Daddy 101

Anonymous wrote:

Hi! I’ve been really confused about something so I was hoping you could help. My daddy has been really distant lately, not texting for days when we can’t see each other and when we do see each other it just seems like he wants to get in my pants….which is fine but I haven’t been able to be little for ages now because every time I find myself slipping and I tell him, he just ignores it and makes me worry that he doesn’t want to take care of me. But he told me he did so….I don’t know. I just feel bad for even bothering him most of the time, and the last thing I want to do is be little around him if it bothers him. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. You probably won’t read this and that’s okay, but thank you anyway!!

Little space can be something of a mystery to most Doms and Daddy‘s… And perhaps it’s because little space is different for each and every little who goes into it. What works for some does not work for others, and the way that one conducts themselves in little space can be completely different from another.

However there are a few commonalities in a little space and how to get your little into it, how to provide it for her, and how to nurture and grow it. But let’s not put the cart before the horse, and begin where we should… At the beginning.

Little space in relation to regression

Therapists and psychoeducators have been using regression therapy for ages in order to figure things out about their patients. The art of psychoanalysis goes all the way back to Sigmund Freud who really mastered the technique and saw in his patients that using hypnotherapy could cause them to be able to re-count past traumas and memories in order to resolve those things. What he also figured out is that by implementing this form of therapy, his patients would “time travel” mentally and emotionally… regressing and becoming stuck in those pockets of time. Their behavior and headspace or state of mind often being there as well as they did so.

Regression therapy specialists believe that we have three states of mind, and that certain events or memories can be stored in the states that we cannot access on our own… so with the proper kind of attention and assistance, those states of mind can be opened up, memories can be accessed, and parts of our past life are allowed to come to the surface.

This form of therapy and the methods used to achieve it all involves providing a relaxed and safe space.

It’s not much different in our lifestyle. Whether it is subspace, little space, or any other kind of headspace or state of mind, the submissive needs to feel relaxed… Safe… And above all, that they can trust you.

One of the most common things that I would hear from Littles who struggle to find their little space is that they cannot rely on their daddy or Dom to get them there, and those who are single cannot find it themselves. Or they end up going so long that they feel that they are either not little anymore or that they have simply lost their little side.

With enough prying and the proper questions however, I soon and usually come to find out that it has more to do with stress… being busy… current life events, and other high pressure or unsafe things that are happening at the time.

To make it simple… They do not have a safe space in order to find that part of themselves.

Most commonly, Littles will regress in some form to find their little space and most Littles have a “little age.” Now notice that I said most and most commonly.

Because there is a certain portion of our community that is simply in it for the kink. There is a certain portion who age play, and they do not get into the mental or emotional aspect of that part of the lifestyle. They might just simply enjoy acting out the parts and fantasizing in their own way.

So with all of that in mind, the main point is that the Dom or Daddy in the relationship has to be able to provide that safety and security in order to guide his submissive to find their proper headspace.

In the same way… a single submissive must be able to eliminate the stress and what not of their lives in order to be able to claim that space properly.

When we do not feel safe, we cannot relax. Without being able to relax, we cannot allow ourselves to let go. And without being able to let go we will not be able to feel enough contentment to be able to enjoy that part of ourselves.

Understand where little space comes from

As we grow in life our brain is constantly evolving and growing with us up to a certain age. Along the way through our developmental years, certain things can happen to us that alter the course of our brain or even affect it in such a way as to get it hung up or stuck on certain times and events.

Those who suffer from great depression often use these events and times to capitalize and maximize their faults and failures while piling everything from blame to wrath upon themselves.

Someone who has a major trauma event may keep that event stored at the forefront of their mind and revisit it often… Thus keeping themselves from making personal progress.

I say all of that in order to say this: it is my belief that a littles “little age” is a block of time that sits somewhere near a major shock or hard change event in their life. Their little space exists somewhere just before an event of great change or trauma or likewise. It exists in a time just before because that is the last time that they felt truly innocent or safe in life. Perhaps it’s the death of a family member, a sexual trauma, or any number of things that made a sudden and large dramatic impact on their lives.

On the flipside, it can also be a time in life that existed before a long string of abuse. This could be mental, physical, emotional or a combination… Domestic violence, perhaps a creepy uncle, the list is endless but you get the point.

So in understanding where your Littles little space comes from, you are better able to understand what first created it… And then what triggers it as well. In parallel to those things, you are also able to be more properly educated and able to handle the things that caused it to begin with…

Have you ever noticed your little shut down or go quiet or revert to a negative head space after something simple and ambiguous that you did? They can’t explain it to you… And you can’t figure out why.

It may be that you are committing a behavior that makes them feel either unsafe or that was traumatizing for them in the past and they cannot verbally express that to you because they end up hyper regressing in that moment.

Your little needs their little space just as much as she does that therapy spanking that you like to give her.

Think in your own life the things that allow you to relax outside of your relationship. Perhaps you like to play video games, perhaps you play cards with your friends, maybe it’s camping on the weekends or your bowling league… Whatever the activity or mood or moment, these are things that allow you to relax, blow off steam, and ultimately reset yourself.

