'm actively doing something for someone else, smh. It means a lot that you cared.

To those that left me kind messages after my last post, I don't know what to say. I didn't expect anyone to read it or care. Your compassion touched me deeply. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

Another one! Also, I 100% agree with the person who said this is them but reversed 🤭 like you KNOW that Christian is the one waking Satine in the middle of the night to ask her these questions and she's just used to it by now 😁

You did great on her design! So beautiful!

I'm glad I didn't annoy you with all my prompts 😅 I wanted to give you options to choose from. Plus, I just enjoy thinking up prompts lol.

Thank you for doing another one 🥰

(Barriss absolutely deserved better 😔)

Hey, this one's also for @loycspotting , thanks for sending so much prompts !! 🥰

The prompt was : Barriss Offee sitting in class and looking out the window

My girl Barriss, you didn't deserve the story they wrote for you 😔

Btw I loved drawing her design !

12. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: A Life Less Ordinary (1997)

This is Ewan's last movie of 1997 and oh boy, is it a good one! And yes, the plot is just as zany as his previous two movies lol. Here are some fun facts before we begin!

Ewan's wife, Eve Mavrakis, is credited as Art Department Associate.

Once again the terrific trio of Danny Boyle, John Hodge, and Andrew Macdonald are reunited with Ewan to create movie magic! Sadly, Ewan and Danny's friendship took a huge blow after this project. The grudge would last for nearly two DECADES before they worked together again.

Stanley Tucci plays a minor role in the movie and will work with Ewan again in the future.

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Danny Boyle

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: Robert Lewis is experiencing the worst day of his life. He gets fired, dumped, and evicted all within twenty-four hours! He decides his only option is to speak to the CEO and demand his job back. Instead, he ends up kidnapping the man's daughter, Celine! In the midst of this chaos, two angels are sent from Heaven to help Robert and Celine fall in love.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Robert Lewis. Robert is a hopeless romantic and aspiring writer. He's a sweet guy who doesn't know how he ended up as a wanted criminal but thinks he's gone too far to turn back. Thankfully for him, there's one person who's willing to help him be a convincing kidnapper and get the ransom money he needs...his kidnappee, Celine! Ewan gives a great performance in this role. His chemistry with Cameron Diaz is even better than his with Nicole Kidman for "Moulin Rouge!" in my opinion. He has two kiss scenes and a shirtless scene. He performs a song and dance number which is really fun. He wears the kilt which to my knowledge is the only time he's done so on screen to date. Robert is more innocent compared to Celine so that brings about some cute moments of confusion. Best of all, he sobs like a baby in one scene and it was *chef's kiss 🤌*. He needs to do more comedy roles because he's genuinely good at it! All the actors had great chemistry and gave stellar performances.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 53/104 minutes making his SP 51%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? Yes! I'm a fan of his raspy screaming voice (and he does a lot of it), he sings, dances, and seeing him cry in fear is always appreciated. Is the movie worth watching in general? Also yes! It's funny and the actors play off each other so well. The story is unique and the soundtrack is great too!

Warning before Watching: There are some bloody scenes in the movie. Nothing super graphic but I still want to issue a warning for those who are uncomfortable by such depictions. Two characters get shot in the head and there's a close up of their wounds. There's a scene of a character intentionally cutting them self and drawing a large amount of blood. Lastly, a character is cut by someone else and there's a close up of the wound.

Where to Watch: "A Life Less Ordinary" is currently available for rent on Fandango at Home. You can also watch on Amazon Prime Video if you have a premium subscription or you can pirate it on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: It truly sucks that this movie wasn't well-received and was commercially unsuccessful. We need more movies like this that a take chance on a wacky story! I call them "silly goofy movies" and they are sorely lacking in Hollywood today. I implore you to give this movie a watch. It's a great time!

This is my first poll! Something new I want to start doing before posting the EMSP.

EVERYONE STOP SCROLLING AND READ THIS NOW!

Bestie, this is everything I could've ever wanted. You mind! You're beautiful mind! I don't know what to say. This was food for my soul. You've inspired me to study film analysis. This breakdown blew me away! 🤯 I'm just rambling cuz I'm genuinely floored. Wow!

