Swiftmurderstuck Number Four

people commenting on darren and ca$h’s relationship and completely pinning the blame on darren is fucked. darren clearly isint being pushy out of purely selfish reasons it’s because they literally cannot conceptualize someone valuing them in a partnership outside of sex. To them, they are hard to love and as a consequence they feel as though sex is the only thing they have to offer and value. Thats why they are so pushy towards ca$h about it. Yes, some of their behaviour is aphobic but it’s not coming from a place of willful ignorance it’s coming from a deep rooted fear that without sexual connection they are worthless. Acting as if ca$h is the only one hurt by this is so near sighted and quite frankly just shitty, one sided analysis that pins anger on a character that doesn’t deserve it.

DAVE: dude were kind of giving ketchup and mustard rn

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: yknow like the condiments

KARKAT: CONDOM… MEANT…?

DAVE: oh man dont tell me you guys are rawdogging your roasted tubular barkbeastflesh or whatever the fuck you would call them in trollsylvania

DAVE: just imagining the vantas extended family standing around at a cookout

DAVE: hurling obscenities at one another whilst horking down dry meat nestled betwixt even drier buns made of pulverized wriggler pupa molt

DAVE: roll footage of that over a troll sarah mclaughlin track and the caegars come pouring in

DAVE: anyway back to the first thing

DAVE: it kinda fits our vibe too

DAVE: me being the sweet sexy tangy coulis that every flag waving american wants slathered on their hog this summer

DAVE: shit lets be honest every other season too

DAVE: you being the grainy pungent explosively spicy heterogeneous gunk whose delicate honeylike undertones can only be unlocked by individuals with an acquired taste

DAVE: and lucky for you ive procured the shit outta your sapor

DAVE: theres a poupon joke to be made here somewhere gimme a sec

KARKAT: SOMETIMES I WONDER IF EDUCATING MYSELF MORE ABOUT YOUR FRIVOLOUS, SOFT-BELLIED HUMAN CUSTOMS WOULD SPARE ME AT LEAST AN HOUR PER DAY OF NONSENSISMS SPEWING FORTH FROM YOUR WASTECHUTE DIRECTLY INTO MY NOW CONSTANTLY-OVERSATURATED AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS.

DAVE: not a chance babe

DAVE: you present me with a delectable little seedling of a talking point and ill nurture the bastard regardless of how much background knowledge you possess

DAVE: cultivating entire cropfields worth of witticisms

DAVE: at least fifty seven varieties

(a sort-of redraw of this old post!)

the old barbie movie soundtracks genuinely do not get enough acclaim. Arnie Roth is a fucking genius and we don't talk about it nearly enough for my liking.

swiftmurderstuck number four

waiting so patiently for the School Spirits fandom to come to life so I can talk about it and absorb all the content like a plant soaking up water

The final troll lineup!

At least Spider’s honest about being a dickhead. Dusty’s just the fucking worst

diddy party

funny cut of children

“Patrochilles is real,” I say into the mic, the crowd boos. I begin to walk off the stage in shame. “No, she’s right!” I hear a voice in the back say. The lights come on. It's Alexander the Great.