Novembre

talking with americans as a foreigner is wild they’ll ask if you’re familiar with the concept of movie theaters and then 2 sentences later they go what do you mean you don’t have Whataburger in your country

accurate

how staff decisions are made at tumblr

Manager: ok sorry for bringing you all in for a morning meeting but it's kind of urgent

Dave, an australian: its midnight here, fuck you.

Manager: yeah sorry dave. it's just. people have been talking and. we're still short on money.

Moss, already on xeir fourth cup of coffee for the day and tired of everyone's shit: how the fuck are we short on money again.

Edna, who definitely doesn't have a suspicious secret tumblr blog about organ harvesting: have we tried selling everyone's organs?

Manager: thats the fourth time this month you've suggested that, Edna, the answer is still 'no'.

Edna: >:-(

Keith, who is definitely high and has been using his phone instead of paying attention to the meeting: omg... twitter users have to pay eight dollars a month to get verified now lmaoooooo. Hey wait guys you know what would be funny?

programmers, already writing out code: yep, on it.

Manager: and the employee of the month award goes to Keith

Every time I see a bunch of posts from Neil Gaiman on my feed I think, "Neil... you're procrastinating writing again, aren't you"

@cyle the bearded wizard

Sayin a lil' prayer for the Tumblr Infra team, which I assume is two unwashed interns, a reanimated 15th century wizard, and a cron job that's been running since 2009

Bon voyage @brickwhartley!

This is a cool post

OFFICIAL TUMBLR PRESS RELEASE

For Hellsite Eyes only…,

Hello again, Tumblr. Now that our dashboards are back to normal (‘normal’ doing some heavy lifting here), the crabs are back in tropical paradise (for now), and Mr. Brick Whartley is back with them, we felt it was time for reflection.

In his opening statement on April 1, Mr. Whartley, our now-former Head of Viral Marketing and Exponential Growth and Front End Software Developer, outlined his ambition to “...increase clicks across the platform by any means necessary”. Quite the lofty ambition. And this got us thinking—how did we do? And by we, of course, we mean you. Well, you didn’t disappoint, and if you like unnecessarily large numbers, you’re in for a real treat.

By 12:49 pm (PDT)/3:49 pm (EDT), the community had summoned 7.5 million crabs at a rate of 1.07 million crabs per hour. 

By the end of the day, there were 20,000 posts by 14,000 of you with the tag “time for crab.” Time indeed.

The community’s April Fools prank was a resounding success, with more than 52,000 posts from Tumblr users attempting to “crash” this Hellsite by scheduling posts all at the same time. 

Mr. Brick Wharley’s blog accumulated more than 3,000 followers and 12,000 notes, while @staff received nearly 50,000 notes across the day.

Perhaps Mr. Whartley didn’t do such a lousy job. Finally, the most important statistic of the day, the community summoned 25 million crabs across Tumblr on April 1, 2022.

Credit where credit’s due, folks. You did us proud, you did Mr. Whartley proud, and most importantly, you did yourselves proud. So give those index fingers a little rest—they deserve it. And you will need all your strength for April 1, 2023.