But What If,,, What If Humans Aren’t The Only Hold My Beer Species.

I will not let my brood mother perish

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

Alien/Human Interactions

-Aliens seeing how many times humans declare war on each other throughout history and thinking that humans enjoy war as some sort of sport or spectacle -Aliens coming into possession of human sci-fi horror films and being worried that their human companions are afraid of them -Aliens coming into possession of positive human representations of aliens and forming huge crushes on Mr. Spock and ET -Aliens first discovering humans through stray TV broadcasts of the Brady Bunch, Grease, and other vintage tv shows. Intergalactic fashion suddenly shifts to favor clothing similar to 50s greaser jackets and sweaters -Aliens falling in love with human fashion and parading around in poorly applied makeup (the said aliens watched dozens of tutorials on YouTube), bonus points if the alien is traditionally masculine looking. “I look like your human goddess Beyonce and you cannot convince me otherwise, human Steve.” -Aliens falling in love with human languages and printing human words all over their clothing like Americans do with French words. However, they often mix up the languages by picking and choosing which words they like the best, so the phrases turn out like “C'est good, nyet?” -Aliens relating more to neurodivergent people because of how their brains work, bonding with humans over different strengths and weaknesses -Aliens seeing all the ways humans go thrill-seeking (rollercoasters, skydiving, bungee-jumping, water slides) and scolding their humans for putting themselves in danger oN PURPOSE -Aliens tasting spicy foods for the first time and and scolding their humans for eating FIRE -Aliens being worried that their human love interests find them unattractive and trying different things to look more human -Aliens being confused by human daydreaming and infant “pretending”. Why would humans want to be anything else? They are already perfect. -Aliens having the same weird fantasy of being “abducted” and “probed” by humans that we have of them -Aliens having weird 70s style videos on “Human Etiquette”, with incredibly inaccurate info on how humans actually act -Aliens first coming into contact with dogs and animals because we sent those into space first, assuming that humans are the same and attempting to placate them with tummy rubs and rubs behind the ears

This does not seem right. Why would your species treat people who live in an area worse than those who are sometimes there?

The housing epidemic in Hawai’i has reached an all time fucking low.

Let me tell you a little story.

My landlord informed me that he’s in trouble with the building permitting office, and because I have a perfect rental history he wants to relocate me (with my husband and two kids) to another property. I’m like okay fine, I’ll go look at it.

But then I get there … and it’s literally a concrete slab with walls and cheap windows.

This piece of shit had:

No front door

No floor (just raw concrete)

No walls or insulation

No kitchen

No bathroom, shower, or toilet

No septic tank

No electricity

No water or catchment

They want $825 a month

I asked when they were going to finish the cabin. They said it was already done, and we would have to pay for everything else out of pocket.

Is this illegal? Probably. But in my area, there are over 800 displaced residents who are looking for rentals due to the Kīlauea volcano. Someone will probably be desperate enough to take this offer, but not me.

This is the type of housing conditions natives and Hawai’i locals are dealing with so foreigners can have their Air BnBs, vacation rentals, and retirement cabins. So rich politicians can have a second or third home somewhere tropical.

Not greeting someone this way is a sleight to their honor.

Whenever I see a post on tumblr suggesting aliens don’t have gender, I always think–‘but what if also the reverse. What if aliens also have some fundamental social construct we don’t’.

Like, they come and meet us and they’re like ‘hey this is an awkward question but what’s your gooblebygark?’

And we’re like what.

‘You know, the… the thing. Your goobledygark. The thing that dictates whether you’re gnarfgnoovles or brubledoopes’

What. What. What the fuck, those words don’t even mean anything??? What are you talking about?

‘Look, your ridiculous human languages don’t seem to have the words for these! But they’re totally a thing, they’re like, fundamental aspects of social life for our species, just… just let us lick you so we can know what verb tense to use when we speak to you.’

What does one thing have to do with the other??? That makes no–

‘UGH, nevermind, you’re totally brubledoopes, I can just tell, I don’t even need to taste your bacterial skin colonies.’

And then another alien overhears and is like ‘holy shit, you can’t stereotype like that, that’s SO NOT COOL’

‘yeaH BUT THEY WON’T LET ME LICK THEM’

Okay, so like how when sheep/kids baaa at you and you baaa back and they all baaa again?? How would aliens react is if a human on their mission started making the creatures noise back at them until they all doing it.

