Evangelicals Being Like "god Made Men To Do This And Be Like This And Women To Do That And Be Like That

I love watching documentaries about amusement park accidents because all of the park officials are saying, "Oh, dear god, none of us could have anticipated that the roller coaster car would detach, this is a freak accident, an act of god!" and then the narrator is like "The Dicktwister 9000 was a known safety hazard and rabies vector since its inception. It was designed by disgraced Cirque du Soleil clown John Roosters, who had never seen a math textbook."

the older i get (i know i’m still very young fdgvfds) the more i do find myself getting annoyed with teenagers online, but also the more solidified i become in my opinion that making ‘hating teenagers’ a significant part of your personality as an adult is fucking rancid. if you’re a grown-ass adult and you say things like “snot-nosed minors” completely unironically, please gain some perspective. you are talking like a fucking roald dahl villain

The everest chronicles

Yeah I’m an influencer *influences you to kill, maim and destroy*

People who call u without warning for non serious reasons are so scary like if you call me without texting me first im fully assuming you’re in a saw trap or something

he's the funniest person i know