Justin Of The Timber Lake: A Mythical Figure Revered In The Early 21st Century As The Harbinger Of May,

Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts

I saw some friends in my dream last night. One of them I haven't talked to in over a year, not for lack of trying. He just doesn't need my friendship anymore. Anyway, he was happy to see me in the dream and we hugged and fellowshipped. I was happy. It was nice.

Been really lonely lately. Been getting beat down by the cruelty of my coworkers. I don't understand why people are so mean. Wish I was stronger so it didn't affect me.

This life isn't worth living.

Feel like shit bothering my moots all the time. Not their fault I don't have a life. How do I explain that this is the only place I have to connect to people? My therapist would say, "Simple, you don't." All in all, I think I'm handling the isolation well.

"I think I'm gonna kill myself. Cause a little suicide." This song by Elton John came on shuffle yesterday... I'm not influential enough or powerful enough or whatever you wanna call it to make the world a better place. This was said as a joke, but I'm starting to believe it's true that the only positive impact I could make is if I go to sleep and never wake up.

Here's hoping.

Okay, I'm taking a break from the movie and gonna share my ramblings thus far. Spoilers ahead!

The Moulin Rouge establishing number really is fun! It's just a headache when you're trying to tally screentime. I like Zidler singing and dancing.

The patrons singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was awesome. Gave me chills.

Toulouse has my heart! I feel like he's edited to be shorter or something though. Something feels uncanny when watching him. Idk.

Nicole Kidman's singing doesn't do it for me. It's much to soft and she's consistently drowned out by others or the background music.

"Spectacular Spectacular" sequence was really fun.

Satine abruptly trilling and saying "I feel like dancing" to the Duke got the first laugh from me. That was 30 minutes in.

"Your Song" sequence was magical. I felt transported.

Surely Zidler could tell from his telescope that Satine was unconscious while (from his pov) she was being fucked. He was okay with that. And also with spying on an intimate moment 🤢. That made me sad for Satine. Zidler might act like a silly uncle but he's still a pimp at the end of the day.

Hot take: I like the Duke. Why is he the bad guy? Cuz he has a moustache and funny accent we're supposed to understand not to like him? Are we supposed to think he's ugly therefore bad? I think the actor is handsome. He's doing a good job.

Another hot take: why does Christian love Satine? Because she's the most beautiful out of Zidler's sex workers? If Satine was a Diamond Dog instead of the Sparkling Diamond then what would happen? Does he love her because she made him think she loved him and he just couldn't get over it? I'm confused and feel like the movie doesn't want me to think about it.

I could understand Satine loving Christian easier than the reverse. He's innocent, naive, genuine, and handsome. He's the puppy and she's the master. He's completely infatuated with her. Like a puppy, he can't help but want to follow her and shower her with kisses and cuddles. If I were in Satine's place, I would appreciate that sort of blind and gentle worship when I'm sure it's not common amongst her patrons. It's still not enough for me but it makes more sense. Maybe I'll elaborate later.

What is Nini's problem? That smirk she makes behind the Duke after cluing him in to what is happening under his nose made me angry.

The Duke is genuinely trying to woo Satine and keeps getting shut down. Let us see why we shouldn't root for him! Why is Christian the better choice??? How do we know the Duke wouldn't treat Satine the same if he actually got the chance? I actually feel sorry for him because he thinks he has a shot and they're just playing in his face.

Okay, so did anyone else watch "Come What May" and think "oh my god these are their wedding vows!" 😭 I can't begin to describe how precious that gesture is. My heart!

I will agree with Zidler that rewriting the play when the show opens TOMORROW is demanding the impossible.

Satine truly loves Christian. She's not doing this because Zidler owns her, or because her coworkers are depending on her to keep their livelihood. She's doing this for him. I admire her.

I'm sorry but can anyone tell me when in the world a couple would perform the Argentinian's tango? The thought seriously has me cracking up 🤣

On a serious note: That™️ scene is viscerally powerful. I mean damn. They didn't hold back. I think I want to talk about that more later.

