nonex-on-the-way - I'm a punny excuse for a human
I'm a punny excuse for a human

237 posts

Latest Posts by nonex-on-the-way - Page 4

11 months ago

Aperture Science Announcement Voice: “Congratulations, Homosexual! Your existence has been deemed profitable in the following regions: North America, Western Europe, and Australia.”

“To celebrate the occasion we have temporarily recolored all Aperture Science appliances in these regions to your favorite flavor of gay.”

“For further pandering on a wider area please continue fighting for basic human dignities and Aperture Science will be right there to celebrate your victory with you. Afterwards.”

11 months ago
11 months ago
nonex-on-the-way - I'm a punny excuse for a human
1 year ago

Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

1 year ago

I'm gonna cry, it's so cute

Tippy taps

1 year ago
1 year ago

i’ve mentioned this here before, but it will remain one of the most ideologically influential experiences of my life: when i was in fifth grade i did a report on post traumatic stress as manifested in veterans of the vietnam war, and my father did me the huge favor of connecting me w/ a vietnam vet friend of his who was diagnosed with PTSD, assuring him that while i was only ten i was bright and curious and he should be as honest with me about his experience as possible. 

i remember entering his office with my tape recorder, sitting in a chair that was too big, and asking him questions about war, and his life after war, while swinging my legs over the edge of the chair. i remember being very, very quiet as he spoke of pulling the car over on the highway for fear of crashing when his hands would shake uncontrollably in response to song on the radio or a smell that he couldn’t be sure was real or sense-memory. and of ruined relationships and anger and american hypocrisy. 

and i also remember that was the day i learned what “valor” meant. he used “valor” in a sentence and i didn’t know that word, and when i asked him to explain “valor” he became very quiet. and i can’t remember precisely what he said, if he ever offered me the dictionary definition or not, but i do remember him looking very sad, and saying something about our country’s idea of “valor”, and also something about a broken promise. and there was an edge to his words that i couldn’t parse at the time that i would later come to understand was bitterness, that he sounded bitter. 

to this day i can’t hear or read the word “valor” without seeing sunlight coming through his office window at a slant, close-to-sunset light, and feeling the kind of quiet, confused, completely internalized panic a child feels when they sense that a grown up is trying very hard not to weep in their presence. 

1 year ago

The cube...

Made a quick breakdown of the GeccTecc™

1 year ago

Not today apparently :)

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

Click one

X X

X X

X X

1 year ago
1 year ago

"Hey Miku (our dog's name)"

"..." (Stare in a "what the fuck did you just call me?" way)

I’m Right And I Should Say It

I’m right and I should say it

1 year ago

This little asshole keeps getting into a bird feeder, so we need to test how small is *too* small

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

3 inch opening: no problem

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

2.75 inch opening: Easy

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

2.5 inch opening: doing fine

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

2.25 inch opening: Bit of a struggle, but as Mr Meeseeks says: CAAAN DOO!

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

2 inch opening: Alright, lets try chewing the opening a bit, As long as we get the nuts into the mouth (huhuhu) we good I guess…

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

Uh-oh… Steve is getting greedy

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

:insert grunts of effort here:

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

Taking a break…

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

The guy who made the original video decided after a long struggle to help Steve out.

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

A New Challenger approaches!

1.75 inchs: Quote Mr Meseeks: “OOOHHH HE’S TRYING”

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

GIMME GIMME GIMME

This Little Asshole Keeps Getting Into A Bird Feeder, So We Need To Test How Small Is *too* Small

He ends up giving up.

Source: Chris Notap - Squirrel ● literally ● bites off more than he can chew ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS4ach0CwN4

via imgur

1 year ago

i watched My Neighbor Totoro for the first time, here's my chronological viewing experience:

woo-hoo! dusty old japanese house with japanese architectural details aplenty

these kids got some ENERGY my goodness

family dynamic's adorable. peak quality dad humor

kids: our house is haunted. parents: that's so cool!

hell yeah, wrinkled old lady rep. we need more friendly old women with potato faces and warts like storybook witches. the backbone of society, these ladies

Plot Summary: Small Child Bothers Local Wildlife

sacred tree sacred tree sacred tree

Introducing Totoro! nobody said this fucker's got TEETH???

Uh-Oh! Inadequate Parental Supervision Detected

(you misplaced your four year old! you're not supposed to do that)

4-year-old: i met a magic forest spirit. dad: oh shit fr?

