Take My Stupid Doodle Of That One Bit In 52

MY CHIP'S MAGIC TATTOOS HEADCANON!!!!

LIKE OH MY GOD—

Whenever Chip argues with Jay or Gill, they'd ask him out of nowhere, "Why are you angry?" and, almost in denial, he'd say, "NO, I'M NOT!" BUT they would still take notice of the flames creeping up his face, crackling audibly, even when he stays silent and withdrawn from a situation.

And let's talk about when Gill attempts to cup Chip's head in his hands and kiss him on the forehead... AND SO Chip gets sooo incredibly embarrassed that he'd almost burn Gill's palms off LMAO.

And when Chip feels down, the crew would notice the flames receding, hardly extending beyond his collarbone. The tattoos would appear unmoving, slightly faded, no longer emanating their usual warmth.

GOOD GOD, I JUST ADORE THE CONCEPT OF HIS TATTS GIVING OFF SOME MORE WARMTH—

At the Black Sea, his tattoos would remain small, subdued, and almost unmoving. Yet, when the captains huddle together for a nap, the tattoos would slowly gain back their vibrant colors and comforting warmth. It's just as if knowing that his captains are resting safe and sound beside him is enough...

I think Jay would sleep with her back turned to him, his arm supporting her head while her hands are gently clasped around his forearm. Perhaps she does it only to keep them warm, but maybe it's because that warmth somehow feels familiar. And in those quiet moments, she can't help but reminisce about Ava's fiery hair slipping through her fingers, making her remember times when they used to braid each other's hair before drifting off to sleep.

On the other side, Gillion would absolutely just wrap himself around Chip, loving the warmth that envelops him. Because waking up in that comforting sensation reminds him of the times he fell asleep on the deck after training, waking up to the gentle warmth of the sun on his skin. Their warmth now simply remind him of sunlight, something he deeply misses seeing...

Something just occured to me. Circling through each beautiful moment in the campaign, I noticed a pattern. Gillion never initiates hugs. Every time, no matter if he is the one consoling or the one being consoled, he never is the first person to offer an embrace. And I think it says something.

When Jay wants to hug Gill, she always asks first. She opens her arms as an invitation and always gives him a clear sign that she wants to be close to him. And any time she offers, anytime Gillion gets permission, any time he feels like he is allowed one, he clings to her desperately and fully, starved for it, finding himself unable to let go too quickly, savoring it like he isn't sure when he is going to be allowed to have another.

Chip's hugs are unprompted and usually done with just as much desperation. They are completely controlled by emotion, and are a form of a language that Chip uses when love and appreciation cannot be expressed by words anymore. Chip never asks for hugs, he takes them. He needs them, so he is scared to ask like Jay does, cause asking means risking to be denied. It is safer to steal it. In contrast Jay is still asking cause she is still afraid of taking love for granted.

But they both, in the end, ask for hugs and comfort in their own ways. Gillion doesn't. He wants it, he needs it so often, but he never dares to ask for it. Cause he still treats love as a reward that he needs to earn, that he is not allowed to ask for, that can't be had, unless he does something that makes him worthy of being loved. Affection and love is a currency and Gill was taught that he needs to fight for it. That it's something he should never dare to request on his own.

How many times on their journey did he need to feel someone else's body close to his, but his lips were sealed, suffering in silence, thinking he Has not done well enough to be given the privalage of being comforted? How many aches and worries did he swallow down and burried deep inside? How many old wounds is he trying to fill with every single hug he receives, when someone else offers it to him? When he dares to take it, when he grips their clothes in an iron grip, trying to make the best out of it before it's gone? Cause who knows when someone allows him to have that again?

The only person Gill ever hugged first was Edyn, the first time in Allport. It was done with the same ferocity of a hurt child, of a little boy who Has been going through hell and his sister is his only remedy. The only person that always lets him have love for free. The only one he knows he can hug for sure. One who for so many years has been the only source of comfort.

The rest of the world is uncertain and even with Chip and Jay, Gill still strives to fulfill the unsaid cryteria of when he is worthy of their affection.

But I know that with enough reassurance and care, he will be able to ask for love himself and start treating his crew as people he can fall back on. And just so you know, the moment in which Gillion is the first one to hug Chip or Jay is going to make me cry like a little baby.

_______

Edit: more thoughts occured

Did you notice that Jay always seems to match Gill and Chip when it comes to hugging? She never asks Chip for hugs and takes them the same way Chip does, no matter if she is the one seeking or offering comfort. And the same goes with Gill. Regardless of whether she is the one in the need of comfort or she is the one comforting, she always verbally communicates a desire to hug first. Like she kinda feels that this is what Gillion needs from her to accept it.

So maybe Jay is actually always trying to search for the most effective way to get a hug, to increase her chances. She believes she has to, cause she cannot take love for granted anymore, not after Ava's death. She took her for granted and now she is gone. So now Jay struggles to freely express her own desires and instead clings to all the ways that she thinks guarantee her the affection she needs, an act of desperation in its own right. A silent plea for acceptance.

Each Captain on this ship treats each embrace as a treasure to savor and protect. It's a result of their past and their fears, but also a proof of unyielding love they have for each other. It's beautiful and one day the same love that they still dread to take, will heal them.

im gonna blog more

Do you guys ever think about the fact that The Magnus Institute abbreviated is TMI aka Too Much Information

be quiet guys she has something to say-

"There's rosemary, that's for remembrance. Pray you, love, remember. And there is pansies, that's for thoughts… there's rue for you, and here's some for me." (Hamlet 4.5.199-205)

I get gillion not understanding fashion is a joke but also watch how fast I can get upset over it. cuz like. he doesn't know how to dress himself, because he's been wearing the same uniform (sleeveless turtleneck + big pants) since he was FIVE. he hasn't had the autonomy to pick out his own clothing EVER. never in his life has he been told to just pick out what you want to wear. put together an outfit for yourself. so the few times he's been told to make an outfit in the campaign, it's been to disguise himself (the chair suit, the pile of leaves, even the outfit he wore to mimic the uniforms of the elders,) with the notable exception of the outfit he wore to grimm's party- something he didn't enjoy wearing.

he's the only captain that hasn't gotten a full, true redesign, because he just isn't comfortable changing his look right now. he put up his hair, and he bought a nice cape for himself. he's purposefully taking his time exploring this new freedom that he has, but like. that cape is a bigger step for him than you'd think.

A colored version of this post. 💛

[copic markers and colored pencils]