Well…

The mission was fairly simple in Grutona’s mind: follow the tracks of certain creatures and use environmental clues to discern aspects of the creature’s lifestyle and needs. The group had been following the large, octagonal shaped prints of a swutonaton for the past several standard hours, and up to this point, they still hadn’t actually encountered the beast.

Good. Grutona was not keen on being eaten alive today, which would surely be the result of disturbing the beast. Protocol on the mission was to leave should contact be breached with any species that was not fully documented.

However, there was one member of the team that made Grutona worry. Maria seemed to take things like Protocol as more of a… guideline. Already today Maria had disregarded rules about eating wild tree fruit claiming “they have these on my planet, don’t worry!” Grutona did worry. Especially when Maria added: “Besides, they’re delicious.” Grutona knew what type of treefruit Maria was eating, and xhe was skeptical of the claim. These deadly fruits humans called “lemons” were HIGHLY acidic and sour. On xer home world, a fruit like that would be used by deadly criminals as a poison.

Needless to say, having a human on the crew had been an eye-opening, mind-boggling experience. Grutona was learning more about universal cultures on this mission than ever before, that was for certain.

It was a few more minutes of walking along the path, Grutona taking note of the way the plant life was smashed down to the side of the path of the tracks as if the swutonaton had stopped for a time and rested.

“Ah, so it appears swutonaton are a restful breed, and likely a predator species as evident by their choice location being one leaving them so vulnerable.” Kerip, another member of the team, said this clinically, xis eyes dilating further as his species was wont to do in order to get a magnified look at things. As he was examining he spoke to his partner, Bepin who recorded xis observations on a datapad.

There was a noise further down the trail, strangely like a yawn. Grutona looked over cautiously. Maria was gone. Grutona frowned and made toward the sound hoping it was just Maria doing some sort of human thing xhe was unfamiliar with and not the beast hiding in the plant life beyond planning an attack on the mission crew.

But when had luck ever been on Grutona’s side?

As xhe rounded the bend in the trail xhe was met with the horrifying sight. Xhe would have screamed if it were a characteristic of xer race. Instead, xhe stood there in shock.

Maria stood in front of the creature they were tracking all right. The only thing was, the team was entirely wrong about what they thought they were following here. They had assumed the animal was very large, at least nine or ten times the actual size of the creatures in front of them now. And creatures they were. There were at least fifteen of these creatures and they were all piled atop one another, drooling heavily, spiked tails and trunks laying anywhere. 

“I’d definitely call this a dog-pile.” Maria chuckled, completely unconcerned at the reality that basically everything they had assumed about these creatures was wrong. Maria turned to look at Grutona, eyes gleaming in mischief. “Guess we were wrong about the elephant-sized animal with forty pig-sized feet, huh?” Grutona said nothing, still reeling. They needed to leave, Protocol demanded it, and they needed to go soon before more of the creatures woke up as one was doing now.

“Hey, look! They’re starting to wake up! They’re so cute!” Maria took another step closer to them, making cooing noises as Grutona watched in horror as more of the swutonatons started to rouse. Footsteps behind xer alerted xer to the rest of the team arriving to the scene finally. 

There was a moment of stunned silence before an exasperated sound came from Bepin and Kerip started mumbling in astonishments about all the things they had wrongly ascertained. 

“We should leave,” a voice of reason finally called from the back of the group: Teriwald, the ranked officer from the ship who had been tasked with “protecting the scientists” on the expedition.

Grutona found xer voice again, finally. “You’re–”

There was a sudden, loud sound from the pile of creatures “Meeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrm.”

“Okay, that was the greatest thing I’ve ever heard,” Maria was watching the herd of swutonaton with complete adoration in her gaze. Grutona had been warned to be wary of humans when they assumed a look like this one. There was no telling what kind of things they might do next. 

Whatever Grutona had expected, it was not what Maria did next. Maybe xhe thought she would have started running in circles around the group or walk over and touch one, but xhe certainly did not predict that  Maria would raise her arms in imitation of a swutonaton trunk and repeat the noise back at them in perfect imitation. “Meeeeeeeerrrrrm!”