4-year-old: *angrily hugs sister* missed u bitch

this small child has a smile like a toad. like a really really cute toad. like the cutest toad in all existence. i love her she's perfection please just let this child be happy

rice paddies are so pretty....so back breaking....rice is such a prissy crop

*my crush is stranded in a rainstorm* takethisumbrellait'syoursnowBYE *runs away in panic im so good at flirting*

Giant Chinchilla Learns To Hold Umbrella, Is Fucking Delighted By Experience

take this, it will help you on your quest! *hands u trail mix wrapped in a leaf*

LO-FI HIP HOP STUDY LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crouching down to peer at dirt--A++ top notch foundational childhood experience

mom has a big ass forehead

honey! the chinchillas are performing Rituals in the backyard again

help yeah let's jack and the bean stalk this shit

huh so we're all just climbing aboard the giant chinchilla's tiddies now ok

class trip!

the pure adrenaline of Vegetable Gardening

no! the small child is crying! she is bawling her eyes out. no no no. i can't cope with this. emotionally i cannot cope 🥺🥺🥺

i've only had Mei one hour but if anything happens to her i will raze this earth and everyone on it

please someone make this small child smile again

oh no the tall child is crying too

i can't take this. my heart can't take this.

i need a drink

small child running determined to deliver magic veggies to the hospital. this kid is my hero

she is also unsupervised. so, so unsupervised

babe you are FOUR

godDAMMIT ghibli, you cannot give me watercolor sunsets while a small child is missing. u are killing me. my heart is giving out. this is me, experiencing heart failure.

Totoro to the rescue!

no wait CATBUS to the rescue!

i admit i initially thought the cat was a creep. alice in wonderland prejudiced me. i have revised my notions of smiling cats

i've decided the cat is a metaphor for the magic of a robust public transport system

MEI'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and so is mom. she's a lovely lady im sorry for what i said about her forehead. it's a noble forehead.

happy ending YES bitch!!!!!!

ok. ok ok ok. that was magical.

(as a first-time adult viewer i was worried i wouldn't be able to Access the Magic. but i could and i did and it was incredible. that was culture. that was ART. joy distilled into animated form. holy rites of childhood. i understand now. how glorious, this world we grow out of. how full of marvels. i'm going outside to smell grass and sun and get dirt under my fingernails. miraculous.)

1 year ago

Accessibility tip:

If you want to automate your home a bit, but you don't want any "smart" tech, you can just buy remote controlled power sockets instead

Accessibility Tip:

They are a lot cheaper and easier to set up and use than some home automation smart tech nonsense

They don't need an app (but some models come with optional apps and there are apps that are compatible with most of these)

Many of them use the 433mhz frequency to communicate, which makes most models compatible with each other, even if they are from different manufacturers

The tech has been around for a long time and will be around for a long time to come

You don't have to put any fucking corporate listening devices like an amazon echo in your home

Models for outdoors exist as well

1 year ago

People should use this text embellishment more

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

1 year ago
1 year ago

im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to 

image

spiderman dances to the beat

no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour

1 year ago

what.

i cant get over the king charles portrait. they made that thing to age in his place. that painting hangs in the house of a too-friendly family you find in the post apocalyptic wasteland who inexplicably has a ready supply of fresh meat. if mario jumped into that painting he wouldn't find a charming platformer he would be flayed and hanged like a medieval criminal by an unseeable force in a droning red void. that painting is a color blindness test for people who work in IT but believe in the divine right of kings. that painting is going to weep the sequel to blood. after he dies charles is gonna crawl outta that thing like sadako.

1 year ago
A twitter thread from @WavePrism_, imitating an "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" Episode. This first post has a blurry screencap of Robotnik screaming at the camera, and it is captioned: "You two absolutely bionic boneheads BETTER make sure my glorrrious, giGANTIC X stays errrrected atop the roof! And you better ensure that it flashes enough times for all of those idiotic Mobians to have their eyeballs melted into puddles! GOT IT?"
Two photos, one of the X logo that only lasted a day, the other of Scratch and Grounder fighting. Scratch (presumably) says "YOU DOLT! HE SAID WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LET IT FLASH LIKE THIS!"

Grounder: "nuh uh! how do you think they're gonna know that's an X when you can't even see it?"

Scratch: "OHHHH, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!"
A photo of Sonic in disguise, talking to a fooled Scratch and Grounder. He says, "Hey there, dumbbots! I'm from the local inspection team, and I'm hearin' nothing but high praise for how inconvenient the constant strobing is, especially at night! Would you like some quick cash for me to place that X in a more upclose and personal area?"

Scratch (presumably) says, "MOOLAH! SURE CAN DO!"
Sonic smirking at the camera. "Hah! Those two are so easy to convince. Now to send this X straight into the sun!"
A photo of the X logo having been removed from the twitter building.
A final screenshot of Robotnik screaming at Scratch and Grounder, cartoonishly leaping in the air and making them fly backwards. The caption reads, "WHAT THE FUCK"

saving this twitter thread here bc there's no way this site is lasting to the end of the year and this needs to be preserved

[op is @jungle-golf here and this was reposted with permission! thank you autumn for this gift of a thread <3]

1 year ago
Man, I Love Looking At Classified Government Documents

Man, i love looking at classified government documents

1 year ago

This video made me cry so I wanted to put it here

1 year ago

Porn without plot 😂

1 year ago

GUYS. DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN WRITE CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE FICS ON AO3

1 year ago

Hearing them get so excited over the whale fall is so fun I love hearing people who are passionate about their work

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