Queer Text/Subtext in Shallow Grave (1994)

CW: BLOOD, STABBING, MURDER, NON-SEXUAL NUDITY, DRUG USE

I guess I wrote a rough essay... about the queer subtext in Shallow Grave... Here... have the rough draft if you'd like...

Overt references to queerness:

When we look at contemporary movies, we often have a knee-jerk reaction to dismiss any “funny” references to queerness or sexuality to be taken as jokes and nothing further than that.  Unfortunately, this has become all too common, and does a disservice to the films we watch. So I will be taking every moment of referenced or implied queerness as serious, even if it is delivered in a humorous way. Especially because this movie is not meant to be a comedy (despite some humorous moments).

Furthermore, references to queerness in movies should be taken seriously because they establish not only the existence of queerness (in universe, as one might say), but can also demonstrate the character’s attitudes towards queerness.  Its important to notice that at no point in this movie are any references to queerness played for a laugh – they might be humorous, but we are not meant to laugh at the character for being queer, which indicates that queerness is taken seriously within the universe of the movie (or at least between the characters).

The first overt reference to queerness is when Juliet asks an interviewee if he is having an affair with a man or a woman and the man is not given screen time to answer. This same man bursts into tears after Alex, a man, says, “When did anyone last say to you these exact words, ‘you are the sunshine of my life’?” (this is a reference to the Stevie Wonder song of the same name). While it is technically (according to the script) said by Alex to a different interviewee, the arrangement of the shots does not indicate that, as it cuts directly from Alex asking the question to the man crying. This could imply a number of things.

The second overt reference to queerness comes at the charity ball, where a Scotsman says, “ladies and gentlemen, and those of you who are neither or both,” which is then met with a drumroll. Alex immediately responds, offended, “where did they dig him up?” implying that Alex finds the joke to be outdated and, perhaps, distasteful.

The third overt reference is when Alex dresses in drag. He also appears in the same scene, on the tape recording wearing some rather flamboyant costumes.  The fact that Alex is in drag is not addressed by any of the other characters, nor by Alex, indicates that this is either a usual occurrence, or, for some reason, entirely unremarkable to the characters.  Specifically, it is interesting that David does not comment on it, as he walks into the scene unsuspecting.

The fourth, and final, overt reference to queerness is when, upon being told of Juliet and David’s relationship, Alex says to Juliet, “I’d do exactly the same thing except I don’t think I’m his type.” If the line is interpreted sarcastically (which I think most viewers will) then we can assume that he is jealous of David for being with Juliet. If it is interpreted as earnest, then we can assume that he is jealous of Juliet for being with David. It also could be an ambiguous combination of both.

Queer Subtext:

Now let us dig into the subtext, which I actually find to be much juicier....

The Squash Scene and the Car

Directly after the interviews have concluded, we are given a scene which helps frame the relationship between the three characters as one built on dynamics of domination and submission and gives us a baseline to understand each of the character’s roles within this dynamic. This scene takes place on the Squash court.

There is a deviation here between the script and the film, as several lines have been cut, but I will include them as they add some context to the scene.

In the above text, Alex indicates that he sees this game of squash as a struggle for dominance. In this case, the game between Alex and David is won by Alex, who then, despite having called David a “bad loser,” demonstrates that he is a sore winner when he gloats over David by saying, “defeat, defeat, defeat – sporting, personal, financial, professional, sexual, and everything.”

David is clearly annoyed by this and storms off. This scene sets up the ongoing power dynamic between Alex and David in which Alex is the dominant one in the relationship. It also is the first time that we see David being emasculated by Alex, which will continue occurring for the first half of the movie.

Immediately after David leaves the court, Juliet takes his place to play a match against Alex.  In this scene she is wearing a rather masculine outfit which is similar to that of the two male characters. She also sports short hair throughout the movie, but this is the scene in which she appears the most “boyish.”  When she enters the court to play, Alex begins to make the same statement (“Did you know squash is-”) that he made (in the script) earlier, to David. Thus he is using this exercise as a way to exert dominance, not only over David, his male sexual rival, but also over Juliet, thus implying that she is on equal footing – therefore also a sexual rival. However, Juliet cuts him off and tells him, “Alex, just serve.”

