Star Wars Is Making Me Delusional For Happy Endings More Than Ever And Unfortunately I Still Don't Have

Star Wars is making me delusional for happy endings more than ever and unfortunately I still don't have regrets. The absolute ache my heart goes through every time I stop and think about it in its entirety is phenomenal because how dare these characters from a galaxy far, far away give me pain

Sure we've got the Force and lightsabers and shiny armor and beautiful planets and I'm tickled pink by it all but no one warned me about the tragedy that threw me off the fucking rails with the speed of light

Because can you imagine cutting off the limbs of someone closer to you than a brother and a lover, the other half of your soul, and turning your back as he burns because you can't bring your lightsaber down and end his misery, you can't kill him, you spent years protecting him, fighting for him, keeping him close and not-close so he can find his happiness that the Code you are both bound to cannot give him as you willingly turn a blind eye, only to turn around and find that he has drifted too far and already completely out of your reach, and all you want to do is go back to the time when it's just the two of you, growing and learning together, watching each other's backs against blaster fire, when it was you and him against the world, not you and him against each other. You spend the next 19 years watching over the two stars that are the only parts left of the man you loved from different ends of the galaxy and learning to love them as themselves even as you see him and her in them and it makes you ache, makes you wish for simpler times as you stare down the red blade into red lenses hiding yellow eyes and you are tired, so tired with longing and pain and guilt for the monster you unknowingly helped create

And on the other hand can you imagine finding the child you thought you had lost along with the love of your life, the very people you burned the world for and you thought burned with it? The decades of anguish and anger all culminating to this moment, and instead of the joyous reunion you have always imagined in your weakest moments, it’s her familiar, beloved eyes doused in the color of the desert skies glaring at you with hate and fear as he hides his arm you ruined with your own Force-damned hands. You have loved this child from when he was just a dream whispered underneath the stars, feeling the warmth of twin suns burning in you as you imagine the weight of him (them, you are a father of two) in your arms, incandescent with the promise that you will protect the family you made, all the while forgetting the family you already had. Then you are on your back, electricity still crackling underneath your skin and robbing you of strength as you look at him with your own eyes for the first and last time, and there is forgiveness you didn't know you were looking for, and when you wake up again on the other side of the veil you hope you can find forgiveness there too