No Business Of Yours

Dazai and Chuuya would totally be the duo at fifteen and sixteen chasing after one another and dueling with lightsabers and making the lightsaber noises too.

Dazai's the dramatic one when he pretends to die, going full-on villain monologue on Chuuya before he grabs Chuuya's lightsaber, puts it under his arm and plays dead.

Mori has absolutely no idea what he's walking in on when Chuuya's triumphantly standing over Dazai's (fake dead) body, but so long as they aren't actively killing each other, he just smiles and walks away.

Ok, but Alastor being an old man that doesn’t know technology being boyfriend’s with a Victorian man that taught himself how to craft lasers and code *his own damn ship computer/pocket watch phone* is so damn hilarious. Pentious tries to teach him how to use a mobile phone and he either locks himself out of the damn thing or he presses too hard on the screen and ends up skewering the damn thing with his talons.

HONESTLY. HONESTLY in the sequel to CDIH I plan on doing so much with the fact that Sir Pent is keeping up and Alastor ain’t.

Like. Like just picture. Alastor gets dragged kicking and screaming into using ~modern technology~. Once he has been dragged into using ~modern technology~, by golly, he’s going to use it to have some fun! He’s going to decide he wants to watch music videos on YouTube, which is a web site that he has heard exists. He is going to go to the URL bar. He’s going to type in “http:\\www.google.com”, he’s going to look at it thoughtfully, he’s going to squint at the two different slash keys on the keyboard, he’s going to leave the room to ask somebody which direction the slash is supposed to tilt if you are trying to go to Google Dot Com—

“you’re sure that’s the direction the slash mark is supposed to tilt SPECIFICALLY to go to GOOGLE DOT COM?” “yes, I know what I’m doing,” “no, you don’t need to come help me,” “no, I am PERFECTLY capable of going to Google Dot Com without you holding my hand, I was the king of the airwaves back before most Americans HAD radios, if I could handle the radio I can CERTAINLY handle an overpromoted typewriter, THANK you”

—and then he’s going to go back to the computer and delete the entire URL by clicking “delete” 21 separate times, he’s going to retype it as “http://www.google.com”, and then he is going to click enter.

(And please… if this is how slow and difficult it is for him to navigate to google, imagine how much time and effort someone must have spent to slowly teach him how to turn on a computer, how to open a web browser, what a web browser is for, how to highlight the address bar in order to type in a URL, what an address bar IS…)

And then he is going to click in the search bar on Google Dot Com, and he is going to type in “Hello! How do I reach You Tube?” and he is going to puzzle over the little square that says “I’m Feeling Lucky” for a moment before deciding, no, perhaps he doesn’t feel lucky today, and he’ll click on the little square that says “Google Search,” and google is going to be like,

An actual link to YouTube does not appear anywhere on the first page of results. Alastor is lost. He’s adrift at sea with no sign of shore. He will never find his way to YouTube.

He looks at the little list of tabs up top like,

and he dubiously clicks on Videos, because yes, the You-Tube he has been shown had videos, that’s kind of its thing. And the results are like,

And he very dubiously clicks on the first one.

First it plays an ad—oh, he succeeded, he found a video!—and then it plays another ad, Alastor has no ad block, the concept of “ad block” does not exist anywhere within his understanding of the universe, and then it starts playing what looks like an old black and white movie like,

Oh it’s a picture show! He found a picture show on the Internet! How wonderful! He doesn’t recognize the movie but it’s in black and white, it must have been made in his time—

And then a minute and twenty seconds into the video it FINALLY starts playing music and he’s like I DID IT I FOUND THE MUSIC VIDEOS I WAS PROMISED. He pats himself on the back, he’s great at using modern technology, he’s got this all figured out.

He’s got a little yellow pad and pencil he keeps next to the computer to jot down the “Internet addresses” of songs he likes so that he can type them into the “Internet address bar” when he wants to watch them or listen to them again later. He’s found that you have to write them down fast, even though they’re very long, because when the song ends it will move right on to the next one—just like the radio when a song ends—so if you dawdle it will vanish and you’ll never find the song again!

Guess what feature Alastor hasn’t noticed exists and doesn’t know he can turn off.

