Persephone: Stop Spending Money On Stupid Stuff.

Greek Gods As Things I’ve Said

Zeus: I may be a whore, but I am a whore with power.

Hera: Denial and homicide- my two favorite coping mechanisms.

Hades: The fact that you all haven’t realized that I am probably going to be your landlord in hell is sad.

Poseidon: The ocean is full of plastic, just like the world is full of idiots.

Hestia: Ah, home. Mine constantly feels like it’s on fire, especially when it actually is on fire.

Demeter: Eat your goddamn grains you whore.

Aphrodite, screaming: JINGLE BALLS, YOUR DAD’S SMALL, I SUCKED DICK LAST NIGHT-

Ares: I’m not saying violence is the answer but if these math problems were people they’d be dead already.

Apollo: At least we have music and memes to dull the pain that is our existence.

Artemis: I don’t want your number you stupid male I want to hunt you down and end you in the woods because it contributes to the mood, now fuck off.

Dionysus: Wish I could just run off in the woods and rip people apart and get nasty.

Hermes: The future is meaningless but the thievery is now.

Hephaestus: If hitting it with a hammer doesn’t fix it, you’re not hitting it hard enough.

Athena: I have come to the conclusion that I will be alone simply for the fact that everybody else is fucking stupid.

Persephone: Fuck you mom, you make my life more like hell than actual hell.

Hades: Is it wrong for me to wish my dog had arms to get me a beer?

Dionysus: when was the last time you got laid?

Hermes: when was the last time you came home sober?

Dionysus: touché

Lucifer: Imagine if someone handed you a box of all the thing you’d lost over the years

Abel: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thanks for finding this!

Hades: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in 15 years!

Cain: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Theo: Mental stability, my old friend!

Lucifer: …could you guys lighten up a little?

therapist: and what do we say when someone upsets us?

hades: i’m going to send your soul to the fields of punishment for eternal torture?

therapist: no.

Aphrodite: You can't buy happiness!

Hades: Clearly you don't have enough money to buy a dog.

Ares: Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.

Hades: ALL RIGHT LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS

Hades: Raven, not you, you’re an angel and we’re happy to have you here.

Hades: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Persephone: ... are you okay???

Hades: Cerberus stole my frickin garlic bread