Little space is no different for the little.

They not only crave the space, but they actually need it in order to feel complete and themselves. Otherwise you may end up finding some frustrating consequences and circumstances on your hands if you as the dominant are not able to provide this for them.

And I know that you’ve heard me say that a couple of times now… That you provide it. And because that’s the way it is.

As the dominant in their life, they depend on you to be the pillar of stability and everything that is safe and sacred in their lives. They give you their submission and in return expect that you will keep them safe and protect them among other things… That you will provide their needs, whether it be in making their decisions, choosing their clothing and so on… which includes giving them the absolute safest of care possible.

The onus is on you not only to provide the space but to recognize when it’s needed without them having to ask. How you come to that conclusion is really up to how your relationship ebbs and flows.

For some, little space can be sexual.

And there is a long-standing debate within the community as to whether little space should include sexual aspects and activities or not. But if you get to the root of the issue, some Littles get sexual in their little space because their little space was triggered by a sexual trauma to begin with.

Where things get stigmatized, skewed, and twisted out of control by those who are ignorant and uneducated is that they see our lifestyle as pedophilia, or sick or whatever because of the kink and Age play aspect of it… and the way it’s portrayed in media and pornography. But what’s to be understood is that most of those who are serious and active in the community recognize that their submissive is an adult and in no way shape or form would they see them otherwise. I’m not saying that the creeps out there don’t exist… They certainly do, but I don’t believe that they would last very long in a real ddlg kink community.

This is very much an adult lifestyle, that features adult kink, with adults who are participating in adult activities… and there is no place for children or those who are attracted to them.

I am also not at all a fan of mixing sexual activity with little space. I do not believe that it is good for either of the people in the relationship, nor do I believe that it is healthy for any kind of self evolution in the little. But that’s just my opinion and a matter of debate no matter who is talking about it.

Little space should be a safe place of refuge where your little can freely express herself and be who she is without fear of dark clouds, worry, anxiety and so on… it should be a place where that sweet tender caregiver side of your daddy space is allowed to shine through and and appropriately wrap your little up in an emotional, mental and sometimes physical blanket of security and love.

Thank you for reading and enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others who need it.

Further education:

The new daddy dom survival kit part one: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182659779408/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part

part two: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182633415838/ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-2-previously-in-our

part three: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182608439803/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-one-i-often

the consequences of neglect: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182582298108/daddy-101-the-consequence-of-neglect-and-now-we

The safe word: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/177835509358/mistersbeard-ddlg-101-the-safe-word-today-in.- Mister

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Listen to the beard, bows and BDSM podcast on spotify or wherever you enjoy fine podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/63aNShbd4hVN4eBkwJtwz9

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I think a lot of Doms or “Doms” if you will... look at the concept of ownership in the lifestyle as though it were some kind of status. As if one takes great status for “owning” their submissive as though they were a collectible or a trophy on their mantle.... a head mounted to a plate on the wall...

And there’s much lugubriousness in displaying yourself in such a way.

To consider that ownership means you treat that which is yours as some kind of trinket or novelty object, it’s detestable at its core.

True ownership in this lifestyle?

It’s taking control of your maturity. Is owning not someone as property, but owning up to your shortcomings and limitations and not compensating by abusing another individual either physically, mentally, emotionally or all three.

It’s realizing what an incredible responsibility it is to actually care for someone else and grow them when you recognize they can’t do it on their own... and not only being there for them when they’re obedient, but also navigating your own patience, strength and willpower when they’re not.

It’s about wearing the very heavy albeit sacred and prestigious mantle as their owner, master, caregiver, Dom etc...and realizing not that it was your right to have it, but that it was graciously given to you as a sign of their trust in you.... trust that says “when I’m sad they will be there.”.... “when I’m hurting they will make it better”.... “when the monsters come, they will be my knight in shining armor and chase them away”... that mantle isn’t some kind of status you brag about in locker rooms as though you’d triumphed in some kind of conquest ... it’s not a notch in your belt... is the highest rank you could hold, given to you by a queen who sometimes feels like a peasant who needs a hero.

It’s not taken by you... it’s chosen for you by one who designated you out of all others to be their lighthouse in a raging dark sea called life.

If you only drive the car and never wash it... never polish it... never clean it or check it’s fluids or fill it with what it needs to move forward... if you constantly crash it or ding it... if you leave it parked in the rain with the windows down... if you only use it when you feel like... ignore it... abuse it... or treat it like less than it’s worth.... it’s not going to last you very long. Because ownership is about so much more than simply turning a key and expecting it to do everything you want it to do.

Ownership is not about calling yourself daddy... or master.. or sir or Dom...

It’s about BEING those things. Fulfilling expectations. Owning up to your mistakes. Realizing your limitations.... taking control of yourself in mind, body and spirit... and loving someone with the utmost of your ability and being while guiding, growing, providing safety and security and being the example for that other person.

Thank you for enjoying this post. Feel free to re-blog it for others to also benefit from. Also be sure to check out my personal links below and perhaps subscribe. Thank you.

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