Tonight On The Decks We’ve Got DJ Papal Schism

"no chat i—guys, no! I'm not—I'm not gonna do it. No! Not even—a sn—a Scooby snack? For a.... Haha, well, if it's for..... Okay, for a Scooby snack, i mean—i guess I'll do it for a Scooby snack!"

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

cats are ideal bc they're gods most autistic creatures

this will never not be funny to me

the high wizard in the tower beyond my hamlet is sending powerful psychic attacks my way, but he doesn’t know that i already endure them daily as a twitter user

and ive always said this!!

i think there are some people who say ‘it’s okay to like [xyz thing], but you should critically examine why you like it’, but what they actually mean by that is that your critical examination should lead you to very specific, negative conclusions. a lot of times, an answer along the lines of ‘i have critically examined my taste for [xyz thing], and i’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay’ is treated as unacceptable.

hello skinny internet user. there is a bomb strapped to your chest. in front of you is fanart of a fat character. compliment them without using the words "soft", "huggable", or "cuddly". you have 30 minutes. if you fail to acknowledge fat people as actual human beings and not living teddy bears you will be blown up. the clock is ticking.