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Sweet Potato Muffins with Blueberries 

Do more shit, get more opportunities.

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances, be more active, show up more often.”

— Brian Tracy

People Are Angrily Tweeting At Mike Pence Over His $250,000 NFL Game “Publicity Stunt”

feeling when entering a store

walmart- paranoia

7/11- certainty

target- home

super target- your estranged aunt’s home

macy’s- smugness

Home Depot- loss

whole foods- the kale feeling

CVS- the all knowing eye of God

dunkin donuts- a lady yelling at me in a brooklyn accent

walgreens- grandpa’s firm hand shake

costco- endurance

There’s nothing more obnoxious than a stupid person with confidence.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN READING THIS FOR MONTHS NOW I GET IT