The action of cutting off Alex denies him domination in that moment, thus establishing that the two of them are on much more equal footing, or possibly that Juliet is in fact the dominant one between the two of them.  This scene serves to establish that typical gendered dynamics are somewhat blurred between these three individuals, and that David, instead of Juliet, takes on the most feminine/passive role in the group.

The next scene once again highlights the complicated gender and power dynamics within the group.  Juliet drives the car (masculine) while Alex and David bicker with one another from the back seat and passenger seat, respectively.

In this scene, addressing Alex’s win, David says, “Victory is the same as defeat – it’s giving into destructive competitive urges,” which distances him from competition, and could be interpreted as him rejecting the masculine urge to dominate.  Alex, in return, emasculates him by belittling his reliance on a “discussion group,” (implied to be therapy). During this scene, Alex and David are looking at one another, however, the rear-view mirror blocks both of their eyes. This symbolizes their unwillingness to see “eye-to-eye and perhaps a certain level of repression between the two of them.  Also in this scene, Juliet physically dominates Alex by elbowing him in the chest, and attempts to emasculate him verbally by implying that a woman that he is interested in hates him. She does this specifically in response to Alex’s emasculation of David, thus establishing that while Alex might be dominant over David, she is dominant over him.  During this exchange, however, in her attempt to protect David from Alex, David is further emasculated because he relies on someone else to defend him.

Discovering the Body / Three Friends, Three Bodies

When the trio discovers Hugo’s body we see some more of this interesting dynamic.

David stands by shocked while Alex ransacks the room searching for paraphernalia, while Juliet (the doctor among them) attends to the body.

Hugo’s nude corpse in this scene represents male vulnerability. He is prone and exposed on the bed, having overdosed on heroin, and can do nothing while his privacy is violated (by the dominant, Alex).  The injection of drugs into the body, in this case, could also be said to symbolize emasculation - the breaking of the body barrier through penetration of a syringe (phallus). This exemplifies a significant cultural fear at the time – death of the male body via penetration, which had become a major concern due to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. (If I was writing this essay for real, this is where I would insert articles that demonstrate horror’s preoccupation with AIDS and gay stuff during the 80s and 90s, but this is just for fun)

David, of course, is enamored by this display of the fragility of the male body. I would suggest that he identifies with Hugo’s vulnerability in death, and that the treatment of Hugo’s body by Alex and Juliet mirrors the way that they treat David. While Alex takes advantage of Hugo’s vulnerability in death by violating his privacy (thus dominating it), Juliet emasculates Hugo’s corpse by tending to it.  In one shot, we also see Juliet’s fingers dangerously close to penetrating Hugo’s mouth.

We can also expand upon this by recognizing that the two male characters that are pursuing Hugo and the trio in search of the money, are parallels to Juliet and David.  The two men are able to dominate Juliet and Alex through violence, only then to be killed by David. Thus, the three bodies that the trio end up burying are parallels to the trio themselves.

David Overcomes Emasculation, Alex Becomes Emasculated.

Alex’s emasculation of David continues throughout the first half of the movie, culminating in David being forced to dismember Hugo’s body (the very body that he identifies with).  When this occurs, he becomes the violator/aggressor/dominator.

This occurrence proceeds the change in the group dynamic. Around the midpoint of the movie (during the charity ball) we see David transition into a dominant role in the trio, while Alex becomes submissive.

This is demonstrated first by Juliet dominating Alex while they dance. Alex falls to the floor, drunk, and Juliet takes that moment to step on Alex’s mouth, forcing him to lick the bottom of her shoe.  He then willingly kisses her ankle, meeting her eye contact submissively. It is made clear through his facial expressions and laughter, that he finds joy in this act, thus embracing the emasculation (whereas David had always responded poorly, rejecting it).

Alex then attempts to re-exert control over David by forcing him to toast when he doesn’t want to. David eventually concedes after Alex yells at him, demanding that he toast to “love and happiness forever.”  (Alex also humiliates and emasculates Cameron in this scene).

David finally exerts control when Brian McKenly (a man keen on pursuing Juliet) interrupts their conversation. David responds by standing on level with Brian and stating, “If you want to talk to my girlfriend, you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you end up inside of a fucking bin bag. You didn’t apply – so you don’t dance!”