Guess what other features Alastor doesn’t know about.

Making an account so he can save videos.

Back buttons to go back to a song if he missed the URL.

The controls on a video.

If Alastor likes a song and wants to hear it twice, he clicks on the search bar and types in the whole URL one letter at a time and clicks enter to get it to re-load and play again.

And he’s got no control over this mad unhinged machine that is the YouTube algorithm system, its autoplay is like a car with a brick held down on the gas and nobody holding the steering wheel, it’s just taking Alastor wherever the fuck it wants and if it starts ducking into weird fucking videos Alastor is just going to assume that that’s how YouTube works, it’s no different from the radio, sometimes you’re scheduled for music and sometimes you’re scheduled for ads and sometimes you’re scheduled for interviews or a talk show or news or whatever.

Which means eventually if he lets this untamed shambling A.I. behemoth keep careening around wherever it wants to go, it’s going to start meandering into the niche/weird stuff. EVENTUALLY it’s going to stumble onto something off of Sir Pentious’s channel, and he’s going to open up the video sounding like a Boomer trying to sound cool, like,

(I told the link to load at 5:33 but I think it’s not going to do that on tumblr, I know you all are capable of going to 5:33 yourself because y’all are five million times more competent with computers than Alastor is, just skip to that time ok cool thanks good job)

Video opens up on Sir Pent like that and Alastor is absolutely flabbergasted that Sir Pentious is on the You Tube and then Sir Pent’s like “so I broke into another church to take a joy ride on their pipe organ, per my last video this is the song all four of my followers requested for me to play!” and he takes off like,

and Sir Pent’s trying to sound cool, ends like “Sssmasssh those like and subscribe buttons if you’d like to sssee me illegally play someone else’s pipe organ! :>” and Alastor is sitting there going I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO SMASH ANYTHING SO MUCH IN MY LIFE BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THAT.

He’s so completely shocked and awed to see a video with Sir Pentious in it that he doesn’t even remember to write down the URL, which means he will never ever find the video again.

So: Sir Pent is extremely embarrassingly trying to sound Hip & Modern while playing a 22-year-old out-of-date meme song and he’s only got four followers… but like, but like, he KNOWS the Hip & Modern lingo; AND he knows how to make, edit, and upload YouTube videos and curate a YouTube channel; and he knows how to read the comments on his videos, at least minimally engage with viewers, and keep up with who’s following him…

And meanwhile Alastor doesn’t even know the comment section exists.

Sir Pentious only looks behind the times and out of date until he is compared with the alternative.

De aged Fic Part 5

Part 4

Hattie scowled down at her phone when it rang loudly, interrupting the silence she had cultivated inside her apartment. It had been a difficult last few days, consisting of her having to eliminate several targets

She had finally arrived home, ate a simple meal and fell into bed intending to sleep for at least ten hours. But then her damn phone rang

Not recognizing the number, she had been tempted to not answer, but she knew he bosses would use burner phones

Answering, she growled

"Shaw."

"H-Hatts?"

Hattie blinked in surprise as a child's voice called out her name. Sitting up, she frowned and a cold shiver went down her spine

"Who is this?" She tried to soften her voice, but knew she still had a harsh note

"Hatts, it's me. Owen."

Hattie went numb

What?!

There was absolutely no way Owen had called her using a wobbly child's voice, on the brink of tears. There was no way he was that crazy

Right?

Took caught up trying to think how ridiculous her brother could be, Hattie didn't respond soon enough and prompting the child to go off on a tangent

"I don't know what's happening, Hatts. I woke up all wet and cold, and these people took me to a scary place. But this nice lady, Letty, gave me her jacket and then took me out for dinner. But then I saw all these weird looking things. I think they're phones? So I stole one and tried calling Deck, but he didn't answer, do you think he doesn't like me anymore? And I tried to call you-"

Finally, the little boy took a deep breath. But before he could keep going, Hattie spoke up

"Owen, where are you right now?"

"At home."

Hattie sighed. At least that made things easier

"Owen, listen to me. I want you to stay there and I'll come and get you. Do not open the door for anyone."

"Okay."

