Medicbled - Saviour Complex *

15.     bookcase. // HC @owestwind

BOOKSHELVES// she has a habit, a collection that rivals her record one. two points in her home have dedication to her literature. - a corner in her living room and a good portion of her bedroom. every single book is one she's read at least once before and there are favourites she revisits often. many copies that have seen combat and deployments and gotten her through difficult times. she's a fast, thorough reader and her taste varies, but this is a little snippet of some of her favourites.

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Send me hc + a word of your choosing and I’ll write a headcanon relating to that word!

Or send hc + two words and I’ll try and come up with one that links those two things together!

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i said i'm fine, please just drop it. @huntedgod

she  watches  him,  not  with  judgment  but  with  an  EERIE  STILLNESS  she  can't  help  sometimes.  it's  made  of  too-long  nights  and  losses  that  strangle  the  psyche  too  much  to  be  untangled.  her  hands  are  steady.  always  have  been,  whether  wrapping  gauze  or  holding  the  weight  of  someone  else’s  truth,  they  never  hesitate.  but  now,  they  rest  on  the  table,  fingers  curled  slightly  inward  like  she’s  bracing  for  something  she  can’t  touch.

I'M  FINE.  she  knows  that  one.  said  it  herself  with  a  tournoquit  pulled  taut  between  her  teeth,  said  it  over  bodies  under  fluorescent  lights  and  pools  of  blood  in  the  sand.  she  said  it  until  the  words  stopped  meaning  anything—  so  she  doesn’t  argue.  ❛  yeah,  alright.  ❜  she  then  lets  the  silence  fill  the  space  like  steam  in  a  closed  room.  thick,  warm,  unavoidable  as  her  instincts  continue  to  press.  slowly,  she  shifts  her  weight  forward,  elbows  resting  on  the  table  as  she  presses  up  and  off  to  her  feet.

❛  can  you  at  least  let  me  look  at  your  hand?  ❜  her  voice  is  quiet  but  insistent.  ❛  last  thing  you  want  is  a  fight  bite.  ❜

---

❛ i could never be the one to love you. i can only be the one that kills you. ❜ @putrefacerem

she  lets  the  silence  that  follows  stretch,  taut  and  trembling.  notions  of  self-preservation  died  with  her  girlhood;  war  reconstructed  her  into  a  walking  grave.  making  it  off  the  battlefield,  alive  meant  she's  really  only  living  on  borrowed  time,  death  lying  in  wait.  she’s  not  a  soldier  anymore,  she’s  not  even  just  a  doctor.  she’s  the  woman  who  lets  a  monster  drink  from  her  throat  and  bandages  the  bite  like  it  doesn't  mean  anything.  a  woman  who  tells  herself  she’s  doing  it  out  of  pragmatism,  routine,  a  mutual  benefit  —  nothing  more.

gloria  should  feel  powerful,  shouldn’t  she?  he  needs  her.  her  blood,  her  pulse,  her  will,  and  he  feeds  because  she  allows  it.  yet  somehow,  mínluben  is  still  in  control.  she  watches  him,  that  ruin  of  a  mouth,  those  eyes  that  look  too  long  and  hard.  like  he’s  piercing  the  depth  of  her  soul  and  measuring  her  worth  through  every  sin,  and  she  pretends  it  doesn’t  hurt.  ❛  and  why  haven't  you?  ❜  maybe  the  tragedy  is  knowing  she'd  let  him  because  when  the  teeth  pierce  skin,  it  feels  like  she’s  needed,  really  needed.  impossible  to  count  how  many  times  she'd  cursed  an  empty  sky,  demanding  a  trade  of  her  life  for  the  fallen  beneath  her  palm.  under  the  heavy  framework  of  her  grief,  to  die  as  sustenance  to  life  doesn't  make  her  feel  any  ounce  of  fear.  she  steps  closer,  haunted  honey  gaze  sought  him  out.  near  enough  that  the  scent  of  ichor  would  invade  his  solitude.  her  neck  tilts  into  the  smoke  of  her  challenge.  ❛  what's  stopping  you?  it's  right  here.  ❜

---

something  deep  inside  her  stuttered  to  a  halt.  the  words  sank  like  a  stone  into  a  part  of  her  that  he  inhabited…WOULD  ALWAYS  INHABIT.  even  after  all  this  time,  even  after  the  wreckage  they  left  behind.  and  god,  there  was  so  much  of  it.  love  had  always  carried  a  price.  back  then,  it  had  tasted  like  urgency,  like  adrenaline  and  sweat  and  the  marrow-deep  sting  of  guilt  after.  whispered  nothings  between  flak  jackets,  fingers  curled  tight  in  the  dark,  kisses  and  teeth  pressed  into  skin  like  they  were  trying  to  rewrite  the  ending  before  it  ever  came.  war  made  monsters  and  martyrs  of  them  both.  but  frank…  frank  had  always  made  her  feel.  too  much,  too  fast  and  still  never  enough  because  she  wanted  him  to  live  beneath  her  skin.  ❛ you  think  i  want  to  be  the  reason  you  suffer  ?  ❜  he’d  split  her  open  without  trying,  peeled  back  every  wall  she’d  ever  built  and  stood  there  like  he  didn’t  even  realize  he  was  holding  the  pieces  of  her  heart  in  blood-slick  hands.