While David shrinks a bit afterwards, admitting that he found the interaction stressful, both Juliet and Alex embrace him, in high spirits (one might say… aroused…). Alex exclaims, “He [David] was really good – fucking bin bag – I really liked that. You really explored your maleness to the full there! You were magnificent.” This statement indicates that Alex, who has rarely had an encouraging word for David over the course of the movie, is invigorated upon seeing that David has stepped into a dominant role, exerting his masculinity onto others. Immediately following this, Alex is assaulted in the bathroom by Cameron (who he had emasculated twice prior) and two other men, who beat him quite badly, thus emasculating Alex.

The following day, Alex’s emasculation is made complete when he dresses in drag and spends the day in debauchery with Juliet. The framing of his and Juliet’s bodies during this scene is also worth noting, as they are often visually indistinguishable from one another – with Alex being noticeably more feminine than Juliet in several shots due to his makeup, jewelry, dress, and rather delicate shoulders.

(Notably, during the entirety of the ball scene and much of the drag/video scene, Alex is often pictured smoking a cigar instead of his usual cigarette, which could be said to stand in for a phallus.)

From this point on, David is almost always dominant over Alex. (One notable exception is one moment where Alex leans in close to David during dinner and orders, “now swallow,” while making very intense eye contact. David regains control by reminding Alex that David was the one who dismembered Hugo’s body.)

After this point it is clear that David is undergoing some extreme psychological stress, and has become paranoid and aggressive.  His shift in demeanor is most clearly symbolized by this shot, where he calls out of work so that he can begin making plans to protect the cash.

The Wickerman

During one scene, an injured Alex lays on the couch and watches the final scene of The Wickerman (1973). 

The Wickerman tells the tale of a conservative Christian police officer who goes to a Scottish isle to investigate the disappearance of a girl, only to discover that the locals are practicing a form of paganism that involves human sacrifice. The police officer discovers that he is in fact the sacrifice.  It is implied that he is the sacrifice because he is a virgin and a heterosexual, and he is unwilling to have sex with Christopher Lee’s character.  Christopher Lee was most well known at the time for playing the lead in Dracula (1958) – another movie with extremely well documented queer subtext. The audience of The Wickerman would have been aware of this.

During this scene, the drumbeats of the pagan ritual, where the police officer is being marched to his execution/sacrifice, synchronizes with David’s steps overhead, a sound that the characters and the audience come to associate with surveillance and dread.

Honestly this scene has me a bit stumped. Who does Alex identify with in this situation? The heterosexual victim? – is the ending subverted because his submission culminates in… the penetration of Alex's body… thus making him queer? Idk it's been a long day.

Surveillance

During the second half of the movie, David moves into the Attic and rarely comes down when his housemates are home.  He is protecting the money, both from his housemates and from the men who eventually come looking for it. While Alex and Juliet are brutalized by the men, David is the one who has set a trap for them, and is able to kill them. He also leads the trio to dispose of the bodies, and drives the van (whereas Alex had driven the van the first time they disposed of the bodies, when he had been the dominant one in the relationship).

During his time in the attic, David drills holes in the ceiling so that he can spy on his housemates. He is literally in a dominant position over them, looking down on them while they go about their daily tasks. In one scene, he spies on Alex and Juliet while they are sleeping. In this scene, he is shown first to be watching Alex. David is also in a state of undress that we have not seen before, implying a certain sensuality to the observation. We do not get to see Alex in a state of undress, but the scene finishes with Alex putting his shoes on, the camera looking down from above, implying David’s Point of view, and that he had watched the whole time. After Alex leaves, David moves to watch Juliet, in a scene that is much longer and more explicitly inappropriate and sexualized, especially because we come to understand that David’s temporary attic bed is located directly over her bed. However, before she begins undressing, he looks away and holds his head in his hands.

This scene simultaneously offers us a leveling effect between the two objects of David’s gaze (Alex and Juliet), while simultaneously prioritizing the heterosexual coupling. However, the implication that there is shame associated with the heterosexual gaze, complicates the situation.