She didn't want to hang up, just in case he did something stupid. No matter what age he was, she knew he was capable of anything

It only took her twenty minutes to arrive at their old home. None of them had lived in it for years, but she knew their mother kept it cleaned for her own personal use and business

When she arrived, she used her own key to open the door and called out

"Owen? It's Hattie!"

She listened closely until soft footsteps came to meet her

Hattie felt as if she was slapped when she spotted him

The little boy barely even came up to her hip he was so small. His hair was shaggy and long, while his clothes looked far too stylish for his age. He looked up at her with wide, curious eyes

"Why are you so big?" He whispered in awe

"Because I'm an adult." Hattie said dumbly

"But I'm older than you!" Owen pouted and crossed his arms

Hattie blinked at him and felt a smile tug at her lips

"And you'll grow up to be taller than me. But right now, you're a small fry."

He narrowed his eyes at her, his pout still strong. Hattie met his gaze evenly, but inside, she was freaking out

What the hell was she going to do with a miniature version of her older brother?!

Ah hello Omni! I have a request! Can we have the Shaw siblings and the subtle (or not so subtle) aftermaths and effects of their childhood trauma (and adulthood trauma). Thank you! 😘

I've been biting at the bit to write this one up friend!! I have so many ideas for it, just bear with me!

Warning: implied child abuse, flashbacks pertaining images of child abuse

~~~

Deckard kept his breath even and his eyes closed as he listened to his own heartbeat on the monitor next to him. He could feel his skin itching close to the needle stuck in the back of his hand, but knew better than to scratch at it

He purposely ignored the way his ribs screamed in pain every time he moved even slightly. Or how his foot was raised up on several pillows and a thick cast wrapped around his ankle

It had been a stupid mistake. He didn't see a grenade coming towards him in time and had been thrown off a small ledge. He was lucky to not be struck by any depris

But not lucky enough not to get hurt

With his eyes closed and mind elsewhere, Deckard didn't hear the heavy footsteps coming closer and closer to his room until the door banged open and made Deckard's eyes fly open

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?" Luke Hobbs growled at him. He barred his teeth in anger and stormed up to Deckard

Before the Brit had any time to respond, Luke continued

"I turn my back for one second and you can't even keep yourself from doing the most stupid shit I've ever seen!" Luke shouted, standing over Deckard. "The next time I yell 'grenade' you fucking listen to me, Shaw! Do you understand?"

Deckard stared up at him, face blank as he nodded his head the slightest amount

"See that you don't, princess." Luke barked at him before storming out of the room and slamming the door shut

Deckard could only stare after him

While Luke probably didn't notice the heart monitor going crazy, Deckard most certainly did and tried to calm himself down before any nurse could come rushing in

Blood rushed in Deckard's ears as he tried to take calming breathes but they came shaking and brought a small sob from his lips. His hands shook more than he remembered them doing so in a decade and didn't stop no matter what he did

While the nurses only heard Luke's shouted words, all Deckard heard was his father's words

Closing his eyes, Deckard could feel tears falling down his cheeks

---

Roman could sleep through almost anything. Including the loud thunderstorm that was rolling through Miami that night. He was firmly wrapped around Owen, his chest covering the Brit's back. Face shoved securely in Owen's hair, Roman slept like a baby

Before being violently woken up by Owen sitting up straight

Roman jerked harshly and flung his arms out as a loud crash of thunder shook the walls and made Owen jump even harder

As the rolling thunder trailed off, Roman could hear Owen's heavy breathing in the dark

"Oh? You ok?" Roman whispered and moved closer, but didn't dare put his hand on the other man, no matter how much he wanted to comfort him. He knew better than startle him

"Y-yeah." Came Owen's shaky reply

Frowning, Roman watching him, but couldn't see much in the darkness. Owen's breathing wasn't calming down as quickly as he'd like

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Owen..."

Owen shook his head

"Thunder reminds me when one of my units got bombed when I was in the military." He whispered

Roman felt his heart shatter

"I'm so sorry, Oh."

Owen nodded and took a shaky breath

"Can we sleep?"

"Yeah."

Settling back down, Roman lifted his arm as Owen snuggled into his chest and shoved his head beneath Roman's chin. Holding him close, Roman rubbed Owen's back in comfort

