[in Rosalie Cullen's Voice] My Monkey Man

so... hypothetically, if i told you i was in the process of writing a hatefuck where reader and dew get off on watching each other get fucked by other people while staring at each other with nothing in their eyes but hate... hypothetically would anyone be interested in reading it?

guys i'm so in love with aurora i want her so bad

NOW OPEN: CHAIRCAT COMMISSIONS

THE BAND GHOST EDITION

Due to a series of illnesses, injuries, vet visits, deaths in the family, and circumstances out of our control, my spouse and I have found ourselves in a very tight financial situation. We have no savings and no family to fall back on. I cannot work due to my disabilities, and my spouse has just severely sprained their ankle. Still, they are forced to go to work anyway because if they miss a single day, they will be fired and we will lose the roof over our heads. We really need help to pay our bills, buy our medicines, and take care of ourselves and our three cats, one of which has developed severe skin allergies that will require treatment for the rest of his life. I'm opening these commissions in the hopes that it will ease some of the seemingly never-ending stress on my spouse and I.

How it works:

Send me a private message with your request (please no asks, as we cannot have much of a discussion that way, though asks of questions or clarifications are encouraged). This can be a full outline, a simple prompt, or anything in between—whatever works best for you. If you are unsure what you want but know you want to commission something, we can talk about it and figure it out together.

We will discuss your request and whether or not I'm open to it, establish pricing and timeframes, and potentially create an outline for longer works. Feel free to specify as much or as little as you want: photos, art, headcanons, preferences in characterizations; no detail is too much. I want to create something that you will be happy with.

Depending on interest and time-zones, it may take me a few hours–a day to get back to you. Please do not spam message me, as that will make me less inclined to approve your request.

Pricing (USD)

$10 for 500 words $15 for 1,000 words $35 for 3,000 words $50 for 5,000 words 5,000+ words–discuss in DMs

You choose the base word count. If I exceed that number for whatever reason, you will NOT be charged extra for it.

There is no limit to number of characters, ships, etc.

If we come to an agreement, payment is required upfront before I begin the work.

For commissions over 3k words, half of the payment will be accepted upfront, and the rest after completion.

Payments may be made through ko-fi, paypal, or venmo

Once I have begun writing, I will not offer refunds unless some sort of emergency occurs in which I cannot finish the work in a timely manner.

Tips are welcome but not required.

What I WILL write:

Papa Emeritus Nihil Papa Emeritus I Papa Emeritus II Papa Emeritus III Cardinal Copia | Papa Emeritus IV Sister Imperator Mary Goore Reader (any gender identity, size, features, age, etc.) OCs (any gender identity, size, features, age, etc.) Any pairings involving any of the above characters Platonic ships Solo character fics (including for OCs and Readers) SFW NSFW (MUST BE 18+)

The Nameless Ghouls are up for discussion, but please be aware I am not very familiar with the fandom's interpretations of them. If you share your characterizations and ideal features with me, I am willing to give it a try.

I also welcome requests for additions to current works or AUs I have on my ao3, but I will be much pickier about those and will not add chapters to the main body of work.

What I will NOT write:

scat vomit force-feeding underage ships (non-sexual underage characters are fine) self-harm suicide incest*

*I WILL accept any AUs in which the Papas are not related

I reserve the right to refuse any request for any reason.

Examples of my work:

ao3: chaircat

It's Just Paint– (General)– Copia x GN!Reader You and Papa Emeritus IV had been together for a few months now. Things were going well, and there had been surprisingly few issues. The two of you simply fit together in a way that made your relationship come easy. The only problem was that you had yet to see his face without the papal paint.

You want my strap, baby?– (Explicit)– Terzo x F!Reader You and Terzo had begun introducing your kinks to each other, and you decided now was as good a time as any to show him your strap. His response was even better than you'd hoped.

Icy Pleasure– (Explicit)– Solo!Copia During an unbearable heatwave, Papa discovers an exciting new way of cooling himself off.

Apologize– (Explicit)- GN!Reader x Copia x Terzo Copia was your sweet pet and Terzo was your brat. One day, Copia decided to act out and you were forced to punish him, while Terzo got to be rewarded for surprisingly good behavior.

idk what's a spoiler anymore so i guess read at your own risk?

guys should we be overthinking the rerelease of zenith right now or no

this is an official invitation to flood my inbox with all your controversial ghost opinions

spoiler?

i would give anything to see HD swissrora content PLEASE like what happened to their shenanigans we heard about. where was swiss in general :(

You can hear them talking?!!! Giggling?!

Bill of Health

I ignore my health like bills, Throwing aside warnings and promising myself to take care of it later, Until the interest outweighs the principle, And the debt collector knocks on my door.