Penetration with the Drill (Phallus)

When Alex goes into the attic to look for the money (and finds it in the water tank), he climbs back down the ladder only to be confronted by David, who is holding a drill (phallus) as a weapon.  Alex’s hands are wet from the water, and he frantically wipes them on the seat of his pants, behind his back, visually placing his hands as a barrier to his anus. The Drill makes contact with Alex's head and breaks the skin in an act of penetration (the body barrier is broken). This is the first scene in which David directly engages in domination (and penetration) of Alex.

David’s Glasses and Alex’s Photo

Lenses, mirrors, and portals/doorways are deeply significant visual aids in this movie, but I want to highlight the one that stood out to me the most. When Juliet and David have (implied) sex, at which point they solidify their status as a couple, David removes his glasses, and places them on Juliet’s bedside table.  Underneath the glasses is a photo of Alex in costume, a cigar in his mouth, framed through the lens of the glasses.  The photo was taken on the day in which we see Alex at his most feminine, at a point where he had been thoroughly emasculated (beaten in a bathroom by a man that he had emasculated multiple times). The framing of the photo, through the lens of David’s glasses implies that this is how David sees Alex – costumed, emasculated, and with a phallus in his mouth.

This photo is also shown once more in the film; David holds the photo of Alex as he lies in his attic bed, and he pins it above his head so he can look at it. The scene cuts to Alex, also in bed, who then gets up. It once again cuts back to David, who also gets up, and we see that Juliet lies asleep next to him. This follows a pattern of shots that we’ve seen before in the film (see the Surveillance section), where we see David watching Alex in what could be interpreted as a sexual or romantic way, before the camera reveals Juliet and lingers significantly. The implication is that whatever there is between David and Alex always gives way to the relationship between David and Juliet.

Returning to the glasses - the final time that we see them is during the climax of the movie. The three characters are struggling against one another, and David’s head is forced into the refrigerator so that Alex can try and smash him with the door.  He manages to throw Alex off, but not before his glasses are caught on the shelf of the refrigerator, thus knocking them off his face.  Having David’s glasses be knocked off would not typically be significant in a fight scene such as this, however the camera goes out of its way to linger on this shot, indicating that the symbolism here is important.  The other time that we have seen David remove his glasses has been before he has (implied) sex with Juliet. In this case, the removal of the glasses occurs just before David pins Alex in his final act of domination, which then culminates in the ultimate symbolic act of sexual penetration – David stabbing Alex with a knife (phallus).

NOTE: David is also pictured without glasses at the beginning of the film, where he is lying on his back, and halfway through the film, after he has dismembered Hugo in a symbolic act of violence against his own vulnerability.  In the first scene we hear his monologue; “I’m not ashamed, I’ve known love, I’ve known rejection. I’m not afraid to declare my feelings. Take trust for instance, or friendship. These are the important things in life. These are the things that matter, that help you on your way. If you can’t trust your friends well, then what then? What then? This could have been any city, but all the same.” It is unclear until the end, but it seems that the first time that we see David, right at the beginning, we are actually seeing him postmortem in the morgue. Meaning that the monologue is a lament on his life... (You're not ashamed of what, David? Being a bit gay, perhaps?)

Penetration with the Knife (Phallus)

At the climax of the movie, after David’s glasses have been removed, we arrive at David’s final act of domination over Alex.  David pins Alex to the floor by sitting on his stomach, with Alex’s legs pinned underneath his knees in a position that could be interpreted as sexual.  He then holds Alex by the throat, and stabs him in the shoulder, slicing clean through and penetrating the floor.  The act of stabbing (penetrating) a victim with a knife (phallus) is one often noted in analysis of horror films, as having sexual implications (again – I’d find some article about it here if I was a serious writer lol).

Before David can stab Alex again with a second knife, David is stabbed with a knife through the throat from behind by Juliet.  Thus Juliet, who has been a dominant character throughout the movie, is symbolically penetrating David with a phallus. Furthermore, the location of the stabbing in the throat and from behind, implies that David has now suffered, once again, an emasculation, just as he had just preformed on Alex.

David collapses and dies, just as Hugo did, from emasculation through the body barrier being broken from penetration. Thus, David’s identification with Hugo’s corpse and the vulnerability that it represented, is complete in this moment.

