I Don’t Know Why People Would Continue To Choose Me And Invest In Me.

I don’t know why people would continue to choose me and invest in me.

One day, between the headlights and the sound of the shower, it might start to get easier. Everytime it does, I start to drown again. Maybe it’s because after a while, I’m sick of fighting and It’s much easier to sink, to falter, to fail. After a while, people stop expecting things from you, teachers favourite loser. Pretty horrible for a perfectionist and overachiever.

I don’t know why this is something I continue to struggle with. I have food, money, a girlfriend who treats me like a alluring flower, even though I have bugs inside. They start to eat me every so often and people get to peer inside, behind my petals. I shouldn’t be struggling and yet I am.

It may be the writer in me but it’s something I can’t contain. Enough to scare my friends, enough to make my girlfriend hold me tight, enough to keep my mind occupied. Like a dark cloud that follows me, I can’t shake it. I know I’m a bad person, I’ve tried to change, but inside I feel it. The anger, the pain, the sadness, the frustration. Almost reluctant to admit how often my mind feels like an LDR song.

It makes sense that people wouldn’t want to be around all this. My mind constantly running, never turning off. Why would someone want to be with someone who always has a running commentary and an opinion about everything. I should get paid for the way I ruin peoples days, on and off again, like a carousel.

But it’s okay, I don’t care at the end of the day. Isn’t that right?