❛  i  need  you.  ❜  so  much  that  it's  caustic,  it's  worn  itself  into  the  fabric  of  her  twisted,  brutalized  soul.  she  let  her  gaze  trace  the  battle  map  of  his  body,  of  all  the healing  that  never  took,  all  the  scars  she  could  trace  by  memory.  she  remembered  every  night  since  knowing  him.  a  call  never  went  unmissed,  her  door  never  locked.  moments  where  loving  him  felt  like  betraying  herself,  her  thin  grasp  on  morality  and  fuck—  betraying  the  memory  of  his  family.  she  stepped  closer,  until  her  voice  was  right  near  his  throat,  her  palm  flat  to  the  ribs  that  never  set  right.  ❛ i  don't  know  how  to  love  anybody  else.  i  don't  know  how  to  even  try  with  anybody  else.  i'm  not  slipping  away.  ❜  her  fingers  trembled  where  they  touched  him,  but  she  didn’t  pull  back.  she  couldn’t.  ❛  if  you're  not  here,  i'm  nothing.  ❜

his body is a mess of old wounds   —   scarred   over,   stitched   up,   bruised as hell. joints   crack,   muscles   pull   tight,   and   there's   a   constant   throb   in   his   shoulder   where   the   bone   never   healed   right.    pain   is   part   of   him   now,   background   noise   he   can   fight   through.    it's   the   guilt   that   guts   him.    the   guilt   that   lingers.    just   having   her   near   feels   like   a   betrayal   all over again.    her   presence   is   medicine,   yeah   —   she   quiets   his   mind   for   a   moment,   her   voice   smooths   the   anger in him,   but she's also the wound.    a   reminder   he   didn’t   just   lose   his   family   the   day   they   were   murdered.    no,   he   lost   them   long   before   that.   in   the   missed   dinners,   late   nights   staring   at   the   ceiling   with   the   taste   of   whiskey   and   her   mouth   on   him,   the   cold   space   between   him   and   the   man   he   used   to   be.

still   wanting   her,   after   everything,   is   his   punishment.

“     tired   doesn't   matter.    ”  he   lets   the   words   hang   in   the   air.    even   if   he   was,   even   if   he   could   tire   himself   out   from   chasing   her   like   a   goddamn   dog,   he   wouldn’t   walk   away.    she   needs   him   just   as   much,   even   if   she   doesn't   say   it   out   loud.    he doesn't do soft.    he doesn’t   do   pretty   words.    but   with   her,   somehow,   it   all   feels   like   the   one   thing   worth   fighting   for.    “  i've   kept   going   this   long   because   of   you.    i’ll   be   damned   if   i   let   you   slip   away   too.    ” 

inbox : aren't  you  tired  of  all  of  this? target : @medicbled

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a  twitch  she  won't  snap  up  in  her  maw.  the  way  he  says  the  word  CAMOFLAUGE  like  he  knows  what  she’s  been  trying  to  outrun  it since  the  first  time  someone  shoved  a  tourniquet  in  her  hand  to  save  a  man  already  half-dead.  like  he  can  see  the  thing  coiled  behind  her  ribs and  how it gnaws  when  she  lets  her  guard  drop. and  she  knew  he  could see it.

❛  well  then  i'm  paying  too  much  for  mine.  ❜  she's  been  dissected  by  people  in  far  colder  rooms  than  this:  by  doctors,  by  superiors,  by  the  mirror.

her  throat  tightens.  ❛  i'm  not—  ❜  hungry?  she's  a  terrible  liar.  he’s  not  wrong,  and  that’s  the  worst  part.  she  just  hates  how  much  she  agrees,  how  he  can  unravel  the  tireless  labour  of  moral  acrobatics  at  the  promise  of  FEEDING  THE  ROT.

❛  bleeding  is  easy,  billy.  ❜  she  presses  words  and  invades  his  space.  she  isn't  a  threat...she's  always  a  threat;  a  labcoat  won't  change  that,  but  she's  offering  resistance  by  tenderness.  it  lands  as  a  bruise  and  traces  the  veins  in  his  forearm.  ❛  i  want  to  know  what  they  do  when  the  wound  closes.  ❜

❛  but  be  honest  again,  querido.  ❜  a  sharp  hum,  a  burning  sort  of  melody,  amusement  becomes  a  strange  sickness  brought  back  from  the  gallows.  ❛  is  that  the  only  time  you  trust  me?  when  you  make  me  bleed?  ❜

there's a subtle twitch behind his lashes—barely there. you'd miss it unless you were hunting for it. and someone like gloria? she always seemed to be hunting for something.