Juliet then kneels over Alex, taking up the same position that David had just occupied, and places her hand on the knife in Alex’s shoulder, pressing on it, thus taking David’s place as the one to dominate Alex.  She then removes her shoe, and in an act that mirrors the scene from the charity ball in which she dominated Alex by having him lick her shoe/foot, she uses her shoe to hit the knife three times, driving it deeper into his shoulder, further penetrating him.  Thus, in her final interaction with both David, and Alex, she has penetrated them.

As she puts her shoe back on, we can see inside of the refrigerator, where we once again see David’s glasses, recalling once again that this scene is coded as sexual in nature through the movie's visual language.

As the movie closes, we discover that Alex is alive (probably), and that he has hidden the money underneath the floorboard. In the ultimate irony of the movie, the character that spent the second half of the movie being coded as the submissive (homosexual receiving) partner, has come out on top, despite the other two character’s attempt to dominate (and kill) him.

Uhhh the credits roll, and they're all shown as they were in the first scene of the movie, smiling, laughing, and the love song "Happy Heart" plays...

What a fun game! I love it! I agree with most of these headcanons. Now I wanna do one! 😁

Alex Law x Reader // SFW alphabet

Warnings: Very vague mentions of violence? If you squint?

Summary: SFW alphabet for Alex Law, from Shallow Grave. 

Notes: My asks box is currently open and empty! Please check out the pinned post for characters I write for! :) Enjoy! 

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Alex never really shows affection in the conventional or typical sense. He’s not particularly one for PDA, such as hugs in front of others or kisses in public. He’ll lay with you on the couch though, and of course sleeps by your side- in your bed or in his. There are a few instances when he’ll be affectionate in front of others- like if either of you are really upset, or if you’re watching a movie with Juliet and David. 

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

Alex can be a little bit annoying sometimes.Well, not sometimes. Most of the time. He tries to be nice, in his own Alex-y way. He would take the mickey out of you and joke around a lot, but despite this he would always be there to be a shoulder to lean on or just someone that listens to you. 

Keep reading

8. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Emma (1996)

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: PG

Director: Douglas McGrath

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Toni Collette

Synopsis: "Emma" is a movie based on the Jane Austen novel of the same name. It boasts a large cast of talented and recognizable actors. Several of them will go on to work with Ewan again in future projects. The movie is about Emma Woodhouse, a young socialite. Although she is an available bachelorette, she enjoys secretly matchmaking couples in her town instead of finding love for herself. She believes greatly in her matchmaking skills, though her pride and naivety cause her to fumble more often than not. When Emma befriends Harriet Smith, a debutante with unknown family heritage, she makes it her mission to find her new friend a fitting husband. Instead, she finds herself more trouble than she knows what to do with.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Frank Churchill. Frank is the stepson of Emma's friend and former governess, Mrs. Weston. He is a charming young man who thrives on being the center of attention. When he arrives in town to visit his father, the townswomen immediately become enamored with the handsome bachelor. Even Emma, who previously thought she was not interested in marriage, can't help being swept off her feet by the gentlemen's advances. Ewan wears a wig in this role I believe because his hair would still be short from filming "Trainspotting." It's not a bad wig but there were some moments where I had to squint and say "yeah, I don't think that's his hair" lol. He uses an English accent for this role and honestly, it doesn't sound very good. He's done English accents before but this one just doesn't sound natural, especially compared to his co-stars. He sings twice in the movie! He performs two duets and the first one always makes me laugh because of how he randomly jumps in. He's also in a dance scene which was really fun. As far as his performance, it's nothing special in my opinion. Again, maybe it's because he was surrounded by a large cast of talented actors, but he didn't seem to shine like he normally does. Or maybe he was tired from filming four movies back to back and the fatigue had begun to set in. Luckily, since his character is a minor one, it doesn't really matter and I still had a good time watching him.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 13/121 minutes making his SP 11%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? My opinion is no. He's a fun perk that you get with the movie but I wouldn't turn it on just to see him. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes! It's fun. It's cute. It has a happy ending for everyone. It even won two Oscars for best movie score and costume design. It's a calm, low stimulating movie that's still entertaining.

Where to Watch: "Emma" is currently available for rent on YouTube and can be streamed on Amazon Prime Video if you have a subscription.