But Owen was stiff as he kept his eyes open, lost in thought

He didn't tell Roman that the thunder also sounded like the gun his father used to own and would point at him as a child

---

Closing the door, Hattie carefully juggled the boxes of pizza and breadsticks as she went back into her apartment

She smiled as she saw Ramsey cracking open two beers and placing them on the coffee table. The TV was ready to go with their choice of movie that night, Little Shop of Horrors

"You said this place was good?" Ramsey asked as Hattie started to place the boxes down

"Best place on this side of London." Hattie flashed her a smile, not looking where she put the boxes

Suddenly, there was a thud as one of the beer bottles went crashing to the floor and spilling everywhere

"Oh shit!" Ramsey yelped as beer splashed all over her feet. "Where are your paper towels?"

As she looked over at Hattie, she found her as pale as a ghost and frozen to the spot

"Hatts?" Ramsey called out gently, but she didn't move

Hattie's eyes were stuck on the fallen beer that was still gushing out the contents. Standing, Ramsey moved closer to Hattie and saw her hands shaking

"Hattie? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing!" Hattie blurted and jerked in place. "Let me clean this up."

"Ok, but-" before Ramsey could continue, Hattie had bolted off and towards the kitchen. Ramsey frowned after her

Hattie nearly collided with the kitchen counter as her breath came short and ragged. Frantically, she looked down at her hands and saw the small scarring on the back of them

She could clearly hear her father screaming at her and demanding she be punished. She could practically feel the latex gloves he would shove onto her hands and force her to wear for an hour or more. She could remember the burning and itching sensation that ran up her arms as she was forced to sit in the puddle of beer she had knocked over by accident

"Hattie?"

"Coming!" Hattie yelled back, hoping her voice wasn't shaking. Grabbing the paper towel, Hattie went back into the living room

---

Leaning against a wall, Deckard kept his eyes narrowed as he watched a nurse walk up to Owen and brandishing a needle

Deckard flexed his arm without thinking and could feel the soreness from where he had already been stuck by a needle

He and his siblings had been sent out by Mr. Nobody to track down an international criminal, but had ended up being ambushed. The guy had sent a canister at them, leaving them in a cloud of unidentified gas

Now, they needed to know if they had been poisoned

Meaning they needed to have their blood drawn

Which Deckard could see that both Owen and Hattie were about to refuse

Hattie was sitting next to Owen, his hand tightly squeezing hers as they both kept their eyes on the nurse

Deckard wanted to tell them that nothing was going to happen, but he knew they wouldn't believe him. Not when he had said the same thing years ago and had been wrong

He knew exactly what was going through their minds when they saw a needle

They were questioning whether they would be forced to sleep if the needed touched them

Deckard had been nine when their mother had first brought home her needles. She had shown them to her children, stating that if they misbehaved while she had an important meeting, she'd make sure they were quiet

Owen, the poor rowdy six year old, had found out the hard way

The needles were filled with strong sedatives that had left Owen unconscious for almost a day

Deckard was sure their mother had killed him

But he had woken up, shaking and sobbing

It wasn't the last time their mother would use tranquilizers on them when they misbehaved. The last time being only half a year ago when Hattie had accidentally screwed up a job their mother had been pulling

Pushing himself off the wall, Deckard dragged a chair up next to Owen and sat on his other side

"Just let 'em take your blood, and we'll get out of here." Deckard said quietly, looking between his siblings

Neither looked remotely comforted

~~~

I hope you enjoyed friend!

Luke: say those three words

Deckard: I love you

Luke: I love you, too. But try again

Deckard:

Luke:

Deckard: I will behave

Luke: there we go

Deckard: *Tries to turn on the lights* Luke! You forgot to pay the electricity bill!

Luke: Isn’t it Owen’s turn?

Owen: I don’t even live here

Luke: Our fridge says otherwise

Owen:

Owen is a freeloader and Luke doesn't hesitate to call him out on it

Shout out to @francutx for making me my own IMPSONA! I absolutely love it and looks identical to me! 11/10 frfr

She also does Commissions so be sure to check out her page!

Namor truly representing the POC experience by coming to the surface, telling everyone his name, and then–despite hearing how *he himself* said it–everyone mispronouncing it for the rest of the film.