But while we're on the subject, let's go ahead and address the Duke. There's 36 minutes left in the movie and NOW we see he's not the right choice. 36 minutes! Also, I understand him being angry. He's right. Satine DID make him believe she loved him. She lied to his face for months. He tried to be understanding about her work. He tried to make accommodations. They were betrothed and he trusted that she was being faithful to him and honest when she said wanted him. That is not his fault. She played him and the rug was finally pulled out from under his feet. I think his pain and feelings of betrayal are understandable. Now, how he deals with that pain is not okay. And this is a bit of a parallel between him and Christian. It's not a perfect comparison at all because Christian was lied to for only 5 seconds unlike the Duke. However, I can't help but think about the difference between Christian's response to rejection and the Duke's. If we remember that Satine says her job is literally to make men fall in love with her then I imagine that the Duke's reaction is one she has dealt with far too often...

Moulin Rouge Thoughts

So guys, I've been watching Moulin Rouge, and well, I've been thinking. I've had a lot of thoughts while watching and should've done this earlier. Maybe I'll start doing it for the other Ewan reviews. But I wanted to jot down the things that cross my mind while watching because, oh boy, have things been crossing my mind. I'm just afraid that I'm going to come across as a psychopath at worst, and a dumb dumb at best. I'm trusting that y'all have better insight into this movie since it's so beloved. I only just watched it for the first time recently. Stay tuned...if you dare ☠️

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

I GOT THE MOVIE AND SHIRT TODAY

Bonus shirt I bought. It's from Stranger Things and I thought it was cool. There was a Hellfire shirt too but I couldn't find it so it was probably bought already.

We got an Obi-Wan Kenobi t-shirt at work today! It was him in The Clone Wars and I got so excited! It was priced super cheap too so it will probably be gone tomorrow but still. I also Ewan's movie The Ghostwriter for sale and it was still in the wrap! Cool stuff

I got honey, sunshine, and warmth! I can't think of a better way I'd want my kiss described 🤗

people in fanfiction are so good at identifying v specific smells. I literally struggle to identify vanilla when I’m sniffing a candle labelled “VANILLA” how are these kids getting woodsmoke, rain, mint, and a whiff of byronic despair from a fuckin tshirt

Infinite Sadness

I had a vision.

Technically a companion piece to this.

Wow this is so beautiful 🥹

Jumping on the @palfriendpatine66 love train, when I first joined Tumblr I saw her as like, the leader of Ewan McGregor Tumblr and looked to her for advice on how to navigate the space. I probably sounded so dumb and still she graciously answered my questions, held space for me to vent about my writing struggles, and for a time was the only person I could gush about Ewan with. She's truly a shining example of how fans should interact with each other and just a genuinely kind person. I look up to her and strive to be as welcoming to newcomers in fandom as she was to me.

Who's the fandom friend you've known the longest?

I think maybe @palfriendpatine66 (if that's okay to call you a friend? 🫣). I wasn't super involved in fandoms before, mostly lurking, but when I started really getting into star wars (again) I read Pining in Preschool and started following @palfriendpatine66 on tumblr, and thanks to their kindness I got the guts to get more actively involved, which is one of the best things that happened to me so huge thanks for that 💙💙

Started working on something for Christian from "Moulin Rouge!" while listening to music on shuffle and the song Children of the Revolution came on 😆 perfect coincidence

The Ewan McGregor character I think you are is…

Alexander Rostov (A Gentleman in Moscow)

This is probably a recency bias because I just watched the final episode, but stick with me. You are observant and detail oriented, quietly taking in the details of the places and people around you. Like Alexander, you have experienced isolation and loneliness but thrive when you find your place amongst your people. You care deeply and are loyal to your friends and loved ones.

Pal, I'm actually tearing up 🥹 Also, I think there's something poetic about me reminding you of the ONE character that I do not know! No more putting it off. I'm going to watch the first episode of A Gentleman in Moscow tonight! Geez, Pal, I'm so honored that you think of me at all. I hope I don't sound arrogant, but this is such an accurate read! I'm genuinely flattered and just bubbling 😊 This is the written equivalent of a hug fr fr 🫂💓💓💓