Us Time

why i love aziraphale and why i find his character so heartbreaking

So I made a post on why I relate to Crowley and I adore him, obviously. I think a few you misunderstood what I meant there, though (which is understandable, I was a bit incoherent but that is inevitable on this blog). I wasn't saying Aziraphale didn't care about Crowley or was horrible to him, rather the opposite.

What I was saying was maybe Crowley felt unloved against his better judgement, because he knows he is loved by Aziraphale, but maybe everything he has been through has started to chip away at that knowledge. It's happened to me, I'm sure it's happened to a few of you. You are assured that you are loved, you can see them doing things for you, but you feel unloved. Maybe because of the other people who don't love you. Maybe because... you don't love yourself.

But I definitely wasn't putting down Aziraphale, who is a beautiful character. I adore him. I love how every single second, all his emotions are on his face. That's actually how I realised they'd switched bodies--in heaven, 'Aziraphale' had a cool, dismissive look on his face. That could only be Crowley, I knew, because Crowley is a bit better (not a lot, not around Azi of course) at masking his emotions.

That's what's so beautiful about Azi, we can just see how much he feels, how much he adores Crowley, how much hope he had, how much faith in Heaven, how much determination to do the right thing. How determined he is to keep Crowley safe, to make Crowley smile and laugh, and how much it kills him every time he has to push Crowley away for both of their sakes, or he thinks he has to. You both want to protect that optimism and faith, and also shake him and tell him the truth. But how do we know better than him, a 6000 year old angel? There's so much that we don't know, that may have happened behind the scenes, that's orchestrating his decisions.

Some of you are certain that there is more, that he doesn't still believe that what Heaven offers is genuine, because how could he? I'm also sure that there is more, but can I also offer an alternate idea? Even if there wasn't more, maybe he isn't to blame if he did continue to believe in Heaven's goodness.

We've been in toxic relationships. With friends, partners, family. I know how hard it is to accept that something you love is not worthy of that love. Something you admired is something flawed. Something you would do anything to keep is something you need to push away.

The worst of all, of course, is that time, somewhere in our childhood or teens or adulthood, when a lot of us realise our parent or parents are not heroes. That we don't agree with them. That they were wrong about a lot of things. Because they taught us everything, they were our guides, how could they be wrong? And if we can't believe in them, then what are we supposed to believe in?

Maybe Aziraphale is going through that journey, over all those millennia. Some of us are forced to realise it before we even turn ten, some of us haven't realised it yet, some of us may not ever or may not need to.

Maybe Aziraphale is just a child of God, realising that Heaven, his technical family, is not the Good that not only they but the entire world believes them to be. Everyone says Heaven is good, including a lot of Hell, including a lot of humankind, it's just given. What is Heavenly is good. And Aziraphale wants to be good.

But he's going through that painful journey of realising that good may not be what he was taught, that good comes in many shades and tints and hues. And we can see him do it, we can see him defy Heaven and God, for Crowley or for humans or for himself. He's doing it, and we need to see how it isn't easy for him. Having your entire system of belief deconstructed is painful and awful. And if you were wrong once, how do you know you won't be the next time?

It's hard enough for Crowley, torn between whether he was unworthy or whether Heaven was wrong. Imagine the tumult that Aziraphale goes through, because if Heaven accepts him and Heaven isn't always good, does that mean Aziraphale has been doing it all wrong all his life?

He's going through something that we all go through, and is every bit as relatable as Crowley is. I love them both so much. I'm so glad that there's a third season, to see how that arc closes, to see if maybe they find the answers we're all looking for.

@adverbian and @howmanyholesinswisscheese, I hope this helps? Again, I haven't watched season 2 yet and have a horrible memory since I've been watching season 1 heavily medicated, so this is just from what I know and can tell and headcanon, perhaps.

girl stop i'm rewatching that "you look me in the eye and tell me you want to do this" job scene rn HAND OVER MY MOUTH WHAT IS THIS SEXUAL TENSION

🌙💐

I need to talk about this exchange:

Look at Aziraphale's face and tell me if he was actually talking about real, honest-to-somebody oysters.

That first little 😳 face of his? To me, that screams, "Did this demon just tell me he's never had sex?" Then he flicks his eyes up Crowley's whole body and his microexpressions seem to say, "Oh, dear Lord, he thinks I'm talking about actual oysters."

And then this pretty little angel who just propositioned a demon is probably internally panicking about needing to find actual oysters now because there's no way he can take this virgin to the Roman orgy like he was planning.

And Crowley is over here just as clueless as always.

Credit to @dailyineffablehusbands for the gifs

I found that I haven't posted this here before.

In the warm light of the bookshop, Aziraphale adjusted his bowtie nervously, stealing glances at Crowley, who lounged on the worn-out sofa with a mischievous glint in his eyes. The clock ticked towards midnight, echoing the anticipation in the air.

As the final seconds of the year approached, Crowley smirked, "Fancy a new tradition angel?" And without waiting for a response, he closed the distance between them, capturing Aziraphale's lips in a soft, lingering kiss.

Time seemed to stand still as the world outside erupted into cheers and fireworks. In that stolen moment, amid the smell of old books and the warmth of each other, they found a timeless connection that transcended the turning of the calendar.

Aziraphale seeing Crowley in his Prince of Hell outfit that he looks terrifying, incredibly hot and handsome in:

“Oh no. I guess this is it. We lost. Heaven lost. You must now imprison me and take me to Hell, Crowley. I shall be your 😏loyal servant😏”

“Aziraphale, what the fuck are you doing, he hasn’t even said anything yet!”

“Shut the fuck, Metatron.”

Day 144 of posting Good Omens memes Everyday until Season 3

Random writing thought: the best stories are often the ones that only you could have written — but also the ones that you could only write at this one moment.

I couldn't write All the Birds in the Sky from scratch now if I tried. But the me of 2013 couldn't have written The Prodigal Mother either.