CHip And His Horde Of Borrowed Money

HAPPY BDAY ANGEL DUST

don't be weepy sleepy puppies

LISTEN fish and chips is NOT mutual pining to me, it is one-sided on Chip's side. Not because Gillion doesn't love him back, but because Gillion accepts whatever love he is given and it doesn't occur to him to expect or demand any more. Gillion is very happy to be in a romantic relationship with Chip, but he's also happy to just be friends/family/whatever queerplatonic familial closeness Albatrio have going on. There's no pining on Gillion's side, because Gillion has already got a family he never would have expected to be blessed with, and it doesn’t occur to him to expect anything more than what has already far exceeded his expectations.

And this is where the angst comes in, because as we know, Chip:

hates himself and thinks he's a burden on everyone around him and thinks he’s unworthy of love

puts Gillion on a pedestal and thinks he’s this wonderful perfect paragon who Chip can never come close to measuring up to

has internalised homophobia and a crippling shame at the thought of ever revealing his dependence on others

So on the one hand we have Chip, with all these internal reasons why he can never bring himself to make the first move, because he thinks Gill would be disgusted at his presumption for thinking someone as amazing as Gill could possibly deserve someone as awful as Chip - and on the other hand we have Gillion, who is never going to make the first move because it would never occur to him to expect more love than he’s been granted, and would likewise consider it a presumption to demand more after he's received so much more generosity from the crew than he could have ever imagined, and probably expects Chip to someday find his true love and live happily ever after with them with Gill's blessing. So what do they do in this situation? Chip fantasises about Gillion being in love with him and making the first move, then feels disgusted at himself and beats himself up for feeling that way about his friend. Then Gill deliberately ignores any hints Chip might make that he likes Gill, because Gillion must be misinterpreting human behaviour again because in Gill's mind there’s no way Chip would be flirting with Gillion, Gillion never even considers that he might fill that role, because surely Chip is destined for another, a human from his own world. Then Chip interprets Gillion's intentional obliviousness as rejection, and a confirmation of all his negative beliefs about himself.

Suffer.

the eepening

there’s a new potent drug called “the bed” out on the streets. just one hit of the damn thing and you’re passed out cold, tucked in, multiple blankies, honking and shooing for hours. scary stuff.

tigers. thoughts on yes&no by natalie wee as a fnc coded poem

WHYYYYY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TOOOO MEEEEEE

deadass tho i was like “:0 poem! Wait a damn minute I KNOW THIS POEM YOU FUCKER”

I think part of what fucks me up about it so bad is that initially I’m like “yeah this is chips pov” but then i fucking read it again and GOD does it hurt so much more as Gillion.

Bc the poem reads in the first bit almost as someone worshipping the other, right? With the “get on your knees” and “forgiving vs violence” and i think Chip would view Gillion as the holy one, hes the chosen one, hes the one that must be worshipped, the one with the power of the seas and the sky at his hand.

BUT. Gillion is the one who knows nothing but worship. Of course he’d want to worship Chip. And he wasnt raised to love, let alone love tenderly. Hes the soldier, the one good at violence, the war-machine. The last good thing that shattered in his hands? The shell phone. Before that? He doesnt even know. Because hes never held anything gently before. Chip has at least held the coin, or ollies hand, and he doesnt break those. But gillion? Gillion was made to break those things- emotional ties, the innocents of the oversea.

The poem is Chip on its surface, but in reality i see it as Gillion and i will deadass do a one by one line analysis of that poem and talk about how it could be either of them, if yall want that

Moonbathing

so i had an idea

Antagonish

employees should be allowed to steal, actually