“What are you doing, we need to go!” Teriwald reminded in an increasingly demanding tone. 

“Calm down, Waldo, we’re fi–” Maria was cut off by several cries of the swutonaton calling back at her.

“Meeeeeerrrm!” 

“Oh, this is too good!” More of the swutonaton had stirred now, and they were climbing off of each other and standing in a herd before Maria who laughed and made the noise again. 

“Meeeerrrm!”

“MEEEEEEEEERRRRRM!!!” The entire herd of seventeen (Grutona had counted in xer moments of horror earlier) swutonaton were now calling back at Maria’s prompting. 

Nobody on the team said anything as they all watched in rapt attention Maria and the herd of swutonaton yell at each other for the next ten standard minutes. 

Humans, Grutona concluded, still half horrified, are weird.

Willow and Tara from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

CANON GAY COUPLES

(please reblog and add more!)

Rachel and Luce from Imagine Me And You

Waverley and Haught from Wynonna Earp

Magnus and Alec from Shadowhunters

Billy and Teddy from Young Avengers, Marvel

Ruby and Sapphire from Steven Universe

Mitch and Cameron from Modern Family

Holt and Kevin from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Isak and Even from Skam

Emily and Naomi from Skins UK

Alex and Maggie from Supergirl

Stef and Lena from The Fosters

my new years resolution is to own one of these

Humans are crazy and can do things that sometimes shouldn’t be physically or realistically possible. We relish the chance to break new barriers, to prove someone wrong, to spit in the face of reason and say screw it all for the sake of seeing if we CAN make it work.

But.

The lengths we will go to to avoid doing things we just DONT like? We’ll give away even our most valuable resources. Strike deals with devils hundreds of times over. Employ extreme avoidance tactics. Even go to the point of begging on our knees for aid in avoiding the action. Cousins bargain away their most cherished rations, memorabilia and even monetary items to get out of sitting by that one relative at dinner. Siblings sell themselves to each other for labor, snacks and sole rights to consoles and transportation to get an alibi for a few short hours. Humans will scour every inch of their living quarters and tackle every project in their command in under 24 hours JUST to avoid that load of laundry in the dryer, or that single research paper on the Scarlett letter. Proud friends and family alike will fall to their knees and beg JUST to get out of changing that diaper or watching that one wild child.

Humans may be proud,collected, mad geniuses who break barriers and physics just to see if they can and stare death in the face to see who flinches first But there is nothing on earth or heaven above we will not do to avoid the tiniest things. And i think that’s beautiful.

I am not terrified what are you talking about.

Humans Are Space Orcs: Braces

I have been reading a lot of these so here it is,

Just imagine an alien when they find out about braces.

“Do you mean to tell me that you strap metal to your young and slowly move their bones, without pain killers, over long periods of time? The bones that they use to eat? Then make them wear more metal in their mouths for the rest of their life, all for a standard of beauty?”

Nah dude, some do it for medical reasons. I knew someone who had three teeth stuck in the roof of their mouth so they put braces on them and fixed that right up”

“I don’t think I understand”

“They had to do it, because they had already pulled out their baby teeth so they would have had gaps or out of order teeth. Or get infected.

“But how did braces on the outside of their teeth affect the teeth that were *stuck*”

They first had to cut through the bone to get to them and then they stuck brackets on them. But after that, they just dragged the teeth into place.”

“Through the bone?”

“Yup”

"And it worked?”

"Yup”

*horrified aliens* “I thought you said you care about your young”

"We do”

*even more Horrified aliens*

*off to the side* “didn’t the human say they cared about us”

Antivenom

have you ever stop to think that we don’t just synthetize antivenom, but we fucking brew it from the venom itself? like, oh, you got bitten by a rattlesnake? fear not, here, inject a bit more venom which have been scienced to antagonize itself. 

and it is not just that- we science venom for medicinal purposes. we take stuff that is uber toxic to us, science a bit with it (well, it takes years and a great effort from our scientists) and TA DAH, here is a brand new uber effective drug against blood clots. 

heck, we BREED venomous snake to extract their venom to use for medicinal purpouse!!!

it is the same principles at the base of vaccines - take what’s dangerous and use it to make yourself stronger. 

this is the most DeathWorlders thing I can think of. aliens don’t stand a chance.