    ❝ suppose a psychologist would call that behavior 'camouflage'—if they were ditching the clinical lingo and leaning into something we’d actually recognize. ❞

he tilts his head, as if parsing her—like she were a wound to be stitched or a bomb to be disarmed.

    ❝ uniforms aren't made to make saints. scrubs, fatigues—shit, even the suits, gloria. all they do is color the appetite. but the hunger? it’s still there. ❞ he studies gloria, eyes locked into hers—too long, too knowingly.

    ❝ but if i gotta be honest... i trust people more when they're bleeding. at least then, you know what color they really are. ❞

@medicbled

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›       TENSION   LINER   PROMPTS     

"I   dare   you   to   try."

"Do   you   always   get   close?"

"You’re   pushing   my   limits."

"Stop   looking   at   me   like   that."

"I’m   losing   control   here."

"You   have   no   idea,   do   you?"

"I   can’t   resist   you   anymore."

"Stay   back,   or   don’t."

"I   know   what   you   want."

"This   is   getting   dangerous   now."

"You’re   too   tempting   for   me."

"I   shouldn’t   want   this,   but…"

"I   don’t   play   fair,   remember?"

"Careful,   you’re   testing   me."

"You’re   just   making   it   worse."

"You’re   too   close   for   comfort."

"Do   you   always   push   buttons?"

"Stop   before   I   kiss   you."

"You’re   making   it   too   hard."

"I   can’t   stop   thinking   about   you."

"I   want   you   too   much."

"You   know   exactly   what   you’re   doing."

"I’m   not   playing   games   here."

"You’ve   crossed   the   line   now."

"Keep   pushing,   and   you’ll   regret   it."

"This   is   dangerous,   isn’t   it?"

"I’m   trying   not   to   care."

"Don’t   make   me   regret   this."

"You’re   playing   with   fire."

"You   don’t   know   what’s   coming."

"I   shouldn’t   be   this   close."

"We’re   getting   dangerously   close   now."

"I   can   feel   the   heat."

"Don’t   test   me   right   now."

"I   want   you   too   badly."

"Don’t   make   me   chase   you."

"You’re   distracting   me,   you   know."

"I   won’t   fall   for   this."

"I   want   you,   but…"

"What   do   you   want   from   me?"

"I’ll   never   give   in."

"I’m   trying   not   to   care."

"You’re   playing   with   my   patience."

"Don’t   make   this   harder,   please."

"I   can’t   stop   this   feeling."

"I’m   already   in   too   deep."

"You   won’t   walk   away   unscathed."

"You’re   walking   a   fine   line."

"I’m   trying   to   stay   calm."

"What   are   you   doing   to   me?"

---

↪     ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted sentence starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   no longer updating .  )

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

i love you .   you don’t have to say it back .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

give me another chance .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

nobody can help me .  i can’t even help me .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

whatever you came here to say ,  i don’t want to hear it .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i just didn’t know what to do .

you need rest ,  lie down .

i’m not who you think i am .

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

i wish i knew what to say to you .

don’t give me that look ,  you know what i mean .

you should be afraid .

do you still love me ?

i never thought i’d get this far .

the world doesn’t revolve around you .

i need you to give me some space .

i know what you’re doing ,  don’t play games .

you left me to die .

i’m beyond repentance .

when are you going to get it through your head ?

i missed you more than i thought i would .

i’m in love with you .

what do you need from me ?

i’ll kill them ,   just say the word .

[ name ] ,   what are you doing here ?

how can i help ?

you’re pathetic .

i need you to come pick me up .

where have you been ?  it’s eleven o’clock .

i couldn’t live with myself if i let you get hurt .

i can’t just pretend it didn’t happen .

you’re a real piece of work .

do you remember how we first met ?

when did all of this fall apart ?

that’s not what i came here for .

i would do anything for you .

i don’t need you to hold my hand through this .

are you sure this is the right thing to do ?

can’t we try to pretend things are okay ?

what is THAT supposed to mean ?

you’re always late ,  what am i supposed to think ?

there’s nothing you can do to fix this .

you’re far too kind to me .

can we go now ?  like ,  right now ?

i have to do this alone .

where’s your common sense ?

we aren’t supposed to be in here .

can you feel my heartbeat ?

i think i’ve seen you around before .

why are you acting weird ?

i have a really bad feeling .

i hate seeing you like this .

how am i supposed to react to that ?

what do you want most in the world ?

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night shift makes sense for her because she's a night owl to begin with. night terrors are relentless even with meds, even with therapy ( clearly night terrors can't get you in the day time soooo ). her body, her brain and internal clock were re-wired in the military; she can survive off minuscule amounts of sleep and still be high-functioning. that never leaves her, but that doesn't mean she isn't perpetually exhausted. it makes her ability to pull working doubles very frequently seem superhuman.

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WYD??????

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