Conclusion: If you like period pieces then I think you'd like "Emma". It's a beautiful movie and a nice change of pace from the overstimulating movies of today.

Oh. My. GOSH! I love every bit of this! WOW!

Friend, you seriously put a lot of work into this.

You even included Party Poison at the end! I was genuinely surprised!

I love the drawing of us together lol 😁

The Littlest Pet Shop is such a throwback! I'm in love with your art for it fr fr

I'm going to be listening to the playlist all day tomorrow!

The Ewan edit is top notch! You really outdid yourself!

Thank you thank you thank you!! You singlehandedly made this a special Christmas for me all because you cared. 🥹 You're an angel. 💕💕💕

gift for my bestie

picture of us fr so real ^im the shaggy haired one

gift for my bestfriend forever , + a playlist of songs i think he would like mainly ewan , some friendship songs. :33

@loycspotting

11. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: The Serpent's Kiss (1997)

Fun Fact! If you're a fan of the "Long Way" motorcycle series with Ewan and his best friend Charlie Boorman, then you'll be pleased to know that their friendship began on this movie! Charlie has a minor role in the film as a secretary. He and Ewan met while filming and bonded over their love of motorcycles. The rest is history!

Genre: Drama/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Philippe Rousselot

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Greta Scacchi, Carmen Chaplin, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "The Serpent's Kiss" is about the Smithers family. Mr. Smithers wants to give his wife the gift of a garden so he hires a top-notch landscaper that his in-law recommends to him. Mrs. Smithers isn't very interested in the garden but prefers games and tricks. Specifically those she can play on people. Their daughter, Ann/Thea, is a peculiar girl. She reads far too much and gets along better with nature than people. While her mother indulges her, her father worries for her health and hires a physician to "cure" her or her abnormalities. Once the young landscaper arrives, it becomes evident that he is not just there to build a garden, but to use his expertise to exact revenge for his secret employer.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Meneer Chrome who is a famed Dutch landscaper. He takes a job in England with the goal of transforming the overgrown lawn of the Smithers family into a one-of-a-kind, modern, garden. As he works on the project, he becomes interested in his boss's eccentric daughter while her mother becomes interested in him. Ewan speaks in a Dutch and English accent for this role but mainly Dutch. I'm not familiar with Dutch accents but I'm going to be bold and say that his was terrible. It annoyed the crap out of me! I couldn't take it seriously, it was forced, and completely took me out of the movie every time he opened his mouth. I would've enjoyed this movie a lot more if he didn't have to use that god awful accent. He has a female love interest and two kiss scenes. One is with a man and the other is with a woman . He also does some flirting with his boss's wife. There's an implied sex scene and implied nudity. You do get to briefly see him shirtless though. He wears a wig and you also get to see the worst haircut he has ever had in a movie to date. His performance isn't very good. There were a couple moments where it felt like I was listening to him recite lines from a paper. It didn't seem like he was all in for this project but decided to coast through. This might be a nit-pick but it's not a spoiler: not long after we meet his character he randomly tosses his wig off for no discernable reason and he never puts it back on. Nobody says anything about it. All the men of high class wore wigs in the movie so I assumed for a man to walk around wigless in front of high society would be deemed offensive. Anyway, I don't know what the point of that scene was.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 44/106 minutes making his SP 42%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. Although he is in much of the movie, he just doesn't do a lot nor is he interesting. Honestly, the character is boring. I wouldn't turn this on for Ewan. Is the movie worth watching in general? Sadly, it's another no from me. In all fairness, it's so weird that it charmed me a little but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I don't know what audience this movie was made for.

Warning before Watching: There is a whole incest subplot in the movie. There aren't any sex scenes or anything but the movie makes sure you know they're related so keep that in mind. In a scene where Thea is overcome with emotion she intentionally cuts her face. The scenes of her being "cured" of her "illness" by the physician could also be uncomfy to watch. There's nothing graphic but you do hear her scream in pain and just the general treatment of this character is sad. Lastly, you see someone die from poison.

Where to Watch: "The Serpent's Kiss" is available to stream for free on Tubi, Sling TV, Redbox, Amazon Prime Video, and Freevee. It's also currently uploaded for free to YouTube. Just search "The Serpent's Kiss Full action Movie Drama Ewan McGregor".