Wow I Wonder What Piece Of Breaking News I Missed

shoutout to bass. the part of music that blows your tits clean off when it's done right

this actually is rewiring my brain as we speak

i am so absolutely utterly scared that my insane grandfather in his 80s who runs miles every morning is going to leave me a bird in his will and i am especially scared he is going to leave me a large cockatoo named "captain hook". hook has been trying to make me his child bride since i was like 6 years old and every time i see him again which has only been a couple times with decades in between hook is like "you. it's always been you. ever since you were born i've known we were meant to be" captain hook you are a bird and i am a LESBIAN and i don't WANT an eternal sentinel captain HOOK!!!!!!!

Ash is to Ash what Dust is to Dust

a spark is to an ember what “I’m trying to lose weight to feel good about how I look” is to “I’m planning out my life to try not to look like you”

a knife is to a blade what “I’m concerned about the obesity epidemic” is to “I wish I could solve the problem of your body” is to “I see your body as diseased because it’s not like mine”

an injury is to a wound what “I’m so bad for skipping the gym” is to “I’m being so good for ordering a salad” is to “Health is a moral obligation” is to “You’re failing if you have a disability”

a ghost is to a phantom what “Processed foods are so bad for you” is to “You should feel guilty for eating what you can afford”

“i want a goth dommy mommy” women feel unsafe around you

if i see a group of men laughing i just know its not funny

my town drug dealer shared this on facebook im cryigng 

"Kill them with kindness" wrong. Gengar use shadow ball

in 2017 we’re replacing our cerebrospinal fluid with sierra mist

parents will straight up traumatize you then be like “well i don’t remember saying/doing that.” ok nvm then. none of it happened. i’m good now. We’re good. thankyou for setting the record straight👍 *GRITS MY TEETH SO HARD THEY SHATTER*