The Role Of The Dominant

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Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: RULES.

One of the most basic core elements of a relationship in this lifestyle comes in the form of having a rules list.... And it should seem pretty simple to put together, right?

One would be surprised at how many times recently that I have been approached with a question about this simple concept. I have spoken about it all in posts before regarding other subjects, but I have not have a dedicated post about it until now.

So, let’s dive right in and examine ways in which you can implement rules into your relationship… Why you need them… And why they are important.

Why are rules important?

One of the largest things that your little desires and craves in the relationship is structure. You are the pillar of strength and stability in their life, and as such they look to you for all things in keeping structure in place while providing them discipline and safety.

So when there is a lack of rules, it can end up causing the feeling of a lack of purpose. And with the lack of purpose... frustrations and other problems can end up manifesting within their lives and the relationship as a whole.

In society we have common rules that keep us all disciplined and in line. Don’t drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t punch random people on the street, don’t eat something if it’s been on the floor for more than five seconds… All of our societal rules are in place to provide us as human beings with structure, stability, and overall discipline to keep us safe and secure.

In the same way… Rules in your relationship provide the necessary elements to keep your little happy and healthy.

Pre-disposed issues

As a daddy or Dom, your submissive will ultimately end up coming to you with some kind of pre-disposed issues or problems in their life. There is a lot of psychological and mental things that I could get into but at the end of the day and skipping all of that, you just have to realize that as the authority figure in their life in whatever form or fashion you are, they need you to guide them and help them along the way.

So as you go to put together some of your rules, there are a few key elements that are general to almost every little, submissive, and relationship.

Littles often have trouble with the following;

- remembering to eat or drink enough water.

- Remembering to brush their teeth and their hair, proper hygiene

- Remembering to take their medication

- Remembering to clean up after themselves

- Keeping a proper bedtime

- Being on time for things like work and school and appointments

- Speaking politely to people along with proper grammar and dictation

- Dressing themselves well

These are some of the most common issues and problems that they face, so it’s very easy to fashion rules around those things if they feel that they need to do so.

Things like setting bedtimes, setting times to eat, deciding how many ounces of water to drink per day, how many times per day they should bathe or shower, what times they are allowed to do certain things… All of these can translate into things that will provide them with structure, while allowing you to be dominant over them while improving their lives and watching them evolve.

Some of these require your active involvement and some of them merely become passive routines. Either way they both can be done in such a way that creates an intimacy in your relationship and allows the two of you to become closer.

Whatever you end up deciding in terms of rules… They need to be mutually agreed-upon and discussed. You should always have a reason why, and it should always be something that creates a bigger benefit for your submissive than it does for you.

Now that’s not to say you can’t have some rules that are for fun…

One very common rule that many use in their lifestyle relationship is no self pleasure without permission.

Now you ask me what the benefit is in that… So allow me to explain.

Certain rules and elements can be set up to create a Pavlovian environment.

The concept of Pavlov‘s dog, or really any kind of actions that are involved in training creatures involves a system of performance and reward. Scientists and researchers have long studied creatures and their behaviors in regards to being triggered by certain stimuli… Pavlov‘s dog found that every time it heard a certain stimuli like a ringing bell or the footsteps of his masters assistant… The dog knew that it was time for them to be fed.

I have two dogs which I trained to know the feeding time comes two times a day with a certain action. My life being a routine as it is, the dogs have come to recognize my actions and acclimate their behavior to them. They now automatically get into place and sit down next to each other and wait for a command… Which doesn’t even have to be verbal at this point.

The dogs conduct themselves according to what they have been trained and accustomed to do, and in turn .... they get a reward.

(And by no means am I associating your submissive as a dog, multiple studies and scenarios like this have been done on humans as well)

I once had a sub who even a year or so after we had parted, admitted to me that to that day the sound of jingling keys would trigger her to sit up straight, place her hands together, emotionally gain confidence.... and become turned on and wet.

This was because during our time together I wore a large ring of keys that I modified to jingle with every movement I made... and I always wore them when we were together. After a certain time, she psychologically tuned into and began to associate the sound of the keys to the actions and environment she was in... and subconsciously acted accordingly when the sound would come

The main point of seeing all that is to provide the concept that action often ends up creating reaction.

Back to the no pleasure without permission rule: a submissive who has to ask to pleasure themselves will find comfort in being told that they’re allowed to and then extra comfort in the gratification that comes afterwards.

They will actually end up looking forward to asking for permission in order to be able to get what they want, because it creates a structure in their life… And then the reward of pleasuring themselves which in turn also satisfies their Dom, is up making that gratification even more so valuable to them.

In a similar fashion you can implement rules like bathroom or potty time. The act of having to ask to go potty and then the passive micro dominance that follows can be beneficial to both people in the relationship. The dominant gets to control the action, and the submissive gets to fulfill a request.

How I do it: when the submissive asks to go potty, I look at the clock and round up to the nearest quarter. If they don’t have to go that bad at the moment, make it the nearest half hour. The psychological effects alone are beautiful in and of themselves. It gives the Dom control, and it sets a rule all in itself for the sub. Now in addition to needing to pee, and having had to ask, they now have to meet a time requirement while dealing with their discomfort. Stay away from number two though... and stay away from this rule if they have a history of UTI problems.

Things the rules should never interfere with;

- Family. Whenever it comes to a family event or some thing involving the submissive’s family, you should absolutely not interfere in that. Keeping the safety in your submissive’s life is priority number one and anything that you do the compromises that will end in disaster.

- Their work. In a similar fashion as family you cannot interfere in their work or set a rule that would cause them to get in trouble at work or lose their job.

- Their health. You should never do anything or implement a rule that causes them to feel shameful about their body, or that would harm them in some kind of way. Making your submissive starve or eat something that’s dangerous or something of that like his cruelty and abusive.

- And as I said, rules should be talked about and mutually agreed-upon. Ultimately your submissive knows what’s best for them, and your rules should be set up in a way in which helps them to grow and become better.... while keeping in mind that they may be changed, deleted, or otherwise modified later according to needs..

Enforcement

One of the larger reasons that a relationship ends up failing is due to the consequences of neglect and frustration. These things come because of the lack of enforcement of the rules by the dominant in the relationship.

As stated before, structure is one of the biggest things that submissive desires with in the relationship and if the person who is in charge of them begins to fail in providing that when it’s expected, the submissive will begin acting up and causing problems which is the harbinger of disaster. Before you know it... you’ve made your once lovely and obedient submissive into a brat.

So to put it simply… If you do not plan on putting in the effort to continuously enforce and keep up with making sure that your submissive is adhering to and following the rules, don’t set them in the first place and don’t get yourself into this type of relationship.

Someone who sets of rules and then does not enforce them is equal to someone who abuses someone. Because an expectation of structure and then a lack of structure causes emotional and mental anguish… Which then in turn causes an effect on the submissive for lengths of time well beyond what your relationship will last.

It also removes their trust in you, their respect for you, and their obedience to you.

A submissive who has structure and stability in their life ends up being a happy submissive… And a happy submissive equals a happy dominant.

Just don’t be surprised if they purposely break a rule every now and again... it’s not them being mean, it’s them giving you a wake up call and saying pay attention.

Thank you for enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others to benefit from.

- Mister

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