Mari-say - Mari Say

attraction 💥

“i’m not the same as who i was before [x] thing happened to me” does it help to know that you would not have stayed that person regardless

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

Y'all. Y'all. I have discovered possibly the greatest commercial establishment in the history of mankind. An indie bookstore-and-flower-shop in an old-town arts district, COVERED with trans/queer/Black Lives Matter books, flags, pride, etc. Filled with cute vintage furniture, a Writer's Corner, cool lamps, and an enormous and very friendly dog. Has a "Sappho Coffee" in-house bar about to open soon. Run by two lesbians. Horribly, I had to go elsewhere because I desperately needed coffee and theirs was, as noted, not up and running yet, but I will be back so hard. Possibly to shake these women's hands and take copious notes as to the secret of their success. They have done it. They are an example to us all. They are living the fanfiction dream.

warmth in the cold

“is this character good or bad” “is this ship unproblematic or not” “is this arc deserving of redemption or not” girl…

"the world isn't kind" ok??? Much more importantly are you?????

J. R. R. Tolkien, undisputedly a most fluent speaker of this language, was criticized in his day for indulging his juvenile whim of writing fantasy, which was then considered—as it still is in many quarters— an inferior form of literature and disdained as mere “escapism.” “Of course it is escapist,” he cried. “That is its glory! When a soldier is a prisoner of war it is his duty to escape—and take as many with him as he can.” He went on to explain, “The moneylenders, the knownothings, the authoritarians have us all in prison; if we value the freedom of the mind and soul, if we’re partisans of liberty, then it’s our plain duty to escape, and to take as many people with us as possible.“

Stephen R. Lawhead

the most annoying people are people who don't understand storytelling. they be like "oooo how convenient that this thing happened to the main character in the very beginning". yeah no shit. that's why the story begins here